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| Posted by Jwood on 14-Oct-2006 | trick-or-treatThere was a little boy and he was walking up the street and he saw three hookers and said,'Hey hoes get out my way,'.The hooker moved and they we talking about him after he left. He came back and the hookers said,' hi were tick-or-treat. Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted by XxsunshinexX on 14-Aug-2005 | When Stella got her groove backYoung Tommy had always wanted to taste the flesh of Amy. He had
always dreamed of penetrating his dick into the fresh kitty-cat
that he imagined Amy had. His friends knew of his urge, so they
plotted out a plan for him. Joe, one of Tommy's closest friend
(and ideally the richest) came up with a brilliant plan that
made arrangements to have all the families in the neighbourhood
meet and spend a night at their hotel during Christmas; Gladly,
all the families accepted to come.
The boys planned that Tommy would sneak into the room Amy was to
be, and lay her. The important thing was that everybody was to
be made very drunk, so a lot of beer and alcoholic drinks were
to be availed. They believed that at such a drunken state Tommy
would screw Amy without her noticing a thing of what happened
when she got up the next day.
So, on the night of Christmas, all went as planned. Everybody
drank, everyone got drunk and then one by one left for their
rooms, until there was only Tommy in the room. The time had come
for Tommy to perform it. So, he quickly rushed up the stairs,
looked around to check whether anybody was around, opened the
door, sneaked into the room and in no time he was under the
blanket; by the side of Amy. This was the opportunity he had
always dreamed of, so without wasting anymore time, Tommy slid
under the sheets towards Amy's pussy, pulled her pants down and
licked her pussy vigorously. She enjoyed every moment that she
even led Tommy into dipping his joystick into the very flesh he
had always dreamed of. It was as tight and as sweet as he had
always imagined.
He left the room afterwards, happy and rushing to meet the
others to tell them about his success. He rushed down the
stairs, into the ballroom and thought of passing through the
kitchen to have a glass of water. As he entered the kitchen,
Tommy saw what he couldn't believe; Amy was in the kitchen with
a glass of milk in her hand. He quickly asked anxiously, "Amy! I
thought you're already asleep?" Amy smiled back and answered,
"Not yet Tommy, I had to get my grandma Stella a glass of milk
first. She'll be sleeping in my room tonight."
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| Posted by mandy on 14-Aug-2005 | Licking FrogAt a bar, a guy strikes up a conversation with a beautiful
woman. After a few drinks they start having sex-related
conversations and the woman mentions that she has trouble being
satisfied by guys because they do not like oral sex. The man
quickly produces a box and gives it to her. "What is this?"
"This is a pussy-licking frog. Whenever you are in the mood,
just place this frog in the appropriate spot and let it do the
rest."
The woman takes the frog home and decides to try out her new
frog that night. After getting comfortable, she sits the frog in
her lap. The frog just sits there and does nothing. Feeling
pretty dumb the woman rushes back to the bar and meets up with
the frog's owner. "This frog isn't doing its job!" "Really?!
It's probably shy. Perhaps it would feel more at ease if I were
there."
The woman agrees and they both go back to her place. She gets
naked and places the frog between her legs. The frog does
nothing once again. The owner starts coaching the frog. "Come
on. Good frog. You can do it" After a few unsuccessful minutes
of coaching the man screams out in a fit of frustration. "You
damn lizard! Do I have to show you again?!"
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| Posted by leelu on 14-Aug-2005 | Speeding BulletSuperman called his buddy Batman and ask if he wanted to go hang
out and Batman said no that he and Robin were going to hang out.
So then Superman calls Spiderman and ask if he wanted to go hang
out and he said no that he had a date with Catwoman. So Superman
decided to fly over to Wonderwomans apartment building and see
what she was doing. As he was flying over the buildings he saw
Wonderwoman laid out on top of the building naked with her legs
spread wide open. Superman was very horny, so he decided, hey
I'm Superman, I am faster than a speeding bullet and I can fly
down there and fuck her and then be out of there before she even
knew what happened. So he decided to do this. He flew down and
fucked her then flew off. Wonderwoman said did you hear
something and the invisibleman said, "no but my ass sure does
hurt."
