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| Posted by Bear on 14-Aug-2005 | Luke SkywalkerOne day, Luke Skywalker and Obi-One came into a Chinese
Resturant. They ordered the food and then sat down to eat. "Damm
it!" cried Luke, "These sticks are so hard." As Luke's face grew
livid with rage, Obi-One calmly replied, "Use the forks, Luke,
use the forks."
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| Posted by Kathryn Ellis on 14-Aug-2005 | A Typical Scene in RhyDinHer: A wee bonnie lass enters the inn, hips swaying seductively in a clear
cry to be adored for the goddess she is, firm young body jiggling in all
the right places, the wafted scent of a undenyable pheromone filling the
air with intoxicating lusts.
Him: The dashing and handsome bard looks at the door falling madly in love
with the most beautiful woman he has seen in the last five minutes.
Her: She casts her mood ring eyes about, at the moment displaying a
pulsating, intense violet.
Him: He stands and bounds across the room, muscles rippling beneath the
rich doublet laying open to showcase a partial view of rock hard pecks
chiseled in aesthetically pleasing tanned skin.
Her: She shakes out her sunset red hair in an enthralling vision of hair
doing hair things, totally unaware that her peasant blouse has fallen to
her elbow laying one luscious curve of a genetically perfect breast in
partial view.
Him: The bard stands before the mystery woman who will bear his children
in two days gaping at the bared flesh like he has never seen one before in
all his life, his pants suddenly three sizes too small.
Her: She looks at him expectantly, sure he will spew an ode to her obvious
beauty and chaste virtues as is only fitting in such a situation.
Him: Thee art the most beautiful femme ah hath ever looked upon.
Her: M'lor', y'do a wee lass 'ho 'as ne'errrrrrrrrr known 'ha touch o' a
man' grrrrrrea' 'onor.
Him: He stares at her blankly hoping what she said was good and included
an invitation to bed her in the next five minutes because he has to go to
sleep in thirty minutes
Her: She bats her eyes at him artfully, hoping he notes the fact that they
have changed colors to a brilliant and naughty emerald.
Him: Mayest un homme buyeth thou un boisson?
Her: Aye, y'ken.
Him: Smiling his manly winning smile, he strides over to the bar in two
mighty steps to fetch a pair of glasses with bloodwyne just coincidentally
waiting at the bar for him.
Her: She poses while he is away not wanting anyone in the room to forget
that her blouse is falling off quite unbeknownst to her.
Him: He returns and hands her a glass.
Her: She takes it making sure to touch his hand while at the same time
pretending it was him doing the touching.
Him: Cherie, thee art most winsome. Je t'aime toujour.
Her: Th' cannae b'trrrrue m'lor'. I be a wee virrrrrrgin 'ho coul' n'r
'ope t'be loved b' 'he likes o' y'.
Him: He blinks at her deciding she just gave him deflowering rights.
Her: Her luminescent eyes fill with tears while turning blue and she
begins to cry hoping it will make everyone in the room pay attention to
her and entice him to take her in a passionate embrace
Him: Unable to handle the idea of his fiance suddenly reduced to tears, he
takes her up into his all powerful arms, checking the room quickly for his
three other betrothed.
Her: She can feel her bountiful chest crushed to the bare part of his,
body still trembling with the tears
Him: Sips his wyne
Her: Sips her wyne
Him: Ma coeur, thee art most beauteous. Tis a sin foreth such perfection
to cry so.
Her: She lifts her tear stained face that suffered from no puffiness nor
snot slime, coffee brown eyes filled with raw sensuality, lips parted
invitingly.
Him: He presses his heated lips to hers to kiss her like she has never
been kissed before, half because now he can take her to a PR and half
because he is afraid she will open her mouth and say something else he
won't get.
Her: Sips wyne
Him: Sips wyne
Her: She presses into his kiss, tongue tangling with his in a mystic,
erotic dance
Him: He holds her tightly in his arms even still, checking out a really
hot elf who just walked in
Her: Finally, she breaks the kiss, blushing terribly because she never
does anything like this
Him: Bien sur, willest thee come to mah Castle to continue?
Her: 'ow darrrre y'tr't m'like som common slut 'ho onl' wan's t' 'ump like
a couple o' rrrrrrrrrra'i's!
Him: He looks at her blandly, wondering if she caughted him staring at the
elvish babe but trying to find a way to salvage the situation so he can
still score
Her: She slaps him resoundedly on the face
Him: So, thee dost liketh it rough, non?
