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| Posted by James P. Bond on 14-Aug-2005 | Our Scary Gov'tWOW !!! THIS IS SCARY !!!
Can you imagine working for an organization that has a little
more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
*117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
*3 have done time for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
*84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress - the same
group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.
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| Posted by Fernando Rojas on 14-Aug-2005 | Winston ChurchillWinston Churchill was a quite a character. Here, for your
enjoyment, is a bit of a description of him:
(1) Seeing how rude Churchill was to his wife (and everyone
else), a lady once told him, "Winston, if I was your wife, I
would poison your tea." Churchill replied, "And madame, if I was
your husband, I would drink it." Ouch.
(2) At a dinner a party, a (different) lady thought Churchil had
had a bit too much to drink, and told him so: "Winston, you are
drunk." Churchill's answer: "And madame, you are ugly. The
difference is, in the morning, I will be sober." Ouch Ouch.
(3 and final) The famous playwright George Bernard Shaw, once
wrote a letter to Churchill along these lines: "...I would be
delighted if you could attend the first performance of my new
play...You may bring a friend, if you have one." Churchill was
not going to take that sitting down; his reply: "I apologize
that I cannot attend the first performance of your play, but I
will be happy to attend the second performance, if you have one."
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| Posted by Avi Marcus on 14-Aug-2005 | TragedyBill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the
students if anyone can give him an example of a "TRAGEDY". One
little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend who lives
next door was playing in the street when a car came along and
killed him, that would be a TRAGEDY." "No," Clinton says, "That
would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children
drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a
TRAGEDY." I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we
would call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent; none of the other
children volunteer. "What?" asks Clinton. "Isn't there any one
here who can give me an example of a TRAGEDY?"
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he
speaks: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were
blown up by a bomb, that would be a TRAGEDY." "Wonderful!"
Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be
a TRAGEDY?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an ACCIDENT, and
it certainly would be no GREAT LOSS!"
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| Posted by Faith Heart on 14-Aug-2005 | The Best Place to Meet Bill CintonWhere is the best place to meet Bill Clinton and why?
The oval office because he can't corner you.
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| Posted by FirePrincess on 14-Aug-2005 | Good TradePresident Clinton arrived back in D.C. after a trip to his home
state of Arkansas. He stepped out of the plane carrying two
pigs, one under each arm. When he reached the bottom of the
stairs the Marine guard sharply saluted him as usual. Clinton
said, "I'd like to salute you back son, but as you can see my
hands are full."
The Marine replied, "Yes Sir! Mighty fine pigs, Sir!" President
Clinton responded, "These aren't just ordinary pigs, Marine.
They are pure Arkansas Razorback Pigs!!" The Marine replied,
"Yes Sir! Mighty fine Razorbacks, Sir!" The President then
responded, "I got this one for Hillary and this one for Monica."
The Marine guard then replied, "Yes Sir! Good trade, Sir!"
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| Posted by Brandon k. Orr on 14-Aug-2005 | Al QuiediaWhat is that good about Taliban airlines ?
They take you straight to your office?
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| Posted by Rougewisp on 14-Aug-2005 | President Bush and Taliban LeaderBush went to Afganistan to discuss peace agreements. While he
was in the Room The Taliban leader presses a button and a Fist
comes out and puches him. He begans to laugh and Bush is
annoyed. Then as the began talking he presses another button and
a fist comes out and punches his balls. This really gets on his
nerves so he leaves. The talaban leader is laughing his ass off.
Two months latter Bush calls for a peace agreement woth
Afganistans leader. AS they are in the oval office Bush presses
a button and the Taliban leader ducks but nothing happend Bush
is laughing his head off. when the began talking again push
presses the button again and the T leader covers his balls
nothing happend bush is laughing so hard he is read. The T
leader says I'm going back to Afganistan Bush replies what
afganistan
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| Posted by zach bennett on 14-Aug-2005 | 3 Parachutes 4menGeorge Bush, a hippy, bill Gates, and a priest are on an
airplane. The airplane starts to crash and there's only 3
parachutes. George Bush said "I'm the president the American
people can't live without me," so he grabs a parachute and
jumps. bill Gates said "I'm the smartest richest person in the
world I have to live." So he grabs a parachute and jumps. It was
down to the priest and the hippy and the priest said "It's
better to give than to receive take the last parachute," and the
Hippy said No man, it's all good... Bill Gates grabbed my back
pack.
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| Posted by frogstomp on 14-Aug-2005 | Green, Fuzzy...Whats green, fuzzy and smells like Monica Lewinski?
Bill Clinton's pool table.
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| Posted by Big Fat ASS on 14-Aug-2005 | George W. & The QueenPresident George W. Bush was representing the United States of
America on a highly formal, orchestrated state visit to England.
The President joined Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate
17th-century coach hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses.
The coach proceeded through the streets of London en route to
Buckingham Palace, and the Queen and the President were waving
to the cheering throngs.
Then suddenly the right rear horse produced a thunderous fart
that reverberated through the air and rattled the doors of the
coach, sending a horse-shit stench blowing through the coach.
Uncomfortable, the two powerful figures try to focus their
attentions elsewhere and behave as if nothing extraordinary had
happened.
But the Queen realized that ignoring what had just happened
would be ridiculous. She explained: "Mr. President, please
accept my regrets - I'm sure you understand that there are some
things that even a Queen cannot control."
George W. replied, "No need to be ashamed, your majesty... it's
just gas. But I gotta admit, until you confessed, I thought it
was one of the horses!"
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