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| Posted by Jade Cat on 14-Aug-2005 | 666OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.
But did you know about:
660
Approximate number of the Beast
DCLXVI
Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000
Number of the High Precision Beast
0.666
Number of the Millibeast
/ 666
Beast Common Denominator
(-666) ^ (1/2)
Imaginary number of the Beast
6.66 e3
Floating point Beast
1010011010
Binary of the Beast
6, uh... what was that number again?
Number of the Blonde Beast
1-666
Area code of the Beast
00666
Zip code of the Beast
666mph
The speed limit of the Beast
$665.95
Retail price of the Beast
$699.25
Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95
Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66
Walmart price of the Beast
$646.66
Next week's Walmart price of the Beast
Phillips 666
Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666
Way of the Beast
666 F
Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k
Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg
Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66 %
5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank,
$666 minimum deposit.
$666/hr
Beast's lawyer's billing rate
Lotus 6-6-6
Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66
Word Processor of the Beast
i66686
CPU of the Beast
666i
BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 (revised)
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
1232 Octal, Apt. 29A
Beast's hexed address
668
Next-door neighbor of the Beast
333
The semi-Christ
665.9997856
The Number of the Beast on a Pentium
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| Posted by Sarah Clayton on 14-Aug-2005 | Jesus's CarWhat kind of Car does Jesus Drive?
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A Chrysler.
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| Posted by Billy Gilman Fanatic on 14-Aug-2005 | Cow ToolWhat is the cow favorite object?
A Cowculater?
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted by barbara coleman on 14-Aug-2005 | The Greatest Son Of All3 old women were sitting around talking about how great their
son's were. The first woman says, "I have the best son of all,
he is a preist." Her son walks into the room and all the women
say, "Hello father."
The second woman says, "Well, I can beat that, my son is a
Raibbi." Her son enters in and they all say, "Hello Raibbi."
The the third woman speaks and says, "I can beat both of you, my
son is a striper." My son walks in and they all say, "Oh my god!"
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| Posted by JenReo on 14-Aug-2005 | Opportunity at Dark Side Consulting GroupPosition Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side
Consulting Group
An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting
Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this
position would like galactic travel and possess a complete
understanding of and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a
willingness to learn.
Duties include: Performing competitive intelligence, hands-on
intervention in support of the Sith Master's planning
initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy widely, and operating
a variety of laser-powered hand weapons and high-powered
space/air vehicles. Some slaying of enemies of the Dark Side is
also required, which may be performed using the Force or hand
weapons.
Qualified applicants would possess good communications skills
(especially when speaking in menacing whispers), and would be
action-oriented individuals and risk takers. A background in
study of the Force (light side or dark) is desirable, as would
typically be acquired by those with advanced degrees or
significant course work in Jedi Arts from the University of
Coruscant. Applicants should also be familiar with holographic
projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot's license
(for all classes of ships), and must show a willingness to give
in to their hate. A proven track record of using fear and/or
Jedi mind tricks to control others is also desirable, as is the
ability to speak several galactic languages. Ideal candidates
for this position would also have no children or other living
relatives who are strong in the ways of the Force. (A new hire
would be given several weeks to meet this requirement.)
Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience,
and is extremely competitive for this field.
Benefits include a generous severance package, a company
starship, and a dark-colored clothingallowance. The Apprentice
Sith Lord reports to and works closely with the Sith Master, and
experience in such small, team-based organizations is vital to
the success of the master's plans. Discretion is also highly
valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens.
Applications will be accepted until the end of July. Transmit
them holographically to: jobs@darkside.com.
*****************************************************
Dark Side CG (tm) is a small and highly-focused organization,
founded a long time ago. Our core values reflect the short-term
advantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power and the
long-term desirability of controlling the galaxy. We provide
direction to our partner organizations through knowledge
management, incident control and our rapid on-site intervention
expertise. Our partnered organizations include the Imperial
Senate, the Hutt Gambling Collective of Tattooine, and many
large software companies.
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| Posted by Harriet Uhm on 14-Aug-2005 | >>>Small Joke<<<...So then the toothbrush says to the toiletpaper "I got the
worst job in the world"
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| Posted by Erik on 14-Aug-2005 | Commuters LamentVarily I sayeth unto thee, "Iseth it me, or doest the language
of ancient scripture givest thee a migrane too?"
Last week, someone told me that the only proper way of
addressing God in personal prayer was with archaic form, as in
"Spareth me thy unspeakable wrath, Oh Lord, for I am butteth a
worm, yea even unto a small one."
Not even. How I talk to God is my business. Which, by the way, I
have been doing a lot lately. Anyone who commutes to and frometh
work along the Wasatch Front has probably been praying in their
own way. Or at least calling on the name of God a lot.
