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| Posted by Bruce R. Wood on 14-Aug-2005 | DivorceA man and his wife are driving on the highway. Suddenly the wife
starts talking, "I want a divorce. I want the kids, the house,
the car, and the money." The man doesn't say a thing and drives
faster and faster. At top speed the women askes him, "What do
you want to have?" The man answers, "Nothing, I've got all I
need, 'cause I got the airbags!"
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| Posted by Leila K. Barker on 14-Aug-2005 | Joke to play on friendThe following is a conversation between you and a friend
You:"I can't believe they're still together after all that shit!"
Friend:"WHO?"
You:"My but-cheeks!"
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| Posted by KissyFace on 10-Aug-2005 | Yo sisterYo sister so fat, she shops at Pigs'R'Us.
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| Posted by Tim Alive on 12-Aug-2005 | Life with no paroleAt 3am a wife wakes up and notices that her husband is not in bed. So, she goes downstairs to look for him and finds him sitting at the kitchen table, with a big tumbler of scotch in front of him. After he takes a drink, she notices that he wipes away a tear from his eye. She rushes to his side, kneels down beside him, holding his hand she says, "hony, what is wrong"?. He says, "do you remember when we started dating when you were sixteen years old"?. The wife replys, yes. He says, "do you remember when your dad caught us having sex in the back of my car"?. The wife replys, yes. He says, "do you remember when your dad stuck that shotgun in my face and told me that I either marry you or he would have me put in jail for twenty years"?. "yes, I remember that too, says the wife. The husband takes another drink, wipes away another tear, looks her in the eye and says, "well, I would have gotten out today".
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| Posted by 5th Beatle on 08-Aug-2005 | Your Butts Getting Big HunAlan and his wife, Debbie, are working in the garden. Debbie bends over to rip up weeds.
'Wow, Debbie,' Alan says. 'Your butt is getting really wide.'
'No, it's not!' Debbie says.
Debbie walks towards the barbecue grill to throw the weeds in a trash can.
'Your butt is getting so big that it's almost wider than the grill!' Alan says.
He gets a tape measure and measures Debbie and the grill.
'Ha,' Alan says. 'Your butt's the same exact size as the grill!'
Debbie ignores Alan's comments and refuses to speak to him for three days. On the fourth night, they're lying in bed watching television.
'I could sure use some lovin',' Alan says.
Debbie looks over at him and yells, 'Don't think for one minute that I'm going to fire up this big grill for one little weenie!'
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| Posted by sorin s. dohanes on 14-Aug-2005 | Marital AdviceA man was having marital problems. So he went to his shrink for advice.
The shrink says "when you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make made passionate love to her."
In two weeks the man was back in the shrinks office.
The shrink asked "how did it go?"
The man said "she didn't have anything to say, but her bridge club got a kick out of it!!"
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| Posted by "Leppy" on 09-Aug-2005 | DoorknobA husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!"
He backed her up against the bathroom door, ripped her knickers off and gave her one there and then.
When he finished he started putting his clothes on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door.
"What's wrong? Didn't you come? Do you want more?"
His wife said, "No, no, it's not that. I'm just trying to get the doorknob out of my ass!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Gina G on 14-Aug-2005 | Half And HalfFour close friends who lived in the same apartment building are
enjoying the boardgame they are playing until a woman walks in
and slams the door behind her. "You created an I hate Annie
Knoller Club!" " Well Ya Annie." "Just what do you do in this
club?" " Just make up rumors, they aren't that bad." " so what's
this rumor that you made up?" "Well, nothing much, just that
your parents flipped a coin and it landed as tails so ignoring
the fact that you were female you would be treated as you had
male reproductive parts." "so you gave me a teenie weenie!?" "Ya
pretty much" " Well I have a rumor about you too, it's that you
made out with the 50 yrs. old libarian during high school" " How
did you know?" " I thought I made it up" "I had no idea you
liked the libarian" " she was pretty damn ugly dude" " Hey well
she looked 16 and not 50!"
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| Posted by Labblue* on 14-Aug-2005 | The anniversery giftOne day a woman needed to get something for her husband for
their anniversery. She decides that it would be really nice to
get him a pet. So she goes to the local pet store and goes
straight to the front desks and asks the person at the counter
"I need a present for my husband for are anniversery what type
of pet should I get him?" she asked. "Well we have plenty of
dogs and men allways like dogs" he said. "No, that wont do
because he is allergic to them". "I know, I have just the thing"
as he says this he runs into the back of the store. A few
minutes later comes back with a cage and inside it is a huge
toad. "This is one of my most valued possesions and I'm willing
to give it to you for only fifty dollars" the clerk says. "I'm
not going to pay fifty dollars for a toad" she yells. "Well this
isn't any ordinarry toad it gives the best blow jobs in the
world". "Well his anniversery is tomorrow and I do really need a
gift so I guess I'll take it" and then she bought the toad and
went straight home. The next day the husband recieves his gift
and says "a toad is that all I get?". "Its not any toad it
supposedlly gives the best blow jobs ever and cant you just at
least try it once?". He agrees a gives it a try and the clerk
was right. The toad gave him the best blow job he has ever had.
The next night the wife is about to fall asleep when she hears a
lot of noise coming down stairs like pots and pans being banged
togeather. So she goes down stairs to see what the noise is. The
wife sees the husband doing something with the toad and she asks
"what are you doing"? The husband replies "If I can teach this
toad to cook then your out of here bitch".
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| Posted by Its All Good on 08-Aug-2005 | Control Sex DriveQ: What food decreases a womans sex drive by 90%
A: wedding cake
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