|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Eric J. Herboso on 14-Aug-2005 | Walking StickA man his wife and seven children had been out shopping and were
planning to get a bus home. While waiting for the bus an blind
old man with a walking stick joined them. When the bus arrived
the bus driver told them there was only room for Eight more. So
the man tells his wife to take the children on and he'll walk
the blind man home. On the way home the blind man kept tapping
his walking stick on the ground and the man said "Could you not
get a piece of rubber for the end of your stick." The blind man
replied, "if you had of put a piece of rubber on the end of your
own stick we could have got on the bus."
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Ashley on 14-Aug-2005 | Van Gogh's RelativesAfter much research it was discovered that Van Gogh had many
relatives. Here are a few:
His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh
His prune eating brother: Gotta Gogh
His constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
His brother that worked in a convenient store: Stopn Gogh
His Yugoslavian grandpa: U. Gogh
His brother that liked to bleach his clothes: Hue Gogh
His cousin from Illinois: Chica Gogh
His uncle who was a magician: Wherediddy
His Mexican cousin: Amee Gogh
His Mexican cousin's American half-brother: Grin Gogh
His ballroom dancing aunt: Tang Gogh
His sister that liked disco: Go Gogh
His stagecoach driving nephew: Wellsfar Gogh
His bird loving uncle: Flamin Gogh
His nephew that is a psychoanalyst: E. Gogh
His fruit loving cousin: Man Gogh
His aunt that taught positive thinking: Wayda Gogh
His extremely bouncy nephew: Poe Gogh
His neice that drives the country in a van: Winnie Bay Gogh
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Wah Ibanez on 14-Aug-2005 | TouchdownAn old man and his wife have gone to bed. After lying in bed for
a few
minutes the old man cuts a fart and says, "Seven points."
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"
"Touchdown. I'm ahead 7 to nothing."
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown,
tie score."
After about ten minutes the old man farts again and says,
"Touchdown
I'm
ahead 14 to 7."
Now starting to get into it, the wife quickly farts again and
says
"Touchdown, tie score."
The old man, not to be outdone, strains really hard but to no
avail.
He
can't fart! So, not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it
everything he
has, trying for one more fart. Straining real hard, the old man
shits
the bed.
The wife asks, "What in the hell was that?"
The old man replies, "Half-time... switch sides."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Zach Evans on 14-Aug-2005 | Your Cartoon CharcterEver wondered which cartoon character you are most like? Well, a
team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities
of cartoon characters, and put the information gathered into
this quiz. Answer each question with the answer that most
describes you, then add up the points that correspond with your
answer. Don't cheat!!!!!!! Then send this to all your friends
including the person who sent it to you with your cartoon
character in the subject line.
1. What describes your perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner for two
b) Amusement Park
c) Rollerblading in the park
d) Rock Concert
e) See a movie
2. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll
b) Alternative
c) Soft Rock
d) Classical
e) Popular
3. What is your favorite type of movie?
a) Comedy
b) Horror
c) Musical
d) Romance
e) Documentary
4. Which of the following jobs would you chose if you were given
only these choices?
a) Waiter/Waitress
b) Sports Player
c) Teacher
d) Policeman
e) Bartender
5. Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste?
a) work out
b) Read
c) Watch TV
d) Listen to the radio
e) Sleep
6. Of the following colors, which do you like the best?
a) yellow
b) white
c) sky blue
d) teal
e) red
7. Which one of the following would you like to eat right now?
a) ice cream
b) pizza
c) sushi
d) pasta
e) salad
8. What is your favorite holiday?
a) Halloween
b) Christmas
c) New Year's
d) Valentine's Day
e) Thanksgiving
9. If you could go to any of the following places, which would
it be?
a) Paris
b) Spain
c) Las Vegas
d) Hawaii
e) Hollywood
10. Of the following, who would you rather spend time with?
a) Someone who is smart
b) Someone with good looks
c) Someone who is a party animal
d) Someone who has fun all the time
e) Someone who is very emotional
Now total up your points and find your character below:
1. a 4 2. a 2 3. a 2 4. a 4 5. a 5
b 2 b 1 b 1 b 5 b 4
c 5 c 4 c 3 c 3 c 2
d 1 d 5 d 4 d 2 d 1
e 3 e 3 e 5 e 1 e 3
6. a 1 7. a 3 8. a 1 9. a 4 10. a 5
b 5 b 2 b 3 b 5 b 2
c 3 c 1 c 2 c 1 c 1
d 2 d 4 d 4 d 2 d 3
e 4 e 5 e 5 e 3 e 4
10-17 points: You are TAZ. You are wild and crazy and you know
it. You know how to have fun, but you may take it to extremes.
You know what you are doing though, and are much in control of
your own life. People don't always see things your way, but that
doesn't mean that you should do away with your beliefs. Try to
remember that your wild spirit can lead to hurting yourself and
others.
18-26 points: You are Bugs Bunny You are fun, friendly, and
popular. You are a real crowd pleaser. You have probably been
out on the town your share of times, yet you come home with the
values that your mother taught you. Marriage and children are
important to you, but only after you have fun. Don't let the
people you please influence you to stray.
27-34 points: You are Tweety You are cute, and everyone loves
you. You are a best friend that no one takes a chance of losing.
You never hurt feelings and seldom have your own feelings hurt.
Life is a breeze. You are witty, and calm most of the time. Just
keep clear of backstabbers, and you are worry free.
35-42 points: You are Peppe Le Pew (without the smell) You are
a lover. Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy
yourself. You are serious about all commitments. A family
person. You call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a
Birthday. Don't let your passion for romance get confused with
the real thing.