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| Posted by Domini V. Cunningham on 14-Aug-2005 | The BalconyBill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday
afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment
was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on
all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot." he
said. "An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company,"
he called out. "Matt is riding a cool bike and the Coopers are
having sex."
Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled
father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
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| Posted by Cody G. Jackson on 14-Aug-2005 | The Pickle slicerThere was a man who has worked in a deli for two years and
everyday the man wanted to shove his dick in the pickle slicer.
One day he just says "Im goin for it."
He comes home from work that night and tells his wife he was
fired from his job.
"Why were you fired?" asked his wife
"Becuase I shoved my dick in the pickle slicer."
"What happened to the pickle slicer?"
"She got fired too."
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| Posted by Da MaN D on 14-Aug-2005 | The pianistA man sees an advert for a pianist job in a hotel, and is
interested. He aproaches the receptionist in the hotel, and
says, "I want to see the fucking manager". The receptionists
requests the man not to use such language in the hotel, but
tells him he will go and get the manager.
So the receptionist introduces the man to the manager. "I'm here
for the fucking pianist job". Once again the man is requesed not
to use such language.
The manager asks if the pianist can play any classical music.
The pianist replays, "Can I play classical" and sits down at the
piano and plays the best classical music you've ever heard.
The manager is impressed, and asks for the name of the song, to
which the pianist replys, "I was sitting in the garden with my
bitch and the moonlight was shining off her nipples".
The manager is a little bit startled, but continues to ask the
pianist if he could play any blues. The man replys, "Can
I play blues" and goes on to play the greatest bluse you've ever
heard. Again the manger asks what the song was called, and the
pianist replys, "I bent her over the table and rammed her up the
arse".
Once again the manger was startled, however the pianist was
amazing so he offered the man the job on two conditions. He was
not allowed to speak to any guests, and he wasn't allowed to
introduce any of his songs. The man thought for a while but
finally agreed.
Things were going fine for the first week, until a gorgeous
looking woman entered the restaurant at the hotel. The pianist
wanted to speak to her but at the same time he wanted to keep
his job. So instead he went of to the toilet for a wank. Half
way through he heard the manager call out, "Where is that
pianist", so he just stopped what he was doing and ran back to
the piano and started playing again.
A few minutes later the woman approached the pianist and said,
"do you know your flys are undone, your cocks hanging out and
your dripping cum all over your shoes", to which the pianist
quickly replys, "do I know it? I fucking wrote the song!"
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| Posted by Brandon w. Huston on 14-Aug-2005 | the liona guy got kiddnapped by cannabils and said "please let me go, i
have two kids and a wife to go home to". so the cannabils said
"ok, but only if you do three things for us". "anything", says
the man.
so the cannabils took the man to three caves, and said "in the
first cave there is 100 galons of beer. you have to drink it all
in two hours. in the second cave, there is a lion with a sore
tooth and you have to pull it out with your bare hand, and
finally in the third cave there is an 80 year old woman that has
never had an orgasm in her life. you have to help her have one".
so the man went into the firt cave, and two hours later he
staggered out of the cave and sayd "what next?", so the
cannabils lead him into the second cave. he is in there for a
long time, so they think that he is dead, until they hear a loud
scream and a roar that came from the lion.
the man came running out covered in blood, and goes, "where's
the woman with the sore tooth?"
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| Posted by phil jones on 14-Aug-2005 | Horsy RideOne day, little Johnny comes home from kindergarten for lunch.
Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he
heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what
does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch,
stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into
the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the
parents continue as if nothing was wrong.
Little Johnny watches, and after a couple of minutes asks,
"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsy ride?" "Of course, Son,
we're a family." So Little Johnny climbs on. After a few more
minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on
Dad!" cries Little Johnny, "this is where me and the mailman
usually fall off!"