Her: (You are SUCH a Newbie!!!! Shots him with Ignore Ray)
Him: (What a Snert Slaps an ignore on her sagging middle aged butt)
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| Posted by Tom C on 14-Aug-2005 | Superheros' UnderwearHave you ever wondered why almost all superheros wear their underwear on
the outside of their pants? Do you find this a little strange. I mean I
wear my underwear on the inside and I don't get any credit at all while
all these weirdos are celebrity's. Think about it. Would you actually want
to be saved by these guys? If I was saved by one I would have nightmares
for the rest of my life.
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| Posted by mas on 14-Aug-2005 | The Chinese RestaurantOne day, in a cantina, on the planet of Tatooine, Obi-Wan Kenobi
and Luke Skywalker were eating in a "strange and foreign"
Chinese restaurant.
Obi-Wan was eating a won-ton when he noticed that Luke was
having a little bit of trouble with his eating utensils.
Luke said to his Jedi Master, "Ben, I'm having a lots of trouble
getting the food to my mouth with these chopsticks."
Ben laughed heartily and replied, "Use the forks, Luke."
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| Posted by Cynthia M on 14-Aug-2005 | The Pledge of the Committed Hero Wiener1. I, as a dedicated wiener, pledge to be the wussiest I can, but always
win.
2. Through the course of my journey, I will never act cool.
3. I pledge to effect the lives of everyone I meet, but only in a minute
way.
4. No one will stop me from completing my mission.
5. If I become romantically involved with a woman, I will quickly forget
about it. It's way to nonsensical for some beautiful buxom women to fall
for me.
6. I will never have sex! Ever!
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| Posted by Ryan Gould on 14-Aug-2005 | Want to Be Between a Beautiful Girl's LegsA man found this lamp. He rubbed it and out came a genie. The
genie said that since the man freed him from the lamp he would
grant him three wishes.
The man first wished for a big, beautiful car. The genie gave it
to him. He then wished for a great big house. The genie gave it
to him. When it came to his third wish, the man became real shy.
The genie coaxed and cajoled him to make his wish. After a lot
of coaxing the man said, "I want to be between a beautiful
girl's legs." He became a sanitary napkin.
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| Posted by Emily L. Russell on 14-Aug-2005 | Star Ship enterpriseWhy is the Star Ship Enterprise like a toilet roll????
Because it flies around Uranus looking for cling ons!
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| Posted by Shelly Mclaughlin on 14-Aug-2005 | Genie and 3 GuysThree guys are walking down a beach. One of them trips on a
bottle. They pick it up and a genie pops out. "I'm a powerful
genie, I'll grant each one of you a wish!"
The guys think for a while, and the first one goes: "I want to
be two times as smart as I am right now!" Genie says "okay" and
the guy's smarter.
The second guy goes: "I want to be 3 times as smart as I am
right now!" Genie agrees and the guy becomes smarter.
The third guy thinks for a while, then he says: "I don't care
about 2 or 3, I want to be FIVE times as smart as I am right
now!" Genie looks at him, frowns a bit, and says: "Are you sure
about this?" The guy goes, "Yeah, that's my wish"
Genie: "Are you really sure that's what you want?"
Guy: "Yeah, yeah, cut the talk, just grant the wish."
Genie: "Okay."
And the guy became a woman.
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| Posted by Gracey Lou Freebush on 14-Aug-2005 | Three Men and a RiverOnce there were three blond who were all trying to figure out
how to cross a river. They tried walking across, but it was much
too deep. Stumped, they sat down and began to cry.
Soon, a kind fairy came along. When she saw their tears, she
offered to give them each a wish if they would stop weeping.
The first man wished, "I wish I was smart enough to figure out
how to cross this river."
-POOF!-
The fairy turned him into a man with light-brown hair. He swam
across the river.
The second man wished, "I wish I was even smarter than that."
-POOF!-
The fairy turned him into a man with dark-brown hair. He built a
rowboat and rowed across.
The third man wished, "I want to be smarter then any man alive!"
-POOF!-
The fairy turned him into a woman and he walked across the
bridge.
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| Posted by Jeff Truthan on 14-Aug-2005 | Wife Gets DoubleThere was a guy who just got out of a really bad divorce with
his wife. One day, he found a genie's lamp. The genie came out
and said, "Hello master. I will grant you three wishes, but
whatever you wish for your wife gets double."
The guy didn't like that part but he made a wish anyway. For his
first wish, he said, "Genie, I want a house in Hawaii." POOF! He
got one house, his wife got two. This didn't make him happy but,
he made his second wish.
"Genie, I want 2 billion dollars." POOF! He got two billion, his
wife four billion. By now, this guy isn't very happy. The genie
says,"You have one wish left. I have to remind you, what ever
you wish for your wife gets double." The guy says, "Yeah, yeah.
I know." So the guy thinks real hard and says, "I got it! Genie,
beat me half to death!"
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