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| Posted by Dreamer18 on 09-Aug-2005 | Banjo jokeQ: Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend?
A: Without him, the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth.
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| Posted by bobby crawford on 08-Aug-2005 | ARTISTSWhat do you call an artist who broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless
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| Posted by Fantastique Lindsay on 14-Aug-2005 | Abortion?If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded,
and she had syphilis.... Would you recommend that she have an
abortion?
If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven. Pretty interesting,
isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
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| Posted by Jack O. Farrelly on 14-Aug-2005 | Substitute OrganistOn a cold, rainy Sunday morning, the church organist came down
with the flu, so the substitute organist came in to the
minister's office. "What should I play?" he asked. Obviously
annoyed, the minister replied, "Well, my sermon is on
forgiveness, so you can think of something to go along with
that. But first, you'll have to let me make a few announcements.
The organist walked into the sanctuary for the service.
When it came time, the minister walked up and said, "Okay, as
you all know, there was a storm last night that damaged the roof
of part of our building. We need money to repair this. If you
are willing to donate $100, please stand." At that moment, the
substitute organist played the Star Spangled Banner. And that is
how the substitute organist became the full time organist.
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| Posted by oog oog on 14-Aug-2005 | Annoying Pop StarsOne day, Hanson and the Spice Girls were all on an airplane, and
they get into a discussion.
Baby Spice stated "You know, I could toss a thousand dollars out
the window of this plane and make one person very happy." Then,
the oldest Hanson brother said, "Well, I could toss ten one
hundred dollar bills out the plane and make ten people happy."
Then Sporty Spice said, "Well, I could toss one hundred, ten
dollar bills out, and make one hundred people happy!" Then the
middle Hanson brother very proudly said, "Well, I could toss one
thousand, one dollar bills out the window and make one thousand
people happy!"
Sick of the discussion, another passenger said, "Well, I have a
better idea, I could toss all of you out the window and make the
entire world happy!"
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| Posted by David Baughman on 14-Aug-2005 | The Preacher and the Music DirectorThere was a church where the preacher and the minister of music
were not getting along. As time went by this began to spill over
into the worship service.
The first week the preacher preached on commitment and how we
all should dedicate ourselves to the service of God. The music
director lead the song, "I Shall not be Moved."
The second week the preacher preached on tithing and how we all
should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The director lead
the song, "Jesus Paid it All."
The third week the preacher preached on gossiping and how we
should all watch our tongues. The music director led the song,
"I Love to Tell the Story."
With all this going on, the preacher became very disgusted over
the situation and the following Sunday told the congregation
that he was considering resigning. The musician lead the song,
"Oh Why Not Tonight?"
As it came to pass, the preacher did indeed resign. The next
week he informed the church that it was Jesus who led him there
and it was Jesus that was taking him away. The music leader lead
the song, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus."
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| Posted by Legolas on 14-Aug-2005 | My Car Will Go On...HopefullySung to the melody of My Heart Will Go On (Love Theme from Titanic):
Verse 1:
Every time I start you, I hear you, I feel you
Telling me you cannot...go on.
Far away the Hyundais, the Yugos, they beat us
At 45[mph] you slowly...go on.
Chorus:
Near, far, wherever you park
I can see you, oh brown, ugly car!
Once...More...I don't lock the door
And no one'll try to steal it, my car will go on and on
Verse 2:
The battery died that one time, and stalled me a lifetime
I watched as all the others...go on
How the kids they would laugh, the fan belts, do screech - scratch
When I drive with the fan...turned on
Chorus:
Near, far, wherever you park
I can see you, oh brown, ug-ly car!
Once...More...I don't lock the door
And no one'll try to steal it, my car will go on and on
Super-chorus: (same melody, but raised two keys)
This...year...there's nothing I fear
I got triple-A card to go on
On...the...405 Freeway
I reach for the call box and, my life will go on and on
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| Posted by Mike Andrade on 09-Aug-2005 | Harp jokeA Celtic harpist spends half her time tuning her harp, and the other half playing it out of tune.
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| Posted by emma m. shepp on 09-Aug-2005 | Drum jokeQ: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
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| Posted by beefa on 09-Aug-2005 | Viola jokeQ: Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long?
A: So the violists don't need to be retrained.
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