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| Posted by churchboybrian on 14-Aug-2005 | WivesA young couple got married and went on a cruise for their
honeymoon. When they got back from the honeymoon, the bride
immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away.
"Well, darling," said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?" "Oh,
mother," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic,
we had a terrific time! But, as soon as we returned, Sam began
using really horrible language. I've never heard these words
before. Really terrible 4-letter words. You've got to come get
me and take me home. PLEASE MOTHER!" And the new bride began to
sob over the telephone. "But honey," the mother countered, "what
4-letter words?" "I can't tell you, mother," said the daughter,
"they're too awful! Please come and get me!" "Darling daughter,
you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell me the 4-letter
words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother, he used words
like: DUST...WASH...IRON...COOK
A man bought an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next
day he received a thousand letters. They all said the same
thing: "You can have mine."
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home
for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't
go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like
cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you
invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking
about getting married."
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| Posted by Krazie on 14-Aug-2005 | Smart WomanThree men where trying to cross a river when a genie appears and
grants them all a wish. The first guy wishes he could fly so he
could fly over the river. The genie grants his wish and he flies
over the river. The second guy wishes he was strong so he could
swim over the river. The genie grants his wish and he swims
across the river. The third guy wishes he was smart so he could
figure out how to get over the river. The genie thinks for a
little while and then the guy turns into a lady and walks over
the bridge.
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| Posted by fLy gIrL on 14-Aug-2005 | Women's Little Instruction Book"A Women's Little Instruction Book"
1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're
aiming too high.
2. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the
do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of
him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies
about other things too.
5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her
husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is
unquestionably gay.
9. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can
tell them apart.
10. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will
usually find that he is.
12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of
five men -- a woman.
13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -- strong,
caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
14. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent
-- but they make great pets.
15. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per
man.
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| Posted by D M. C on 09-Aug-2005 | Rash!Patient: Doctor, Doctor I've got a terrible rash on my cock! What will I do??
Doc: Here, take this medicine and see me in the morning. (man takes medicine)
Patient: Doctor, it didn't work!
Doc: Here try this cream and come back in the morning. (uses cream)
Patient: Doctor, it didn't work, what will I do?
Doc: Here use this magic remover and see me in the morning. (uses remover)
Patient: Doctor! It worked! What the hell was it?
Doc: Lip stick remover!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Brian m. Spillner on 09-Aug-2005 | Ugly girlfriendYour girlfriend is ugly when...
(1) She looks out the window and gets arrested for indecent exposure.
(2) As a baby, she had to be breast-fed by the family dog.
(3) Even mosquitoes stay away from her.
(4) She startles the animals at the zoo.
(5) On Halloween, she has to trick or treat over the phone.
(6) She makes onions cry.
(7) Her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a box of milk duds.
(8) Her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.
(9) The plastic surgeon wanted to add a tail.
(10) When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.
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| Posted by MonkeyGirl on 12-Aug-2005 | Christmas jokeswhat did santa say to the striper?
ho-ho-ho
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| Posted by Jesse D. Evins on 14-Aug-2005 | Female Brain CellOnce upon a time, there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried... but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?"
She cried a little louder, but still no answer....
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled: "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away ...
"Hello - we're all down here...."
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| Posted by doodlebug two on 14-Aug-2005 | Hilarious Sex Jokes!Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.
Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"
Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A. One of his fingers is clean.
Q. What's the biggest fish in the world?
A. A whore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.
Q. What's the difference between parsley and pussy?
A. Nobody eats parsley.
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| Posted by Emily Eddy on 14-Aug-2005 | Kitchen
Why did the woman cross the road?
I dunno, What the fuck is that bitch doin outa the kitchen?!
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| Posted by Chapane on 14-Aug-2005 | A Man Gets RobbedA man makes a call to the police-
Man:
"Help!I've been robbed and my whife has been kidnapped!"
Operator:
"When did this happen?"
Man:
"About the middle of the night."
Operator:
"Where did the burgalar enter?"
Man:
"I don't know,could have been the door or the window."
Operator:
"Did you lock everything?"
Man:
"Yes!Yes!But I don't know how he got in and why he would take my
butiful,darling whife!"
Operator:
"What was the last thing she said to you?"
Man:
"Unnnnnn.....Oh! I remember! It was "Honey open the damn window
I'm burning up in here!"
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