43-50 points: You are Speedy Gonzales You are smart, a real
thinker. Every situation is approached with a plan. You are very
healthy in mind and body. You teach strong family values. Keep
your feet planted in them but don't overlook a bad situation
when it does happen.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by angel phobia on 14-Aug-2005 | Enie MenieThree men who had recently got a job as actors checked into a
small hotel. The clerk was happy they wanted to come but he
warned them, "Some customers think the place is haunted." So
they then went to their seperate rooms, not minding what the man
had said. The first actor was brushing his teeth, when he heard
laughing and a voice. "I am the ghost of Enie Menie I'll chop
off your balls and eat your wenie." The actor was so scared he
couln't move, so he was killed. Unfortunatly the same happened
to the second actor. Then the third actor was in his bed when
he too heard laughing and a voice. The ghost came up to him ad
said, "I am the ghost of Enie Menie I'll chop off your balls and
eat your wenie." The actor, who's role was in A CHRISTMAS CAROL,
then replied I am the ghost of Christmas past if you chop off my
balls I'll kick your ass."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by bigcat on 14-Aug-2005 | Missing??"This is a comeback"
When God created brains, you must have been abscent.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Aimee Davis on 14-Aug-2005 | The fountain of yooth There was once 3 men that were about to die. And they did
nothing wrong in there lives. So they went to a magician
and ask him "We want to be younger." So the magician said " All
of you have to go and do something very bad, tell me
and you can go and drink the fountain of yooth. So the 3 men
went to do something bad and came to tell the magician.
The first one came and said " I murdered somebody." Then the
magician told him to drink the fountain of yooth. Then
the other man said "I stolded 5 womens purses." And again the
magician told him to go and drink the fountain of yooth.
Then the other one came and said " I pissed in the fountain of
yooth."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by chels A. godinet on 14-Aug-2005 | a small boy swallowed a dime
a small boy swallowed a dime."QUICK"yelled the mother to her
husband."call the doctor"
"no"said the husband."call the minister.he knows how to get
money out of people."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by E- D on 14-Aug-2005 | never tell a teachure your batman!!!!One day a little boy went to kindergarden for his first time.
The teacure told the whole class to make up spelling words for
homework. So the boy went home and asked his his older brother
what his first spelling word should be. His brother said
SHUTUP!!! So then he goes and askes his little brother, who
likes batman, what his second spelling word should be. His
brother said "DUH DUH DUH DUH BATMAN" so the boy writes this
down. Then he goes to his 16 year old sister and says what
should my third word be. she was talking on the phone and said"
LETS GO BABY" So the boy writes this down. Then he goes to his
crazy and messed up dad and says what should my fourth word be?
The dad who is crazy says "GOODY GOODY GUM DROPS" So the boy
writes that down. Then the boy goes to his mom and says I need
a spelling word. So the mom ,who was cooking, was about to say
cat when cried out "MY BUNS ARE ON FIRE!!!!!" So the boy wrote
that down. Then he went to his sisters room and she was
cleaning her room. So she didnt hear him ask what a good
spelling word would be. All she said was " NUTTIN BUT TRASH!!"
So naturaly the boy wrote that down.
The next day at school the teachure asked the class who would
like to go first and the boy raised his hand. So the teachure
acked him what his first word was and he said SHUT UP then she
said hey who do you think you are? And he said DUH DUH DUH DUH
BATMAN!! and she got mad and said do you want to go to the
princables office and he said LETS GO BABY . At the princeables
office the princable said you are suspended and the boy replied
GOODY GOODY GUM DROPS!! then the princeable got mad and spanked
the boy. the boy cried out MY BUNS ARE ON FIRE!!! Then the
princable said hey boy what do you think this school is made of?
And the boy replied "NUTTIN BUT TRASH!!!!!!!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by trevor_chong on 14-Aug-2005 | Top 20 Things To Do When Your Bored1. Piss on a tree.
2. Light yourself on fire, then run down a beach, screaming for
water.
3. Run into a firehouse, on fire.
4. Goto the nearest bakery 99 times, buying a donut each time.
Don't eat them, then ask for a refund. See what happens if
they're wet.
5. Goto 7-11 and ask the cash register guy for a cart, say it in
German then in Spanish, each time cursing him out in English for
not understanding his native language.
6. Light a torch and run down your street singing, "Goodness
Gracious Great Balls Of Fire" while dumping the liquid contents
of a can labeled "Gas" on the street.
7. Get a big crowd of people and say you are gonna do something
really cool. Tell them to shut up, and let the tension build.
Break the silence by farting, saying "TA DA" and bowing. Walk
away... you may have to run.
8. Run into a GAY bar and sing the Mr. Roboto song loudly. Act
drunk and willing.
9. Go fuck a chicken... no i dont know how...
10. Call mrs. Cleo and ask for a blowjob. Even females.
11. Play with matches in a shed full of Roman Candles.
12. Run into a bank with a water gun and say this is a stickup!
13. Drink the chunky milk in the back of the fridge.
14. Sniff air fresheners, with a friend.
15. If your a girl, act really seductively in a bar one night.
When a man comes up to you say, "NO I WILL NOT GO HOME WITH YOU!"
16. Steal a docters uniform, then go into surgery and act like a
retart... wait until they give you the cutting knife.
17. When getting pulled over by the police, ask for the magic
ticket for a ride in the pretty car.
18. When he starts writeing the ticket, use your writing hand to
wipe your ass. You have to use his pen.
19. Go trick or treating... not on Halloween. Act offended when
you are told it isnt Halloween. Tell them Saten sent you.
20. Smile at your hottest teacher all throughout the lesson, not
doing any work at all. At the end of the lesson tell her, "I
have new socks on."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