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| Posted by matt D on 14-Aug-2005 | Lots of Q and AQ: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning,
"Lie to me!"
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on
the outside?
A: K9P.
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a
minute ago."
Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.
Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
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| Posted by Katie Cramer on 14-Aug-2005 | StorksTwo storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The
baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him.
"Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people
babies and making them happy."
The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are
sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son,
your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to
new mommies and daddies."
A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent
from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents
ask him where he's been all night.
The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the shit out of college
students!"
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| Posted by Suck Balls on 14-Aug-2005 | Is Sex Work or Play?A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure
if sex is work or play. He asks a priest for his opinion on this question.
The priest says after consulting the Bible," My son, after an exhaustive
search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted on Sundays."
The man thinks: " What does a priest know of sex?" He goes to minister...
a married man, experienced .. for the answer.
He queries the minister and receives the same reply.. Sex is work and not
for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of
thousands of years tradition and knowledge...A Rabbi.
The Rabbi ponders the question and states,"My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies," Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell
me sex is work?!"
The Rabbi softly speaks," If sex were work ... my wife would have the maid
do it.
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| Posted by Josh Price on 14-Aug-2005 | Morning troubleJoe woke up one morning and looked for his wife, but his wife
wasn't here. She had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the
kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil 'the moment' by getting
up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife:
THE TENT POLE IS UP, THE CANVAS IS SPREAD,
THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST, COME BACK TO BED.
The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy. It read:
TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN. PUT THE CANVAS AWAY.
THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE. NO CIRCUS TODAY.
So he sent another note down. It read:
THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD
SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD.
To which she replied:
I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'S THE BEST IN THE LAND
BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW SO DO IT BY HAND !
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| Posted by pedro on 14-Aug-2005 | Bad Best FriendA guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender
pours him the drink and the guy swallows it.
"Wow", says the bartender, "Had a rough day?". "I got off work
early today," answered the guy, "went up to the bedroom, and
there was my wife having sex with my best friend."
The bartender pours the guy another shot. "This one's on the
house." The guy destroys it once again.
The bartender asks, "Did you say anything to your wife?" The guy
answers, "Yep, I walked up to her, told her we're through."
"What about your friend?" asks the bartender. "I looked him
straight in the eye and said BAD DOG!"
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| Posted by Alex Martin on 14-Aug-2005 | The Fur CoatA man and his date were strolling the streets of New York City
on a Friday afternoon. Presently, they came upon a furrier
selling fine imported fur coats. The man suggested she try some
on, and she agreed. After trying several on, she found one that
was perfect.
"This one is absoulutely LOVELY!" she exclaimed to her
boyfriend. "Well, okay, if you want it I guess we'll take it,"
he told the furrier. To this, the furrier replied,
"Sir that is a fine coat of Mink, and it looks lovely on you,
ma'am, but it is a $50,000 coat!" "Excellent!" the man said,
"will you take a personal check?" "Of course, sir, but you will
have to wait until Monday so the check can get cleared." "Very
well." said the man, writing the check and handing it over to
the furrier, all in the eyes of his companion. The couple walked
on, and the girl couldn't believe her date would spend that much
money on her, for a coat, too!!!
Monday rolled around and the man went to the furrier to pick up
the coat. When he got there, the furrier greeted him and then
frowned, "Sir, are you aware that there are only $584 in your
checking account? I'm afraid you cannot have this coat." "Yes,
I'm more than well aware of this," replied the man with a great
big grin on his face, "but let me tell you, with her thinking
that coat was hers, I had the weekend of my life!"
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| Posted by Crissie D. Craig on 14-Aug-2005 | Fire FireA fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a
wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our
jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and
we're ready to go on the trucks."
"From now on," he said, 'we're going to run this house the same way. When
I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to
jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to screw all night."
The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" and
his wife took off her clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed.
"Bell 3, and they began to screw.
After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"
"What's this Bell 4?" the husband asks.
"More hose," she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!'
