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| Posted by Big Huka on 14-Aug-2005 | top 10 signs you are a chem engineer:10.You attempt to explain entropy to strangers at the table
during a casual dinner conversation
9. You explain surface tension to your child when he asks why
you add oil while boiling spagetti
8. You explain your position as being a 'oasis of knowledge in a
vast desert of ignorance'
7. When people around you yawn, you think it's because they
didn't get enough sleep
6. You have a favorite pump manufacturer
5. Your family has no idea what you do at work
4. you consider cuddling an unproductive application of heat
exchange
3. If you see a design, sufficient for its pupose, but still
must change it and profess that the person who made it was a
complete idiot
2. You can have no pulse, but still be alive
1. You can perform triple integration and do so to solve even
the most basic problems
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| Posted by Roy A. Pitta on 14-Aug-2005 | fire in the buildingthere was a fire in a shoe factory...one hundred soles were lost
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| Posted by Michael R. Shocket on 10-Aug-2005 | Accountant in HeavenAn accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is
amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.
After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I
wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a
remarkable man as yourself."
The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am
overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter.
"It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living
to the age of 123 and still looking so young," says St. Peter.
The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "123 years old? I don't know
what you mean. I'm only 40."
St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!"
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| Posted by Tyson Taylor on 10-Aug-2005 | Light bulbQ: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven plus or minus ten.
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| Posted by Raymond N. Kostowski on 10-Aug-2005 | IrreleventQ: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.
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| Posted by Jaz on 10-Aug-2005 | DifferenceQ: What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with
Alzheimer's?
A: The economist is the one with the calculator.
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| Posted by Tommy Handler on 10-Aug-2005 | DifferenceQ: What's the difference between economists and businessmen?
A: The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their
four feet in the ground.
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| Posted by Jocky on 10-Aug-2005 | EconomistsQ: Why did God create economists?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.
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| Posted by beefa on 10-Aug-2005 | Long runQ: What does an economist do?
A: A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.
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| Posted by Colten Reddit on 10-Aug-2005 | Relative to what?Two economists meet on the street.
One inquires, "How's your wife?"
The other responds, "Relative to what?"
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| Posted by Gary E. Suter on 10-Aug-2005 | Light bulbQ: How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
A: All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption,
dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.
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| Posted by Alice Tsai on 10-Aug-2005 | Light bulbQ: How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - the market has already discounted the change.
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| Posted by SexyChic04 on 10-Aug-2005 | Entire careerStockbroker at I.R.S.
The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He
showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then
sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.
Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a
tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
"Why would you say that?" wondered the broker.
"Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than
Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."
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| Posted by Jokester Jeff on 10-Aug-2005 | Businessman is dyingA businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to
promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the
Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, "Now, you have everything."
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| Posted by jacob l. sams on 10-Aug-2005 | Hiring an accountantKowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good
paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his
education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"
"Twenty-two," Kowalski replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have
taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He
was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious.
The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the job, even though he
got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were
the closest."
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| Posted by Julian Cuevas on 10-Aug-2005 | Counting some sheepAn accountant is having a hard time sleeping and so he decides to go to see
his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night," complains the man.
"Have you tried counting sheep?" inquired the doctor.
The accountant replied, "That's the problem, Doc. I make a mistake and then
spend three hours trying to find it!"
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| Posted by hello there on 10-Aug-2005 | Top reasons to study Economics1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."
2. Economists can supply it on demand.
3. You can talk about money without every having to make any.
4. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how
they turned out.
5. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are
there.
6. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
7. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get
taught that reward is its own virtue.
8. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the
law of diminishing marginal utility.
9. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something
to talk about.
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| Posted by Marie K. Anderson on 10-Aug-2005 | Buying your ticketThree engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three
engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The
accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a
restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting
tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door
opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the
conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and
save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station
they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you
going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the
three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another
one nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to
the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,
"ticket, please."
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| Posted by Roy Covington III on 10-Aug-2005 | Light bulbQ: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
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| Posted by Dragon Bird on 10-Aug-2005 | Light bulbQ: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you
in about five years.
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| Posted by MrTricky61 on 10-Aug-2005 | Wage rateQ: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on the wage rate.
