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| Posted by Bekkaboo on 12-Aug-2005 | I\'m Turner BrownA small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy faints.
The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong with you?"
The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"
The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around'."
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| Posted by Rhonda A. Arnold on 12-Aug-2005 | How to Blow your money !!One day a man decided to geta tattoo on his penis, his wife asked
were have u been all day, he said to get a tattoo on his penis. The
wife asked why? He said so u can stay home and blow money!!
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| Posted by emily on 14-Aug-2005 | The Ultimate Poopie ListGhost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but
there's no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie- The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the
toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it
still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper
between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with
skid marks.
Second Wave Poopie- It happens when your done poopie-ing, and
you have pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize you
have to poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie- The kind where you strain so
much to get it out, you almost have a stroke.
Richard Simmons Poopie- You poopie so much you lose 30 pounds.
Lincoln Log Poopie- The kind of poopie that is so huge, you're
afraid to flush without breaking it up into little pieces with
the toilet brush.
Corn Poopie- Self Explanatory!
Gee, I Wish I Could Poopie, Poopie- It's the kind where you want
to poopie real bad, but all you do is sit, cramp, and fart a few
times.
Spinal Tap Poopie- That's where it hurts so bad coming out,
you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)- The kind that comes out of
your rectum so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie- The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out
of your butt and splatters all over the toilet, and at the same
time chronically burns your tender poop chute.
Mexican Food Poopie- It smells so bad the room is condemned.
The Girlie Poopie- The people that think their poopie doesn't
stink..
Fisherman's Bobber Poopie- That's the kind where you're in the
public rest-room, and there are two people waiting for your
stall. You poopie and flush two times, but several golf
ball-sized pieces are still floating on the water..
The VanGough Poopie- That's where after you poopie, you are
shocked to see all the different colors in your poopie, and try
to figure out what you ate to do it again.
The Show-and-Tell Poopie- You're so impressed with your own
poopie, you leave it in the bowl so all your friends can
appreciate it too
The Wipers Nightmare- That's the kind that breaks off too soon,
so half falls in to the bowl and half stays hanging.
Ambush Poopie- That's when your in public and you think you have
to fart, but you get a sneak attack squirt instead.
Paralyzing Poopie- When you're sitting poopie-ing so long your
legs fall asleep.
He Just Poopied, Poopie- When you get done poopie-ing, you put
your shorts back on and go out in public with those identifying
bright red pressure circles on the back of your legs for all to
see.
The "What Crawled Up Your Butt & Died?" Poopie- Also sometimes
referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone
of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently
near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and
gasping for air.
The Snake Charmer Poopie- A long skinny poopie which has managed
to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.
The Ritual Poopie- This poopie occurs at the same time each day
and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Ranger Poopie- A poopie which refuses to let go. It is
usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but
quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small
piece of toilet paper.
The Premeditated Poopie- Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
The Porridge Poopie- The type that comes out like toothpaste,
and justkeeps on coming. You have two choices: 1) Flush and keep
going. 2) Risk it piling up to your crack while you sit there
helpless.
The Pebbles-From-Heaven Poopie- An adorable collection of small
turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you cannot
poopie.
The Peek-A-Boo Poopie- Now you see it, now you don't! This
poopie is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle
control.
The Mood Enhancer- This poopie occurs after a lengthy period of
constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The "I Think I'm A Bunny" Poopie- When you drop lots of cute,
little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing
sounds when they hit the water.
The "I'm Going To Chew My Food Better" Poopie- When the bag of
Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your poop
shoot on the way out in the morning.
The Honeymoon's Over Poopie- This is any poopie created in the
presence of another person.
The Groaner- A poopie so huge it cannot exit without vocal
assistance.
The Energizer Poopie- "Still Going!"
The Crowd Pleaser- This poopie is so intriguing in size and/or
appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Cliffhanger- Where you just sit there patiently and wait for
the last cling-on to drop off, because if you wipe now it's
going to smear all over the place.
The Back-To-Nature Poopie- This poopie may be of any variety but
is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind
the passenger side of your car. Beware of poison ivy wipes.
The Aftershock Poopie- This poopie has an odor so powerful that
anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is
affected.
The Terminator- You poopie so hard you fall off the toilet.
T2- More extreme then The Terminator, you require some medical
assistance to restart your heart. Clear!
The Cowboy- You've got to poopie so bad that you proceed to buck
and holler until finally the poopie's been tamed.
The Runner's Poopie- Experienced by long distance runners who
don't want to stop so they poopie in their shorts. (inspired by
Jeff Reigal of BadAxe, MI)
Poopszopherenia- Fear of poopie-ing, can be fatal!
The Pool Poopie- Usually performed by younger children. It's too
much fun in the pool so why get out? Makes a great floatie toy
afterwards!
Painter's Poopie- You're up on the scaffolding and it takes to
long to get down so you just cramp it and wait.
Lost Poopie- That's when there's a poopie in the urinal.
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| Posted by Anthony on 14-Aug-2005 | SkiingThese three guys needed to stay at a hotel. The lady at the desk
said that there was only one room with a king size bed left. The
men said they'd take it. One guy slept on the right, the second
on the left, and the third in the middle. That night the three
guys all woke up at the same time. The first guy on the right
said, "I had a dream that some one was pulling on my dick." The
second guy said, "I had the same dream!" The third guy that
slept in the middle said, "I had a dream that I was skiing!"
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| Posted by Pippi Longstocking on 13-Aug-2005 | Bananas are better than MEN because...Bananas are better than MEN because...
~You don t mind swallowing a banana.
~Bananas are always stiff.
~Bananas don t kno how to fart.
~A bananas only purpose is to satisfy you.
~No one cares if you have 2 bananas in bed with you at the same time.
~Another woman will NEVER try to steal YOUR banana
~Bananas can last the whole night through.
~Even the smallest bananas are AT LEAST 8 in.long.
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| Posted by enjoyingboyhood on 12-Aug-2005 | Ygygyo momma is so ugly the people on the street yelled armageden is here
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| Posted by Chell Clark on 12-Aug-2005 | SEXUALWHATS GREEN AND SMELLS LIKE PORK??
KERMIT THE FROGS FINGER!!!!!!
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| Posted by Yellow Jacket on 12-Aug-2005 | Aliens At a Gas PumpTwo Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.
The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!"
He gets no response.
The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"
Still no response.
The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"
The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time.
"Earthling take me to your leader!"
No response.
The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy.
He then says to the second Alien "If you knew that was going to happen why didn't you warn me?"
The second replies "I didn't know what was going to happen, but I'm not going to mess with anyone who can hang his penis to the ground, wrap it around his body twice, and can still stick it in his ear!"
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| Posted by CuTiE BaBiE on 14-Aug-2005 | Magic TrickGary and John are in a sauna. Gary says to John, "Do you want to
see a magic trick?" John says, "Sure."
"OK. Face away from me and get down on your hands and knees."
John turns around and gets down on all fours. "There," says
Gary, "...does that feel like you've got a thumb up your ass?"
"Yes!" Replies John. Gary waves both of his hands in the air,
"Magic!"
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| Posted by Matt Freeman on 14-Aug-2005 | 9 reasons why cucumbers are better than men1. Cucumbers can stay up all night, and you wont have to sleep
in the wet spot.
2. Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
3. A cucumber wont care what time of the month it is.
4. A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
5. Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying till we have a boy."
6. Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
7. A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
8. Cucumbers don't drool on your pillow.
9. And finally.....With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the
way you left it.
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