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| Posted by Penguin66 on 14-Aug-2005 | Tarzan and JaneTarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years
with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees
for sex. Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this
legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and
discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She
watched in awe for a while.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came
out into the open and offered herself to him. As she reclined on
the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in
the crotch. In pain she screamed "What the hell did you do that
for?" Tarzan replied, "Always check for squirrels."
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| Posted by Tom on 14-Aug-2005 | Dopey goofed againSix of the seven dwarfs went to see the Pope. Upon ariving they
went to ask the pope a question. They all wanted to know if
there were any three-foot tall nuns running around the Vatican.
The pope thought for a second before telling them that he knew
of no three-foot tall nuns. All six of the dwarfs broke out in
laughter. The Pope then ask them what was so funny. All six at
the same time sang out, "Dopey fucked a penguin!"
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| Posted by Nevyn J. Leo on 14-Aug-2005 | How Seven Dwarves Got Their NameEver wonder how the seven dwarves got their names?
Miss Snow White was a randy cow,
And desperate for a fuck.
So off she went into the woods,
To try and get some luck!
She'd almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke.
Then stumbled on a cottage,
And went in for a poke.
Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she'd just removed her pants,
When seven Dwarves came marching in,
With a merry song and dance.
Snow White just stood there speechless,
And thought she was in heaven!
Originally after one good shag,
But now she could have seven.
Straight away she took command,
"My fanny need a lick!"
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said "Oi-you'd better drop you pick!"
So down he went onto all fours,
And said "I ain't licking that!"
"Not there, that me arse-hole,
You DOPEY little brat!"
The next dwarf started blushing,
"Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL!
Unless you're fucking queer!"
So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho"
As she rode upon his tool.
Now one dwarf wasn't smiling,
'Cos he hadn't had a sniff.
And due to his impatience,
He couldn't raise a stiff.
"Relax, you GRUMPY bastard",
So he did as he was told.
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his fucking load.
The next dwarf got a blow job,
And she took him in quite easy.
But she just avoided brain-damage,
Whe he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.
With three dwarves left, she turned and said,
"You're next, I want your knob!"
But no sooner had he entered her,
Than he was sleeping on the job.
"Wake up you SLEEPY idiot"
She wanted more from him.
And he woke with such excitement,
That he filled her hairy quim.
The next dwarf rammed his up her,
And shagged her fanny raw.
And dazed Snow White then whimpered,
"That should be against the law!"
He made poor Snow White tremble,
He was so big and thick.
"No wonder you're so HAPPY,
With that fucking great big dick."
With one dwarf still remaining,
But feeling rather sore,
She said "You'll have to use your tongue,
My clit can't take no more.!"
And so he put his tongue to work,
Where others had put their cocks.
And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
She named the last one DOC.
Now Snow White couldn't do much,
With all that cum inside her quim,
So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
And filled it to the brim.
So there's the truth about the dwarves,
And how they got their names,
By satisfying miss Snow White,
And joining in her games.
There's one more thing you need to know,
And that's what happened to that cup?
Well think of what you're drinking...
When you next buy 7-UP
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| Posted by GRIMrprTAZ on 14-Aug-2005 | M&Ms For HalloweenOn Halloween a black boy and girl went to their neighbor's house
dressed as Hansel and Gretel. The neighbor said" You guys can't
be Hansel and Gretel. You guys are black.
"So they went back to their house and dressed up as Santa Claus
and Rudolph. They went to their neighbor's house and he said
"You guys can't be Santa Claus and Rudolph. You guys are black.
"So they went back to their house and when they got dressed up
they went back to their neighbor's house. When he opened the
door he gasped because they we're nude. He asked them, "What are
you?" And the girl said, "We're M&Ms. I'm Plain and he's got
Nuts."
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| Posted by calum irvine on 14-Aug-2005 | 10 Pranks To Pull on SantaUse these 10 pranks if last year you didn't get what you wanted.
10. Put a 20 dollar bill in your letter.
9. Put axle grease on the roof and watch them reindeer and santa
fall.
8. Add some laxitives to the cookie batter and santa will hope
his magic can get him to the bathroom fast.
7. Get a set of wild dogs and don't feed them and on Christmas
Eve set them under the chimney of course they wont eat but
that'll sure send his fat butt back up it.
6. Make a tape of you and your friends singing christmas carols
as loud as you can and leave it playing. You probably think he
loves them but he hears them all the time so it probably gets
annoying.
5. Set his reindeer free.
4. Switch the lists so that the nice kids get the crap and the
naughty ones get the good stuff.
3. Put a mix of mayo and peanut butter in the stockings and when
he pulls his hand out it will be all nasty.
2. Catch his sleigh on fire.
1. Before you go to the mall to sit on santas lap eat a lot of
beans and when standing in line get up a good batch and when you
sit on his lap let her rip.
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| Posted by Vanessa Leyden on 14-Aug-2005 | Short-Lived SuperheroesHere is a short list of short-lived comic superheroes,villians
and characters:
Captain Sponataneous Combustion
Suicidal Man
Dr.Venerial Disease
The Amazing Decaying Man
Mr. Obese
Mama's Boy
The Sarcastic Hostage
Gasoline Man and His Sidekick The Amazing Flaming Boy
PMS Girl and her Sidekick, Insensitive Man
The Glow in the Dark Stalker
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| Posted by Ryan Gould on 14-Aug-2005 | Mary had a little lambmary had a little lamb,
she kept it in a bucket,
everytime it got out the dog tried to....
lick its face! (if u dont get it your an idiot)
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| Posted by mark m. mcdonald on 14-Aug-2005 | Turtle in the Desert One day there was a man driving his old Pickup Truck through
the desert. On the side of the sand road there was this little
baby turtle swaying his head from side to side saying, "No No No
No No No No No No No" like the little cat on the Meow Mix
commercials(you know, "Meow meow meow meow").
The next day later the man goes to the hospital for a
terribe heart attack. Before he dies, he tells his son, "Bob, I
want you to have my Pickup Truck. Take that truck and drive it
through the desert. There you will find a turtle swaying his
head from side to side going "No No No No No No" like the cat on
the Meow Mix Commercials. I want you to ask him why he is going
"No No No No No". Do it for me, son. Do it for your ol' dad."
Then he dies.
So the son takes the pickup and drives through the desert.
Soon enough, he sees the turtle almost starving to death and he
is dehydarated, going "No....No...No.." He gives the turltle a
sandwich and a bottle of water and asks why he is going "No No
No No". After he nouriches, he says,
"All this sand and no sand toys to play with it!!!!"
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| Posted by Azrael Muadhen on 14-Aug-2005 | Santa's problemWhy can't Santa Clause have kids?
Because he only cums once a year.
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| Posted by Penny Oliver on 14-Aug-2005 | Chocolate Melts In Your MouthTwo men a white man and a hispanic man were driving down the
freeway when a black mans car swerved out of its lane and hit
the other car head on. All three men died on contact, and went
to hell. When they got there Satan told them that he would grab
their penis, and if it melted they would stay in hell, if it
didnt they could go to heaven. First Satan grabbed the white
mans penis and it melted, then he grabbed the asian mans penis
and also it melted. Satan feeling pretty confident strutted
over to the black guy and grabbed his penis, and held it, but
for some reason it didn't melt, Satan feeling pretty pissed
asked why his penis didn't melt, the black man replied
"Chocolate melts in your mouth not in your hand, Sir"
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