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| Posted by Sarah M. Love on 14-Aug-2005 | Horny redneckWhat do you call a horny redneck who can't tell the truth?
Bill Clinton.
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| Posted by Coley T. Dyaps on 14-Aug-2005 | How Can I Be a Better PresidentBill Clinton went to bed one night and then suddenly woke up to
see George Washington standing there. He asked, "How can I be a
better president?" Washington replied, "Be honest Bill."
Clinton went back to bed, then he woke again to see Thomas
Jefferson standing there. He asked, "How can I be a better
president?" Jefferson replied, "Be loyal Bill."
He went back to bed, then woke again to see Abe Lincoln standing
there. He asked, "Abe, how can I be a better president?" Lincoln
relied, "Go to a theater Bill."
(Abe was killed in a theater)
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| Posted by janaki on 14-Aug-2005 | A QuickieGeorge W. Bush and Al Gore went to a fancy resturaunt. The
waitress came and asked what they wanted. George said, "I want a
quickie." The witress slapped him and walked away. George then
asked Al what he did wrong. Gore told him it that was pronounced
"queshe."
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| Posted by Bill Scoby on 14-Aug-2005 | Clintons at the Ball GameBill and Hillary went to the first baseball game of the year in
Baltimore's new Camden Yards stadium.
The umpire went to the Presidential box seat next to the home
dugout, whispered something to Bill, then walked back to home
plate.
Bill shrugged his shoulders, and then threw Hillary onto the
playing field.
The umpire shook his head, walked back to where Bill was sitting
and said, "No, sir, I asked you to throw out the first PITCH."
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| Posted by STATIC X on 14-Aug-2005 | Osama bin Laden and George BushOne day Osama bin Laden and George Bush were at the dump,
dumping their trash when they saw each other. Then, George Bush
found a funny looking bottle and decided to open it. When he
opens it, a little genie pops out and says, "You each get one
wish, Osama bin Laden goes first. What is your your wish Osama?"
"Well," Osama said, "I want a great wall around my country,
Afganistan, and I want it to be 500 feet tall and 500 feet wide,
and absolutely nothing can go through it, so that all of my
Muslims there cannot escape. That is all. Can you do that?"
"Your wish is granted Osama," said the genie, "Now for your wish
George. What will it be?"
"Fill it with water."
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| Posted by kevin g. kambool on 14-Aug-2005 | Which World Leaders to Choose?It is time to elect a world leader, and your vote counts. Here
are the facts about the three leading candidates:
Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults
with astrologers. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes
and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps untill
noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every
evening.
Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,
doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any
extra-marital affairs.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?
And the candidates are:
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolf Hitler
So...what makes a leader a good leader??
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| Posted by Haydogg, Wooder on 14-Aug-2005 | Presidential ClockThis is the FBI summary of a conversation that took place this
week between president Clinton and Ashley, a brand new intern in
the White House:
Ashley walked into the white house for her first day of her
internship and was greeted by the President. After a short tour
of the White House the President asked "how would you like to
see the Presidential clock?"
Ashley looked trouble and said "I don't know..........MR.
President. I have heard some pretty bad things about you. I
don't think that would be a good idea."
"Nonsense," said the President, "its just a clock." Ashley
agreed and the president lead her into the oval office where
they were alone. As he closed the door he dropped his pants and
pulled out his cock.
Ashley gasped. "Oh! That's not the Presidential
clock......that's the Presidential...cock!" to which the
president responded:
"Ashley honey, you put a face and two hands on it and its a
clock...."
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| Posted by stratpunk157 on 14-Aug-2005 | MiscommunicationA squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi
border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead
body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road. A short
distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American
soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still
barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head
and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to
the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard.
I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is an
unprincipled, lying piece of trash!' He looked me right in the
eye and shouted back, 'Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying
piece of trash too!' We were standing there shaking hands when
the truck hit us."
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| Posted by lawyer jokes on 14-Aug-2005 | The 7 Dwarfs and the Pope6 of th 7 dwarfs are sitting in their house when Doc comes
running in. Doc says, "OH MY GOSH...you guys,i just won us all
free trips to go see the Pope tomorrow."
So the 7 dwarfs are standing in front of the Pope, pushing Dopey
towards the front saying, "ask him dopey, ask him!" dopey tuggs
on the Pope's clothes and the Pope looks down. dopey says, "are
there nuns in alaska?"
"of course! why wouldnt there be?!" says the Pope. the dwarfs
whisper to dopey, "ask him the second part. come on, ask him!"
so dopey asks, "are there midgets in alaska?"
"oh, im sure there are." says the Pope. and the dwarfs say, "ask
him the last part dopey. go ahead, ask him!" the Pope looks at
dopey and says, "what is the last part dopey?"
dopey shyfully says, "are there midget nuns in alaska?" and the
Pope says "HELL NO!"
the rest of the dwarfs chime together..."DOPEY HAD SEX WITH A
PENGUIN! DOPEY HAD SEX WITH A PENGUIN!......"
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| Posted by katy m on 14-Aug-2005 | True StamentsGeorge W. Bush, Al Gore, And Ralph Nader were eating dinner
together when they all had to go to the restroom. Upon entering
the restroom the mirror came alive and said, "Each of you is to
make a statement about yourselves. If it is true you will get
whatever use want and if it is false you will be cast into the
pit of eternal torment."
Ralph Nader went first and said, "I Think I am very
environmentally concerned." And instantly got a million dollars.
Al Gore went next and said, "I think I think I have had a lot of
experience with a high office," and got a new car.
George W. went next. He said, "I think..." and was instantly
sucked into the pit.
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