|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Gelfling on 14-Aug-2005 | You Know You're in San Francisco When...You know you're in San Francisco when.....
Your co-worker tells you they have 8 body piercings but none are
visible.
When someone says TENDERLOIN- you don't think of steak. You
think of danger.
You make over $100,000 and still can't afford a house.
You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a
conversation in English.
You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you
know the drivers have never seen it.
You can't remember....is pot illegal?
You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers
and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown
and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
You know that anyone wearing shorts in April is just visiting
from Ohio.
You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits. Your
child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and
is named "Breeze." And, after telling that to a friend, they
still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.
You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide
between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational mandarin or a
building your web site class.
You haven't been to Fisherman's Wharf since the first month you
moved to SF and you couldn't figure out how to drive to Coit
Tower if your life depended on it.
A man walks on MUNI in full leather regalia and crotchless
chaps. You don't notice.
A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don't notice.
You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting
from the midwest.
You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a
tourist.
You keep a list of companies to boycott.
Your hairdresser is gay, your plumber is gay, the woman who
delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy
in drag.
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Dave O on 14-Aug-2005 | Wild Sex PartiesSam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is
finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres
of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees
the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of
almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone
knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded
Vermonter standing there.
"Names Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge...
Having a party Saturday... thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be
some drinkin'."
"Not a problem... after 25 years in the computer business, I can
drink with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna
be some fightin' too."
Damn, Sam thinks... tough crowd. "Well, I get along with people.
I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex
at these parties, too."
"Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember I've been alone
for six months! I'll definitely be there ... by the way, what
should I wear?
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just
gonna be the two of us."
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Billy Bob on 14-Aug-2005 | Sad Gay GuyA man was walking in the park and saw a guy sitting under a tree
crying. The guy walks up to him and asked why was he so sad. The
gay guy said, "My lover just died of AIDS and this is the tree
where we made love for the first time. I have the ashes and I
want to sprinkle them under the tree but I can't seem to do it."
The guy said, "Look I feel so bad for you that I will do it. I
will even say a little sermon." The gay guy agreed.
The guy started his sermon, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if
you would of stuck with pussy, you would still be with us..."
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mike A. Rotch on 14-Aug-2005 | Boy on the busThere was a boy on the bus, and he yelled out annoying phrases
like
"If my mommy was a girl bear, and my daddy was a boy bear I
would be a little bear, if my mommy was a girl horse, and my
daddy were a boy horse, I would be a little horse." he kept on
saying the same thing with different animals. The bus driver
got annoyed and yelled
"If your mom was a prostitute and your dad was guy what
would you be?" he replied with
"A bus driver"
|
7 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Gemma M. Holmes on 14-Aug-2005 | gaysThere were these three gay guys going at it one night, and they
run out of vasaline. So the first guy says "hey dont do anything
until i get back from the store" so the other two said "alright
we'll wait"
So upon returning from the store the man notices that there is
vasaline all over the place. He says "I thought you guys
promised not to do anything until i got back!" The second guy
goes "We didnt" so the first guy says "then what is all this on
the walls?" upon syaing this the third guy steps up and says "I
farted"
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by dave j. lochner on 14-Aug-2005 | Lesbians CooksWhy are Lesbians the worst cooks?
Because they are always eating out
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by iRiShBaBi Smith on 14-Aug-2005 | Loading Dock:Why did the gay man get a job at the loading dock?
He loved taking deliveries in the rear.
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by brittiny on 14-Aug-2005 | AIDS jokesAIDS= Anal Induced Death Sentence
What is the first sign of AIDS?
That constant pounding in your asshole.
A man went to the doctor and got diagnosed with AIDS. He asked
the doctor if there was any cure. The doctor replied, "I want
you to go home, have a big bowl a chili with tabasco sause and
then eat 5 red peppers". The man asked "Will that cure my
AIDS?". The doctor replied, "No, but it will teach you what
your asshole is used for".
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by LizBeth on 14-Aug-2005 | a gay fartTwo gay men stayed up all night having sex. The next morning one
of them got up and said"I gotta piss."
Then the other guy said,"please don't wack it man. I just
cleaned my bathroom yesterday."
"Alright. I won't, you silly goose."
So after the gay guy finished the other guy walked in and saw
sperm all over the wall, and his friend asked" I thought I told
you not to wack."
And the other guy says," I didn't, I just farted."
|
6 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Dancin Girl on 14-Aug-2005 | SucksessA man was walking a street on an ordinary day. He climbed the
ladder, like anyone would do. On the cloud he saw an ugly lady
and a ladder leading up to another cloud. She said, "Fuck me
now, or climb the ladderto success." The man passed on the offer
and climbed the next ladder. On the next cloud he saw a little
more attractive lady and a ladder leading up to another cloud.
She said, "Fuck me now, or climb the ladderto success." The man
passed on the offer and climbed the next ladder. On the next
cloud he saw an attractive lady and a ladder leading up to
another cloud. She said, "Fuck me now, or climb the ladderto
success." The man passed on the offer and climbed the next
ladder. He noticed that the general pattern was the higher he
went, the better the chicks got. So he climbed untill he reached
a drop dead gorgous woman sitting on the cloud naked. She said
"Fuck me now or climb to success." He couldn't imagin what was
on the next cloud (probably a better chick!), so he climbed. On
this cloud he saw a fat, bald man sitting on the cloud and no
ladder going up. The man had flies buzzing around his head and
he was extremely dirty. Ladder guy asked in horrro "WHO THE HELL
ARE YOU!!?!?!" The fat man smiled, spread open his legs and said
"Hi, I'm Sess"
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
