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| Posted by Cassy L. Crouch on 14-Aug-2005 | George CarlinismsHow come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address,
you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid made with real lemons?
Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they
keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that
he just whipped out a quarter?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his
Walkman?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear
earmuffs?
If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what
are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look
the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns
out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a
running child?
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| Posted by Robert Smith on 13-Aug-2005 | Santa's problems witth the 12 days of ChristmasSanta Claus Ltd
North Pole
December 1999
Dear Mary:
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree on Christmas.
I was going to bring you all the gifts from the "Twelve Days of Christmas," but we have a little problem up here. The Twelve Fiddlers fiddling have all come down with STD's from fiddling with the Ten Ladies Dancing; the Eleven Lords a Leaping have knocked up the Eight Maids a Milking; the Nine Pipers Playing have been arrested for doing weird things to the Seven Swans a Swimming ...
Even worse! The Six Geese a Laying, Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves, and the Partridge In a Pear Tree have me up to my ass in bird crap!
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through the menopause; eight of my reindeer are in heat; the elves have joined the Gay Liberation Movement, and those dumb-ass Liberals have scheduled Christmas in Sydney for the 5th of January.
... Nevertheless, hope YOU have a merry Christmas!
Yours faithfully,
Santa
Chief Executive Officer
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| Posted by DiAnA O on 14-Aug-2005 | Helen KellerHow did eln keller burn her face?
she was bobbing for French fries
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| Posted by MindYerBeak on 08-Aug-2005 | Michael Jackson jokeWhat did the lady at the beach say to Michael Jackson?
Get out of my sun!
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| Posted by Don J. Salcido on 14-Aug-2005 | Dead Actress JokeWhat kind of wood doesn't float?
Natalie Wood.
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| Posted by Box Social on 14-Aug-2005 | wwf who wants to know a joke about Stone Cold Stev Who want's to know why Stone Cold Steve Austin is keep saying
what what what becaues he has to it's in he's work he has to
say hahahehehe
P.S. I really like Stone Cold Steve Austin
By Krista Anderson If want to e-mail here is my
e-mail sassykna@yahoo.com
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