|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Big Football Player on 14-Aug-2005 | Watches Are FallingOne day 3 guys met in a hotel. A gambler who always won money, A
show off, and a lonely guy who had no friends. This lonely guy
needed money. He decided to place a bet with the gambler and the
show off. He knew that there was a huge problem with his watch,
but he didn't know what, so he decided to place a bet with it.
We will all throw our watch out the window on the 14th floor the
lonely guy said.
You will have to run down those stairs, go out the door, and
catch it. The person who catches it at the bottom wins. If no
one catches it no one wins anything. The other two guys thought
this was realy dumb, but they decided to give it a shot. The
gambler went first. He got to the 6th floor when the watch hit
the ground. MAN! The show off went next. He got to the 4th floor
when it hit the ground. SHOOT! The lonely guy went last. He
threw it out the window. He walked down the stairs, went to his
favorite coffee shop, went home to watch his favorite television
show, and came back and caught the watch. They both owed him
$500.00! Wow the 2 guys said. Here's your money. But how did you
do that? The lonely guy finally found out what was wrong with
his watch. I don't know how I won he said. I guess my watch is
slow.
|
7 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Dexter on 14-Aug-2005 | Radio StationREAL STORY: A Cork Radio Station (in Ireland), 96 FM, was
running a competition to find contestants who could come up with
words that were not found in any English Dictionary, yet could
still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The
prize was a trip to Bali for a week.
The DJ, Neil, had many callers; the following two standing out:
DJ: 96FM, what's your name
Caller: Hi, me name's Dave
DJ: Dave, what is your word
Caller: Goan.....spelt G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'
DJ: We are just checking that (pause) and you are correct,
Dave, 'goan' is certainly a word not found in the English
Dictionary. Now the next question, for a trip for two to Bali
is: What sentence can you use that word in that would make
logical sense?
Caller: "Goan fuck yourself"
At this point, the DJ cut the caller short and announced that
there is no place for that sort of language on a family show.
After many more unsuccessful calls, the DJ took the following
caller:
DJ: 96FM, what's your name
Caller: Hi, me name's Jeff
DJ: Jeff, what is your word
Caller: Smee.....spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'
DJ: We are checking that (pause) and you are correct, Jeff.
'Smee' is certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary.
Now the next question, for a trip for two to Bali, is: What
sentence can you use that word in that would make logical sense?
Caller: "Smee again! Goan fuck yourself!"
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Erik Ingbritsen on 14-Aug-2005 | Didn't Know About DaughtersA brunette, a red head, and a blonde were having a very
interesting conversation and it got around to their daughters.
The brunette said, "I went in my daughter's room the other day
and found a pack of ciggarettes, I didn't even know she smoked!"
The red head said, "I went in my daughter's room and found a
half-empty bottle of vodka! I didn't even know she drank!"
Then the blonde burst out and said, "I went in my daughter's
room and found a pack of condoms, half-empty, I didn't even know
she had a penis!"
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Bob John on 14-Aug-2005 | What to do if.....What do you do when a blond throws a gernade at you?
A: Pull the clip and throw it back.
What do you do if a blond throws a clip at you?
A: run, she's got a gernade in her mouth!
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by meryl m. clewett on 14-Aug-2005 | A Annoying JokeWe'll this joke is very annoying this is how it goes,
ok pete and repeat were walking along a river Pete fell in whos
left? repeat! and then they repeat it i hate that joke! c ya!
Princess Sarah
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by dontrell on 14-Aug-2005 | Bar EmbarrassmentAn old man walks in to a bar after a very stressful day at work.
He proceeds to get very drunk, but is still rather bored.
In order to spark some liveliness into the bar, he sights a
young man across the room and yells:
"Hey you... I fucked your mother!"
The young man looks around, slightly annoyed, but tries to
ignore the old man and his comments.
The old man continues to drink for a while and then tries to
liven things up again. To the same young man he yells out:
"Hey you... Your mother sucked my dick!"