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| Posted by Gelfling on 14-Aug-2005 | Fucking fence!A couple have been married forty years and are revisiting the same places
they went to on their honeymoon. As they are driving through the secluded
countryside, they pass a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the
road.
The woman says, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here forty
years ago!"
The guy stops the car. His wife backs against the fence, and he
immediately jumps her like a bass on a junebug. They make love like never
before.
Back in the car, the guys says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like that
forty year ago -- or any time since that I can remember."
The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!"
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| Posted by Jim Bob on 14-Aug-2005 | The AccidentA young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down
the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an
hour, will you take off your clothes?" She agrees and he begins
to speed up. When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to strip.
When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her
that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is
thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend
are trapped in the car.
"Go get help." he pleads. She replies, "I can't, I'm naked." He
points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says, "Cover your
snatch with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers
herself, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she
arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help!
My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and
replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."
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| Posted by J Man on 14-Aug-2005 | Rope'nA young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. After the
wedding they left for their honeymoon and while driving down the
road, the new bride saw a bull and a cow having sex. She asks,
"What are they doing honey?" He answers, "They are roping!" She
replies, "Oh, I see."
They drive a few more hours and she sees a horse and a mare
having sex. Again she asks, "What are they doing honey?" He
answers, "They are roping!" She replies, "Oh, I see."
They finally get to the hotel, washed up, and got ready for bed.
They get in bed and start exploring each other's body. She
discovers his penis and asked, "What is this?" "That's my rope."
he answers.
She slides her hands down further and gasps, "What are those?"
"They are my knots," he replies.
Finally, they begin making love. After several minutes, she
says, "Stop, honey, wait a minute!" "What's the matter baby?" he
asks. She replies, "Undo those knots, I need more rope!"
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| Posted by Button on 14-Aug-2005 | Sew tht ButtonAngus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house
exclaiming, "Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come
off of me fly? I canna button me pants. "
"Oh Angus ... I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs
and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."
About 5 minutes later there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of
yelling and the sound of a body falling doon the stairs.
Walking back in the door with a blackend eye and a bloody nose
comes Angus. The little lady looks at him and says, "My god,
what happened to ya? Did you ask her like I told you?"
"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she
did. Everything was goin fine but when she bent doon to bite off
the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in... "
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| Posted by kakyok on 14-Aug-2005 | Adam & EveIn the garden of Eden,
As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
Without any clothes.
In this garden,
Were two little leaves,
One covered Adam's,
One covered Eve's.
As the story goes on,
Never the less to say,
The wind came along,
And blew the leaves away.
At the sight,
Adam did stare.
There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair.
And wonder came
Under Eve's eyes,
As Adam's thing
Started to rise.
They found a spot
That suited them best.
A nice big tree
Where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider,
And wider apart,
While thrill after thrill
Came into her heart.
The head of Adam's thing
Peeked into the hole,
And filled her with passion,
Beyond her control.
Backward and forward,
His thing did slide.
And Eve's treasure
Was all wet inside.
The joy was good,
She wouldn't let loose.
Until Adam's thing,
Was all out of juice.
Then down through the years,
People did screw.
And now it is time,
For me and you.
So pull down your pants,
And lay in the grass,
Cause I'm in the mood,
For a piece of that Ass!
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| Posted by Dan Sabo on 14-Aug-2005 | daddy longlegsOne day, little Suzy was being babysat at her grandparents'
house. Her grandfather was going to clean out the shed, and she
went to see what he was doing.
She noticed two spiders in the corner, with one on top of the
other one, and said, "Grandpa, what is that spider on top?"
The grandpa looks at the spiders, and says, "Well, that's a
daddy longlegs." and continues with cleaning out the shed. A few
minutes pass, and the little girl is still curious about the
spiders. She says, "Is the one on bottom the Mommy longlegs?"
The grandpa says, "No, that's a daddy longlegs too, Sweetie,"
Then, the little girl walks over, stomps on and kills the
spiders and says "We're not gonna have any of that shit around
here!"
