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| Posted by E- D on 14-Aug-2005 | never tell a teachure your batman!!!!One day a little boy went to kindergarden for his first time.
The teacure told the whole class to make up spelling words for
homework. So the boy went home and asked his his older brother
what his first spelling word should be. His brother said
SHUTUP!!! So then he goes and askes his little brother, who
likes batman, what his second spelling word should be. His
brother said "DUH DUH DUH DUH BATMAN" so the boy writes this
down. Then he goes to his 16 year old sister and says what
should my third word be. she was talking on the phone and said"
LETS GO BABY" So the boy writes this down. Then he goes to his
crazy and messed up dad and says what should my fourth word be?
The dad who is crazy says "GOODY GOODY GUM DROPS" So the boy
writes that down. Then the boy goes to his mom and says I need
a spelling word. So the mom ,who was cooking, was about to say
cat when cried out "MY BUNS ARE ON FIRE!!!!!" So the boy wrote
that down. Then he went to his sisters room and she was
cleaning her room. So she didnt hear him ask what a good
spelling word would be. All she said was " NUTTIN BUT TRASH!!"
So naturaly the boy wrote that down.
The next day at school the teachure asked the class who would
like to go first and the boy raised his hand. So the teachure
acked him what his first word was and he said SHUT UP then she
said hey who do you think you are? And he said DUH DUH DUH DUH
BATMAN!! and she got mad and said do you want to go to the
princables office and he said LETS GO BABY . At the princeables
office the princable said you are suspended and the boy replied
GOODY GOODY GUM DROPS!! then the princeable got mad and spanked
the boy. the boy cried out MY BUNS ARE ON FIRE!!! Then the
princable said hey boy what do you think this school is made of?
And the boy replied "NUTTIN BUT TRASH!!!!!!!"
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| Posted by trevor_chong on 14-Aug-2005 | Top 20 Things To Do When Your Bored1. Piss on a tree.
2. Light yourself on fire, then run down a beach, screaming for
water.
3. Run into a firehouse, on fire.
4. Goto the nearest bakery 99 times, buying a donut each time.
Don't eat them, then ask for a refund. See what happens if
they're wet.
5. Goto 7-11 and ask the cash register guy for a cart, say it in
German then in Spanish, each time cursing him out in English for
not understanding his native language.
6. Light a torch and run down your street singing, "Goodness
Gracious Great Balls Of Fire" while dumping the liquid contents
of a can labeled "Gas" on the street.
7. Get a big crowd of people and say you are gonna do something
really cool. Tell them to shut up, and let the tension build.
Break the silence by farting, saying "TA DA" and bowing. Walk
away... you may have to run.
8. Run into a GAY bar and sing the Mr. Roboto song loudly. Act
drunk and willing.
9. Go fuck a chicken... no i dont know how...
10. Call mrs. Cleo and ask for a blowjob. Even females.
11. Play with matches in a shed full of Roman Candles.
12. Run into a bank with a water gun and say this is a stickup!
13. Drink the chunky milk in the back of the fridge.
14. Sniff air fresheners, with a friend.
15. If your a girl, act really seductively in a bar one night.
When a man comes up to you say, "NO I WILL NOT GO HOME WITH YOU!"
16. Steal a docters uniform, then go into surgery and act like a
retart... wait until they give you the cutting knife.
17. When getting pulled over by the police, ask for the magic
ticket for a ride in the pretty car.
18. When he starts writeing the ticket, use your writing hand to
wipe your ass. You have to use his pen.
19. Go trick or treating... not on Halloween. Act offended when
you are told it isnt Halloween. Tell them Saten sent you.
20. Smile at your hottest teacher all throughout the lesson, not
doing any work at all. At the end of the lesson tell her, "I
have new socks on."
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| Posted by NINER on 14-Aug-2005 | 20 Things To Do at a Water ParkI made these up myself and I plan to test them out!
1. "See" a shark in the wave pool and start screaming.
2. Hesitate as long as you can before going down a waterslide
like your scared.
3. Do the above at the little kids slide.
4. Take over the little ship in the kiddie pool.
5. Get cramps and "drown" in the kiddie pool.
6. Try to surf in the wave pool.
7. Persuade the lifeguard to let you go down the waterslide
backwards.
8. Pretend to fall asleep while sitting down, before going down
a slide.
9. Try to get back up the slide once you've gon down.
10. Grab peoples ankles in the wavepool.
11. Name your innertube.
12. Tell your inner tube what's coming next(example: "Ron,
there's a sharp turn ahead").
13. Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
14. Steal peoples towels and stuff.
15. Fall out of your innertube and try to climb into somebody
else's.
16. In line, pinch the person in front of you and when they turn
around, point to someone at the front of the line and say,
"They did it!"
17. Ask people to be your friend.
18. If they say no, cry and run away.
19. If they say yes, cut in front of them. If they protest, say,
"But I thought we were friends!"