The young man turns around and is now obviously very pissed off.
His friends stop him from approaching the old man.
After a little while longer the old man is at it again:
"Hey you... I fucked your mother up the arse!"
Now the young man is very pissed off. Before his friends can
stop him he jumps up out of his chair and fronts up to the old
man.
He says to the old man:
"Geez Dad can you go home? You're embarrassing me!"
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by jen on 14-Aug-2005 | World?!?!?! End!?!?!?!?The World is coming to a end. The best rapper is white and the
best golfer is black and the best volyball player is indian.
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by ryanjenkins on 14-Aug-2005 | AIM CONVERSATION
her: u cRazy
her: are u high or something
her: lol
me: i guess
her: jk
her: Haha
her: yeah im so high i cant see the floor:-D
her: omg lol
her: read my pf
"her: are u high or something
me: yeah im so high i cant see the floor:-D"
me: LMAO
her: :-D
her: HAHA
her: i kno i kno
me: hehehehehehehehehehe
me: its a masterpiece
her: :-P
me: and u say IM crazy?
me: lol
her: HAHa
me: :-)
her: ur info is SOOOO funny tho
her: :-D
me: thank u
her: welcomeeee
me: u mean the weed thing?:-D
"If at first you dont succeed fuck the world and smoke
some weed"
me: i saw it on funny.com and liked it
me: okey dokey
her: lol yea
her: tha weed thing was funny
her: haHA
me: :-P
her: that face makes ya look drunk now
me: okey dokey look at my profile
her: lol
me: no im just so drunk, i think im high;-)
ME: hardy har har
Me: :-D
her: :-D
....NOTE: we thoght it was funny....:-D
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Brock on 14-Aug-2005 | Head From A DuckThis guy just got fired and was feeling very down-and-out. He
was walking down the street when he noticed a whore house he had
never seen before. So he decided to do something fun for
himself. He walked inside, went strait to the front desk,
slapped the $200 he had left in his wallet down, and said, "Give
the best thing you've got"
"Well," said the clerk, "the best thing we got is right over
there, behind that door. You go in there and you'll see a duck,
and it gives the greatest head you've ever gotten, guarunteed. I
got a petition back here signed by some guys who've had it
saying it is."
This seemed strange, but the guy was so depressed he would've
tried anything. When he got inside it was all black, except for
one light shining on a duck walking towards him. The duck
proceeded to give the man the best head he had ever had in his
entire life.
The next day the guy was feeling one-hundered percent better
from the day before. He was giving smiles to everyone, and
occasionally just hugged a complete stranger. He went to the
bank and took out two hundred dollars. Then he went back to the
whore house and said, "I'd like to sign that petition about the
duck please." When he was done with that he asked the clerk,
"Could I get head from the duck again?"
"Well," the clerk said, "the duck's off for today, but what i
can do for, for another $200, is send you into that room over
there where you can watch a guy get fucked by a dog."
The man thought for a minute, then decided that if duck was
good, this had to be good as well. He payed the clerk and went
into the room. Inside there were about 7 other guys sitting and
waiting. He sat down next to a big fat guy with a red face. The
a light came on and there was a dog fucking a man inside a
little room. It was the most hillarious thing he had ever seen.
He sat there laughing with the other guys until, finaly, it was
over.
As they got up to leave the guy turned to the red-faced man and
said, "That was great. The best show I've ever seen."
The red faced guy turned to him and said, "Ahhh, you should've
been here yesterday....some guy got head from a duck."
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Lorinda Bruce on 14-Aug-2005 | Rabbit and BearA bear is walking throught the woods looking for somewhere to
take a shit. He finds a tree sits down and starts shitting. Just
then a rabbit walks up and starts shitting right next to him.
then the bear says "rabbit do you have a problem with shit
sticking to your fur?" the rabbit said no so the bear picked the
rabbit up and whiped his ass with him
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