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| Posted by JaymeE HarpeR on 14-Aug-2005 | Head of Penis StudyIn 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the
head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year
and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was
larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during
sex. After the US published the study, France decided to do
their own study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research,
they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more
pleasure during sex. Poland, unsatisfied with these findings,
conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around
$75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from
flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
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| Posted by hotti4u on 14-Aug-2005 | Math jokeOne day a teacher told her student's to make a sentence using
the math terms add, subtract, divide, multiply. When time was
over she called on a student named Johnny he said this is the
process of having sex. He said, first you add the bed, subtract
the clothes, a divide the legs and hope you don't multiply.
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| Posted by frank on 14-Aug-2005 | Freezing my PenisAn Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old pen buggy one cold,
blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, "My hands are
freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put your hands between your legs. The
body heat will warm them up." So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughte rwas riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The
boyfriend said, "My hands are freezing cold." The daughter replied, "Put
them between my legs, they'll warm up."
The next day, the boyfriend was again driving in the buggy with the
daughter. He said, "My nose is freezing cold." The daughter replied, "Put
it between my legs. It will warm up." He did, and his nose warmed up.
The next day, the boyfriend was once again driving with the daughter and
he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her mother, and
she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" The slightly
concerned mother says, "Sure, why do you ask?" The daughter says, "Well,
they make one hell of a mess when they thaw out!"
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| Posted by Richard R. Dooley on 14-Aug-2005 | Chicken FarmerA woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to
file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."
He gets her name, address, social security number, and then asks, "What is
your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a whore." The accountant balks
and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's
try to rephrase that." The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute." "No, that is
still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken
farmer." The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with
being a whore or a prostitute?" "Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last
year."
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| Posted by Terry Emhemed on 14-Aug-2005 | Midnight PatrolA policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot
overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with
the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver's seat
reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly
knitting.
He stopped to investigate
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up,
obligingly cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this
magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked,
"And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "I think she's
knitting a sweater."
Confused, the officer asked, "How old are you, young man?" "I'm nineteen,"
he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said,
"Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
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| Posted by Brian Cannon on 14-Aug-2005 | What do they do for Sex?Once there was this man named Bob. He was an American fighter
sent to Afghanistn to fight this war.
A month goes by and he is getting lonely. He hasnt had any sex
in a month. Things are really bad out there and he finally can
stand it anymore. Bob goes up to his sargent and says
"Sargent...things are really bad out her and i was
wondering...what do we do for sex?". The sargent laughs and
replies "Well see that camel out there..?". Bob yells "oh No! No
way im doing that!". Bob runs out back into his tent.
Two months later. It was a cold night, Bob is laying in hi bed
and he just cant take it anymore. So he runs outside. Pulls down
his pants and screws the camel like he never screwed anything
before. He goes buck wild with the camel.
The next morning he walks up to his sargent and says "Well last
night i had sex with that camel, and i have to admit it was the
best sex i have ever had." The sargent smiles and puts his hand
on Bob's arm and says "Im happy for you son, but most guys just
ride into town."
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| Posted by Caro Starfish on 14-Aug-2005 | Honeymoon PicturesOn their first night together, a newlywed couple gets ready for
bed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and
wearing a beautiful robe.
The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can
open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and
he is astonished with her beauty.
"Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful,
let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He
answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my
heart forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the
bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new
wife asks, "Why are you wearing a robe, we are married now." The
man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get
a picture". He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"!
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| Posted by Candy Dee on 14-Aug-2005 | 3 chancesCharlie and Audrey are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
Charlie says to Audrey, "Audrey, I was wondering, have you ever cheated on
me?"
Audrey replies, "Oh Charlie, why would you ask such a question now? You
don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Audrey, I really want to know. Please..."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."
"Three? Well, when were they?" He asked.
"Well, Charlie, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted
to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan?
Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and
signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Audrey, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do
such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Charlie, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were
needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then
remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery
himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Audrey, you should do such a thing for me, to save my
life. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must
really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when
was number 3?"
"Well, Charlie, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be
president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"
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