One Liners
People love and at the same time hate a smart aleck. And what better way to embarrass or frustrate a co-worker than with those insulting One Liners that draws the eyes where ever you may be. May you be in school, work or even at home, a well timed one-liner is sure to get the attention of each and every one ion the vicinity. One Liners, are concise but direct to the point and can solicit varied response from your audience. www.Funny-Jokes-Portal.com has a sizeable collection of the best of the best one-liners from all over the world for it is the premier site for all the best fun stuff anywhere on the internet.
It’s collection of over 60,000 individual jokes and other fun stuff grouped into over 90 categories with one solely for One Liners is considered to be the largest and most diverse collection of fun stuff on the web to date. Don’t take our word for it and check out the site. www.Funny-Jokes-Portal.com for all the best fun stuff on the web plus a whole lot more. Need a laugh to cure the woes of the day or at least take them off your mind even for a minute? Subscribe to the mailing list and get them every day for a good dose of healthy humor. Want to help us expand our collection? Send your jokes in to us and we’ll include them in our ever expanding collection of fun stuff anywhere else on the web.
One Liners
Did
you ever hear the one about the paranoid dyslexic? He always thought he was
following someone.
Shouldn’t
the Air and Space Museum be empty?
What
was the elephant doing on the highway? About 10 Kmh.
Why
do mermaids wear seashells? Because C-shells are to
small and D-shells are to large.
What
did the big candle say to the young candle? You’re too young to go out!
How
can you tell when you’re getting old? When you go to an auction and four people
start to bid on you!
What
do you get a 500 pound gorilla for his
birthday? I don’t know, but you’d better be sure he likes it!
Why
was the pointy-eared guy down in the dumps? He had low elf-esteem.
What
do you get to call a store that sells shoes and also offers Karate lessons?
Chop Shooey!
How
do you keep cool at a football game? Stand next to a FAN.
Why
did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
How
can you tell if the elephant is about to charge? He asks if you accept Visa.
Where
do vampires learn to suck blood? Law School.
What
does the teacher call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate
Clauses.
What
do you call a lost diamond ring lost in a golf course? A
diamond in the rough.
What
do you get when you cross an elephant and a prostitute? A 16,000 pound whore
that lays for peanuts.
Anybody
hear about the thieves who stole a calendar? They both got six months each.
Why
is Cinderella bad at sports? Imagine having a pumpkin as your coach, wouldn’t
you run away from the ball?
A
rabbit and duck went out to dinner, who paid? The duck, he had the bill.
What
do you get when you cross a snake, a rabbit and an amoeba? An
adder who can multiply and divide.
What
do you get when two silkworms go on a race? They end up in a tie.
Why
did the parrot wear a raincoat? So he could be polyunsaturated.
Did
you ever hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was accused
of buttering up his teacher.
How
would you analyze financially a fortune-teller who isn’t doing too good? You’re not making much of a prophet.
Why
is a hospital gown similar to health insurance? Because you’re never as covered
as you think you are.
Did
you hear about the two podiatrists who opened offices on the same street? They
were arch-enemies.
What
do you call a blonde with 80% of her intelligence gone? Divorced.
Why
do cats hate flying saucers? Because they can’t get to the
milk, silly.
What is greater than God, more
evil than the devil, the poor have it and the rich need it and if you eat it
you die? “Nothing.”
What
is the difference between a large cheese pizza and a poker player? The pizza
can feed a family of four!
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