20. Skinnydip!!!!!
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| Posted by jonny boy on 14-Aug-2005 | The Little BrotherA guy is nearing the end of his senior year of high school.
Unfortunetly, he still has to share a room with his younger
brother, who is only 9 years old. One night, He decides to bring
his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and
the guy notices that his little brother is already alseep on the
lower bunk. As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy
remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells
his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and
"tomato" if she wants a new position.
"Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!"
She screams.
"Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Whoa!!!
PULL IT OUT!!!
PULL IT OUT NOW!!I cant get pregnant!"
Then the little brother Shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop
making sandwiches up there! Your getting mayonnaise all over my
face!*!*!*!*!
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| Posted by Jon C. Phillips on 14-Aug-2005 | Ventriliquist and a RedneckA young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to
entertain at a bar in Texas.
He's going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes, when a big
burly guy in the audience stands up and says "I've heard just
about enough of your smart ass hillbilly jokes; we ain't all
stupid here in the South."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big
guy pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the
smart ass little fella on your knee!"
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| Posted by symmerhaze on 14-Aug-2005 | Circus DayOne day the Smith family were at the circus when they saw a man
on top of a diving board claiming that when you go down, you say
your favorite drink and you will land in a pool of it at the
bottom.
First the youngest boy in the family went. "Cooooke." He
screamed as he went down and he landed in a pool of coke.
Next went his brother, "Faaantaaaa," He shouted at the top of
his lungs as he went down and he landed in a pool of fanta.
Next went the middle aged boy he just rushed up really fast and
said- "WWWEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
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| Posted by Bear on 14-Aug-2005 | The TimeOne morning a reporter from the newspaper came and intervieved a
guy.
The reporter noticed the cat strapped to his arm and he
asked,"Why do you have a cat strapped to your arm?".The man
replyed,"I lost my watch this morning so i have to wear this".
The reporter was slightly confused so he asked,"But why?". The
man replyed in another tone "Watch I will show you."As quickly
as he said that he squeezed the cat and the cat let out a
piercing sound so loud that the reporter had to hold his glass
of water so it would not break. Just then the guy screamed
across the street ,"SHUT UP IT'S 1:00 IN THE MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted by jc spencer on 14-Aug-2005 | Xmas gift mix up
It was late on Christmas Eve and a teenager wanted to buy a
last-minute gift for his new girlfriend. Since they had not been
dating long he decided to buy her a pair of gloves. The gift
would strike the right note: personal, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his girlfriend's younger sister, he went to the
local clothing store and bought a pair of expensive leather
gloves. The sister browsed around the store and purchased a few
pairs of lace panties for herself.
During the wrapping, however, the rushed clerk mixed up the
items and gift-wrapped the panties. The guy hastily wrote out a
card, had the clerk tape it to the box and asked the sister to
put it under the family Christmas tree.
His girlfriend opened the box the next morning to find the
panties and the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed you never wear any. I was going
to get the long ones with buttons, but your sister showed me her
short ones and they were very easy to take off. These look
fairly delicate, but the lady I bought them from modelled a pair
she had been wearing for three weeks and they were barely
soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked great. Wish
I was there to see you try them on the first time, as no doubt
others will come in contact with them in the next few days. Your
sister said you've had a few other pairs over the years but
tended to take them off and forget them in the mall or at the
movies, so I'll remind you to stick these in your purse when we
go out. Oh yeah, the lady said you should blow in them before
putting them away, as they will naturally be a bit damp. I hope
you wear them for me Friday night.
All My Love,
P.S. The lady and your sister both said the latest style is to
wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
XOX
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| Posted by ~::Angel::~ on 14-Aug-2005 | At the Art GalleryMiss Paddington is in Paris and is visting "Louvren" the famous
french museum. She looks at the paintings and suddenly she says,
"Is this a dreadful painting or what! I can't belive that a
respectable place like this could have such a horrible piece of
art in its collection."
"Pardon, Madame!" one of the staff says, "But it's not a
painting, it's a mirror."
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| Posted by Doggy on 14-Aug-2005 | Strange but True- In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a
hunting license.
- Dr. Seuss coined the word "nerd" in his 1950 book "If I Ran
the Zoo"
- It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for
a year's supply of footballs.
- Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for
dating are already married.
- There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big
Mac bun.
- The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.
- Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.
- The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola,
and Budweiser, in that order.
- When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of
25 miles per year.
- It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
- The Bible has been translated into Klingon.
- Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the
palms of their hands.
- Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the
sale of vodka.
- Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived
immigrants.
- On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every
year.
- In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the
world's nuclear weapons combined.
- Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.
- Average lifespan of a major league baseball: 5 pitches.
- Average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years. Average
age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6.
- Elephants can't jump. Every other mammal can.
- The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
- Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple,
and chocolate.
- According to one study, 24% of lawns have some sort of lawn
ornament in their yard.
- Internationally, Baywatch is the most popular TV show in
history.
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