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| Posted by Cam Salisbury on 09-Aug-2005 | Snow on the roofA seventy-five year old guy, his hair is completely white, marries a twenty-two year old girl, and she gets pregnant. Nine months later, he walks into the Maternity Ward. He says to the nurse, "Well, how'd I do?"
The nurse says, "She had twins."
He says, "Heh, heh, heh...well, I guess that goes to show, that even if there's snow on the roof, there can still be fire in the furnace."
She says, "Well, then you'd better change filters. Both of the babies are black."
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| Posted by bloody bob on 09-Aug-2005 | Crutches pleaseWhen Don first noticed that his prick was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was Donna.
But after several weeks and nearly nine inches later, Don became concerned and the couple went to see a doctor.
After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, although rare, Don's condition could be cured through corrective surgery.
"How long will he be on crutches?" Donna asked anxiously.
"Crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well, yes," said Donna, "You ARE planning to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Ashley E. Who Cares on 11-Aug-2005 | More Pick Up Lines1. I want you almost as much as I want world peace.
2. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.
3. We both know that I am going to follow you home anyway, so why don't you just come along peacefully?
4. I envy your lipstick.
5. I just want to be loved - is that so wrong?
6. You remind me of an ice cold Pepsi - I've just gotta have it.
7. Do you believe in the hereafter? Good, then you know what I'm here after.
8. If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.
9. Baby, you look so sweet you're giving me a cavity.
10. Is it me or am I gorgeous?
11. I'd even marry your dog just to be related to you.
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| Posted by Zach Evans on 12-Aug-2005 | Nudy whothere was a lady
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| Posted by Nol T. Johnson on 13-Aug-2005 | Its so funny
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| Posted by jen on 13-Aug-2005 | Trainsexcouple where travaling in train .
they wanted to have sex .so they made codes
todo.
to insert-pepsi .
to take out-coca cola.
at night they started pepsi-cocacola.........
then the old man sleeping down wake up
and said pepsi coco cola is alright dont through pepsi on me.
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| Posted by Tiki Tiki Bird on 14-Aug-2005 | How often?An older couple had been dating for some time when they decided
to get married.
They dicussed all the nessary issues: living arrangements,
payments, hoildays and of course the big day.
With alot of hesitation the man finally came out with his
question. "what about sex??" he asked hopefully.
The women replied."i would have to say infrequently"
The man replied is that with one word or two??!!
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| Posted by Emz on 14-Aug-2005 | Wrong holeOne day this man went to Japan. He was with his buddy and his
buddies' girlfriend and he was getting alittle jealous cause he
didn't have a gurl to hang out with. So, he talked to his buddy
about it, and his buddy got him hooked up with a prostitute. She
couldn't speak english, but the gut was like "What the hell!, At
least i'm still getttin' sum!" So the next night he was in the
back of one of the bandwagons fucking her. She kept on screaming
"VIA NO PEEA! VIA NO PEEA!" Now, this guy new nothing about
Japenese, so he figured she was just having this MAJOR orgasm.
The next day, the guy was out playing gulf with his buddy. His
buddy swung the golf club, and hit the ball through a hole in
the tree. He was very frustrated, and started talking in
Japanese. "VIA NO PEEA!" Now, the man reconized that phrase, so
he asked his buddy what it meant. His buddy looked at him and
said "wrong hole".
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| Posted by Aleksandar Pavlovic on 14-Aug-2005 | Making SandwichesAfter going out with his girlfriend for a month, Dave decided he
wanted to sleep with her. Unfortunately he still had to share a
room with his 9 year old brother Jonny. One night, he waited for
Jonny to fall asleep then he rang his girlfriend and asked her
to come over. Quietly they climbed onto the top bunk of the
boys' bed and started to get undressed. After a few moments,
Dave realised that they would have to make up some sort of code
for what they wanted each other to do if they didn't want Jonny
to hear them. Eventually they settled for "Lettuce" meaning
Harder, and "Tomato" meaning Change Position. Soon they began to
get into a rhythm.
LETTUCE!
TOMATO!
LETTUCE!
LETTUCE!
TOMATO!
OH WAIT! PULL IT OUT, PULL IT OUT!
I CAN'T GET PREGNANT!
Then suddenly quick as a flash, Jonny sat up and screamed at
them, "Can you two PLEASE stop making sandwiches?! You're
getting mayonaise all over my face!"
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| Posted by pager on 14-Aug-2005 | Dinner at Boyfriends houseCara was very excited abut going to her bf's house for dinner,
although the night she had to go she got very ill. She still
went.
In the middle of dinner she excused herself to go to the
bathroom, so she went upstairs. closed the door, and she
couldn't stop going!!
When she was done it was so big the toilet couldn't flush!!
So she picked it up with her hands and threw it out the window.
After washing her hands for a full 10 min. she went back
downstairs.
Everybody was staring at her, and she asked what happened?
Her boyfriend pointed up...her waste fell onto the skylight.
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