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| Posted by Mr Serty Bond on 10-Aug-2005 | Light bulbQ: How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.
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| Posted by Rashadanah Williams on 10-Aug-2005 | An economist's speechThe following is supposedly a true story.
An economist was about to give a presentation in Washington, DC on the
problems with Black-Scholes model of option pricing and was expecting no more
than a dozen of government officials attending.
To his amazement, when he arrived, the room was packed with edgy,
tough-looking guys in shades. Still, after five or so minutes into the
presentation all of them stood up and left without a word.
The economist found out only later that his secretary ran the presentation
through a spell-checker and what was "The Problem with Black-Scholes" became
"The Problem with Black Schools".
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| Posted by Lucy Zhang on 10-Aug-2005 | Marketing translationsCracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It
shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble
because of language and cultural differences. For example, observe the following
examples below.
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately,
the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been
printed that the phrase means, "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed
with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese
characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be
loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi
Generation" came out, as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-licking' good" came
out as "eat your fingers off."
The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got
translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so
refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."
When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was
apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured
out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to
the Caribe.
When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to
say, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company
mistakenly thought the Spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads
said that "It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which
promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish,
the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."
Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious
porno magazine.
In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into
Schweppes Toilet Water.
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| Posted by nobody Nowhere on 10-Aug-2005 | English is really crazyThere is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in
France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither
from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce,
and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of
booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices?
Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that
smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat
chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the
weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out,
and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they
are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up
this essay, I end it.
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| Posted by eric yim on 10-Aug-2005 | Jump out of the planeAn Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a
small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having
mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3
of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"
The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath
and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also
jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and
he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
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| Posted by Allison Riel on 10-Aug-2005 | BridgeThere were 3 men working on a bridge that was too built above the Grand
Canyon. They were an Englishman, an American and an Irishman. One day, they sat
down to lunch and see what they got. The Englishman opened his lunchbox and
said:” Vegemite sandwich again! If I get vegemite sandwich again tomorrow I'll
throw myself off the bridge." The American opened his lunchbox and said:" Pork
chops and apple sauce again! If I get Pork chops and apple sauce tomorrow I'll
throw myself off the bridge." The Irishman opened his lunchbox and
said:"Orhhhhhhh.....!!! Mashed potatoes again! If I get mashed potatoes tomorrow
I'll throw myself off the bridge." The three men finish their lunch and get back
to work.
The next day, as they sat down to lunch again, they did the same
thing. The Englishman opened his lunchbox and it was a vegemite sandwich. He
said:” So long guys." and threw off the bridge. The American opened his lunchbox
and it was pork chops and apple sauce. He said to the Irishman:" So long dude."
and throws himself off the bridge. The Irishman opens his lunchbox and it was
mash potatoes. He throws himself off the bridge.
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| Posted by Christian t. Rios on 10-Aug-2005 | How do you spell Canada?How do you spell Canada?
*C-EH N-EH D-EH.
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| Posted by Marcos Salcedo on 10-Aug-2005 | I've been signed up with your serviceCustomer: I've been signed up with your service for over a week, and have not
been able to connect even once because of busy signals. If I can't get any
better service than that, I'm going to switch to another ISP.Tech Support:
Hmmm...that shouldn't be happening. We're nowhere near maxing out our dial-up
lines. Are you sure you're dialing the right number?Customer: I'm not stupid! I
know my own phone number!Tech Support: Now click the 'connect' button.Customer:
(modem dialing noises) Hold on, I have another call. (Pause) Hmmm. No one there.
Ok, I'll try this again. (modem dialing noises) Hold on, I got another call.
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| Posted by Jeremy A. Bennett on 10-Aug-2005 | DOs and DON'ts Don't callDos and don'ts don't call on behalf of your son or daughter who attends one of
our fine institutions of higher learning. s/he may not know what the hell is
wrong with the gerbil-powered system you bought for college, but you sure as
s*** don't know what the error messages say. don't even *try* it.don't ask the
tech "can you see what's on my screen?" no, dumbass, we can't magically
transform your phone into a viewing screen any more than you can use your
computer without screwing it up.do learn the language of the country you reside
in...or play queue roulette!do thank your lucky stars that i can't reach through
the phone and choke your dumb ass.
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