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| Posted by Timothy Withers on 14-Aug-2005 | Mickey and Minnie in Divorce Court One day, Mickey and Minnie get into a fight and then they go to
Divorce Court. When the judge asks Minnie why she wanted a
divorce, she said, "Well, he's a super, stupid, scientific,
butt-liking, pussay."
When the judge asks Mickey why he wanted a divorce, he said,
"She's crazy. And she was just fucking Goofy!"
The judge then says, "Mickey and Minnie Mouse, you are now a
divorced couple, just sign these forms to verify that you are."
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| Posted by Kricket1418 on 14-Aug-2005 | Snoopy on the BibleOne day, Charlie Brown was quizzing Snoopy on how much he knew
about the Bible.
"Who created the earth in 6 days?" Charlie Brown asked Snoopy.
Right then, Woodstock poked Snoopy with a pin that was stuck on
his shirt. Snoopy yelled in pain, "GOD!"
"That's correct!" said Charlie Brown. "Ok, next question...who
died on the cross for us and then was raised from the dead 3
days later?"
Then again, Woodstock poked Snoopy with a pin and again, in pain
and annoyance, Snoopy yelled, "JESUS CHRIST!"
"That's right again, good job Snoopy!" said Charlie Brown, very
pleased. "Ok, the last question... What did Eve say to Adam?"
Again, Woodstock poked Snoopy with the pin and Snoopy was so
annoyed that he yelled out, "STOP POKING ME WITH THAT THING OR I
WILL RIP IT OFF!"
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| Posted by Anya on 14-Aug-2005 | Children Books that will never be published"You Were an Accident"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild
Animals of North
Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
"Why can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Socket be friends?"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Dad's New Wife Timothy"
"Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games"
"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"
"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"
"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"
"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary
School"
"Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear"
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| Posted by Mike E. Brown on 14-Aug-2005 | Raggedy Anne and PinnochioWhat did Raggedy Anne say when she was sitting on Pinocchio's
face?
"Tell the truth! Tell a lie! Tell the truth! Tell a lie!"
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| Posted by Tom C on 14-Aug-2005 | BatmanA nun in a full black habit was walking past a bar when a drunk
stumbled out, saw her, and punched her in the nose. Before she
could scream, he landed another sloppy one-two and an uppercut.
When she went down, he proceeded to kick her in the ribs with
his scuffed business shoes. As a crowed gathered, the drunk
stopped and staggered back, and slurred, "You're not so tough,
Batman!"
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| Posted by Aimee C. Goldberg on 14-Aug-2005 | Rejected Dr. Seuss BooksRejected Dr. Seuss Books
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
1. The Cat in the Blender
2. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert
3. Fox in Detox
4. Who Shat in the Hat?
5. Horton Hires a Ho
6. The Flesh-Eating Lorax
7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
8. Your Colon Can Moo---Can You?
9. Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
10. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch
11. Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out!
12. Are You My Proctologist?
13. Yentl the Lentil
14. My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket
15. Aunts in My Pants
16. Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff!
17. Horton Fakes an Orgasm
18. The Grinch's Ten Inches
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| Posted by Chapane on 14-Aug-2005 | Adam & EveHeaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes
to see who should get in. A man ascended to heaven, and came to
the gates.
"Who was the first man?" asked Peter.
"Adam."
"That's correct. Enter." Soon another man came along.
"Where did Adam and Eve live?"
"Eden."
That's correct. Enter." Then Mother Theresa came along.
"Ooh, I'll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when
she met Adam for the first time?"
"Mmm, that IS a hard one."
"Enter."
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| Posted by Leland W. Hack on 14-Aug-2005 | Mofia ChristmasTwas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.
When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"
When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elves,
And eight friggin' reindeer!
Wit' slicked-back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
Don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!
Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name:
"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"
As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side the head.
"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"
Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.
Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!"
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| Posted by Raynman M on 14-Aug-2005 | skateboardThere were three guys waiting to get into heaven, they were at
the pearly gates and Saint Peter told them that to get into
heaven, they had to answer one question, which was, " Have you
been faithful to your wife?". The first man told him, that yes,
he had been faithful and had never even thought about fooling
around. Saint Peter, gave the man a cadillac and let him in the
pearly gates. The second guy said, that yes he had been
faithful, but he did think about fooling around a couple of
times, Saint Peter gave him a bicycle and let him in the pearly
gates. The third guy stepped up, and hanging his head down, said
that he was unfaithful every chance he got, and was deeply sorry
for it. Saint Peter gave him a skateboard and let him in the
pearly gates.
Then one day, the guy on the skateboard, saw the guy in the
cadillac pulled over by a cloud and just crying his eyes out.
The skateboarder asked him why he was crying, he got the
cadillac and he shouldn't have anything to cry about. The guy in
the cadillac looked up and said, " I just saw my wife skateboard
by"!;)
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| Posted by Matt walsh on 14-Aug-2005 | Melting HandsThe king had a beautiful daughter. Everything the princess touched,
would melt. No matter what, metal, wood, plastic, etc.
Everything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were
afraid of her and nobody would dare to marry her.
One day a wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one
thing that would not melt in her hands, her symptom will be
cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a
competition, any man that can bring his daughter an object that
would not melt, gets to marry her and inherit the king's wealth.
Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince
brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest and
will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it
melted! The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a
very hard alloy but the same thing happened..... so he too went
away. The third prince told the princess "Put your hand in my
pocket and feel it." The princess did as told, though turning
red.... Tada! It did not melt! The king was overjoyed ! And, the
third prince lived happily with the princess ever after........
Question: What was the object?
Answer: M&M's Chocolate, melts in your mouth and not in your
hand! What were you thing of? ;)
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