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| Posted by ruchi on 14-Aug-2005 | Camelone day there was an old lady who just got on a bus.she sat next
to a girl about 18 years old.the 18 year old was smoking a
cigarette with a condom at the end of it.the old lady asked what
that was.so the 18 year old said " its a condom." the old lady
said " ok then why do you have a condom at the end of your
cigarette?" the 18 year old said" because it is the fashion." so
the old lady asked the bus driver to stop at osco drug.the old
lady gets off and walkes into the store. she goes to the cashier
" i would like to buy some condoms."
the cashier said," what size do you want?" the old lady said,"
big enough to fit a camel."
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| Posted by Waz Up on 09-Aug-2005 | Womens personal ads40-ish. . . 48.
Adventurous... has had more partners than you ever will.
Athletic... flat-chested.
Average looking... ugly.
Beautiful... pathological liar.
Contagious smile... bring your penicillin.
Educated... college dropout.
Emotionally secure... medicated.
Feminist... fat ball-buster.
Free spirit. . . substance user.
Friendship first. . . trying to live down a reputation as a slut.
Fun... annoying.
Gentle... comatose.
Good listener... borderline autistic.
New-age... all body hair, all the time.
Old-fashioned ... lights out, missionary position only.
Open-minded... desperate.
Outgoing. . . loud.
Passionate. . . loud.
Poet... depressive schizophrenic.
Redhead... shops in the Clairol section.
Rubenesque... grossly fat.
Romantic. . . looks better by candlelight.
Voluptuous... very fat.
Weight proportional to height... hugely fat.
Wants soul mate... one step away from stalking.
Widow... nagged first husband to death.
Young at heart... toothless crone.
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| Posted by Shameka Moore on 11-Aug-2005 | The Harmless WeirdoAt first, you think the Harmless Weirdo is adorably eccentric, offbeat, and intelligent--an iconoclast, really. Yes, he has a few unusual quirks and mannerisms, but he's no boring, cookie-cutter frat boy. In short, he's totally unlike any other man you've ever dated, which strikes you as a good thing.
Your view changes, radically, the evening you proudly introduce him to your friends. In front of everyone you know, your new suitor relates an anecdote about a bus trip he once took that goes on forever and has no apparent pont. THen, when the conversation turns to politics, he hijacks it, launching into a long, unstoppable tirade about the unacknowledged link between diet soda and brain damage. In a moment of sickening clarity, you become aware that you are dating a deeply odd individual. He's the nerd from chemistry class, traveling incognito thanks to a pair of chinos from the GAP.
Moments after this revelation, you put dumping him on the top of your to-do list. But the Harmless Weirdo isn't exactly attuned to social clues and fundamentally doesn't understand he's being ditched. Long after you've shown him the door, he'll still call and drop by with no warning, as though nothing has changed. Although he's not physically threatening, psychologically, he's a menace. He's a reminder that at times, your judgement can be very poor, indeed.
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| Posted by Christopher J. Sando on 14-Aug-2005 | Men - Politically CorrectHe does not have a beer gut, He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
He is not quiet, He is a Conversational Minimalist.
He is not stupid, He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.
He does not get lost all the time, He discovers Alternative Destinations.
He is not balding, He is in Follicle Regression.
He is not a cradle robber, He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.
He does not get falling-down drunk, He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.
He does not have his head up his ass, He suffers from Rectal-Cranial Inversion.
He is not short, He is Anatomically Compact.
He does not have a rich daddy, He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.
He does not constantly talk about cars, He has a Vehicular Addiction.
He does not have a hot body, He is Physically Combustible.
He is not unsophisticated, He is Socially Challenged.
He does not eat like a pig, He suffers from Reverse Bulimia.
He is not a bad dancer, He is Overly Caucasian.
He is not a sex machine, He is Romantically Automated.
He does not hog the blankets, He is Thermally Unappreciative.
He is not a male chauvinist pig, He has Swine Empathy.
He does not undress you with his eyes, He has an Introspective Pornographic Moment.
He is not afraid of commitment, He is Monogamously Challenged.
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| Posted by Hugh Jass on 14-Aug-2005 | Weird factAdam and Eve must of had no bellie button beacuse they are the
Chilren of GOD.
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| Posted by churchboybrian on 14-Aug-2005 | WivesA young couple got married and went on a cruise for their
honeymoon. When they got back from the honeymoon, the bride
immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away.
"Well, darling," said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?" "Oh,
mother," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic,
we had a terrific time! But, as soon as we returned, Sam began
using really horrible language. I've never heard these words
before. Really terrible 4-letter words. You've got to come get
me and take me home. PLEASE MOTHER!" And the new bride began to
sob over the telephone. "But honey," the mother countered, "what
4-letter words?" "I can't tell you, mother," said the daughter,
"they're too awful! Please come and get me!" "Darling daughter,
you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell me the 4-letter
words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother, he used words
like: DUST...WASH...IRON...COOK
A man bought an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next
day he received a thousand letters. They all said the same
thing: "You can have mine."
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home
for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't
go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like
cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you
invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking
about getting married."
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| Posted by Krazie on 14-Aug-2005 | Smart WomanThree men where trying to cross a river when a genie appears and
grants them all a wish. The first guy wishes he could fly so he
could fly over the river. The genie grants his wish and he flies
over the river. The second guy wishes he was strong so he could
swim over the river. The genie grants his wish and he swims
across the river. The third guy wishes he was smart so he could
figure out how to get over the river. The genie thinks for a
little while and then the guy turns into a lady and walks over
the bridge.
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| Posted by fLy gIrL on 14-Aug-2005 | Women's Little Instruction Book"A Women's Little Instruction Book"
1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're
aiming too high.
2. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the
do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of
him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies
about other things too.
5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her
husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is
unquestionably gay.
9. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can
tell them apart.
10. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will
usually find that he is.
12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of
five men -- a woman.
13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -- strong,
caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
14. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent
-- but they make great pets.
15. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per
man.
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| Posted by D M. C on 09-Aug-2005 | Rash!Patient: Doctor, Doctor I've got a terrible rash on my cock! What will I do??
Doc: Here, take this medicine and see me in the morning. (man takes medicine)
Patient: Doctor, it didn't work!
Doc: Here try this cream and come back in the morning. (uses cream)
Patient: Doctor, it didn't work, what will I do?
Doc: Here use this magic remover and see me in the morning. (uses remover)
Patient: Doctor! It worked! What the hell was it?
Doc: Lip stick remover!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Brian m. Spillner on 09-Aug-2005 | Ugly girlfriendYour girlfriend is ugly when...
(1) She looks out the window and gets arrested for indecent exposure.
(2) As a baby, she had to be breast-fed by the family dog.
(3) Even mosquitoes stay away from her.
(4) She startles the animals at the zoo.
(5) On Halloween, she has to trick or treat over the phone.
(6) She makes onions cry.
(7) Her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a box of milk duds.
(8) Her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.
(9) The plastic surgeon wanted to add a tail.
(10) When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.
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