Speaking of whicheth, someone sent me a copy of the "Commuter's
Lament." It's written in spiritual grammar, so it must work.
Harken unto my voice, all of you, and learn from my misfortune.
For I have dallied too long over "Good Morning America" and now
I pay the price. Yea, verily, it is rush hour.
And though I falleth upon my steering wheel and weep most
piteously, I goeth not forward upon the highway. And lo! There
is a wailing and gnashing of teeth, for clients do await me at
the office, and my boss doth curse my name most horribly.
And woe unto us all who do travel in the valley of the shadow of
road construction. For, verily, I am stopped near the
Machine-That-Makes-Pounding-Noises-For-No-Reason, and soon the
pain in my head is as a spike through my temple.
I look around myself, and I seeth also the doom of others. For
there are many children who frolic in back seats, and who do cry
out with much noise as and angry multitude: "I am hungry." "He's
sitting on my side!" "She's touching me!" and "Are we there yet?
For pee we must, and mightily!"
And after having suffered these trials and tribulations, I
arrive at my company's parking lot; but there are those who
parketh crookedly, and do taketh up two spaces with one car, for
fear others will smite their doors. And there are those vehicles
of an unnaturally large aspect that are puffed up and bear a
multitude of bumper stickers.
These cars are an abomination and pestilence in my eyes, for
they causeth me to park far from all mankind, out in the blasted
wilderness. I must walk many leagues, with my briefcase heavy
upon me, and the lessons of this day burned into my soul.
When at last I reach my office, I fall upon my brother's neck
and weep with joy. For I know that at the end of the day, I
shall not wander about as a sheep who has not a shepherd. My car
will not be lost in the wilderness and hidden unto me, because
by the time I am freed from my great travails, evening rush hour
will be long over, and mine will be the only car left in the
parking lot.
Amen.
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| Posted by Star Shine on 14-Aug-2005 | Genesis 1 - for CreationistsIn the beginning God created Dates. And the date was Monday,
July 4, 4004 B.C. And God said, let there be light; and there
was light. And when there was Light, God saw the Date, that it
was Monday, and he got down to work; for verily, he had a Big
Job to do.
And God made pottery shards and Silurian mollusks and
pre-Cambrian limestone strata; and flints and Jurassic Mastodon
tusks and Picanthopus erectus skulls and Cretaceous placentals
made he; and those cave paintings at Lasceaux. And that was
that, for the first Work Day.
And God saw that he had made many wondrous things, but that he
had not wherein to put it all. And God said, Let the heavens be
divided from earth; and let us bury all of these Things which we
have made in the earth; but not too deep. And God buried all the
Things which he had made, and that was that. And the morning and
the evening and the overtime were Tuesday.
And God said, Let there be water; and let the dry land appear;
and that was that. And God called the dry land Real Estate; and
the water called he the Sea. And in the land and beneath it put
he crude oil, grades one through six; and natural gas put he
thereunder, and prehistoric carboniferous forests yielding
anthracite and other ligneous matter; and all these called he
Resources; and he made them Abundant. And likewise all that was
in the sea, even unto two hundred miles from the dry land,
called he resources; all that was therein, like manganese
nodules, for instance. And the morning unto the evening had been
a long day; which he called Wednesday.
And God said, Let the earth bring forth abundantly every moving
creature I can think of, with or without backbones, with or
without wings or feet, or fins or claws, vestigial limbs and
all, right now; and let each one be of a separate species. For
lo, I can make whatsoever I like, whensoever I like. And the
earth brought forth abundantly all creatures, great and small,
with and without backbones, with and without wings and feet and
fins and claws, vestigial limbs and all, from bugs to
brontosauruses. But God blessed them all, saying, Be fruitful
and multiply and Evolve Not.
And God looked upon the species he hath made, and saw that the
earth was exceedingly crowded, and he said unto them, Let each
species compete for what it needed; for Healthy Competition is
My Law. And the species competeth amongst themselves, the cattle
and the creeping things; and some madeth it and some didn't; and
the dogs ate the dinosaurs and God was pleased. And God took the
bones from the dinosaurs, and caused them to appear mighty old;
and cast he them about the land and the sea. And he took every
tiny creature that had not madeth it, and caused them to become
fossils; and cast he them about likewise. And just to put
matters beyond the valley of the shadow of a doubt God created
carbon dating. And this is the origin of species. And in the
Evening of the day which was Thursday, God saw that he had put
in another good day's work.
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness,
which is tall and well-formed and pale of hue: and let us also
make monkeys, which resembleth us not in any wise, but are short
and ill-formed and hairy. And God added, Let man have dominion
over the monkeys and the fowl of the air and every species,
endangered or otherwise. So God created Man in His own image;
tall and well-formed and pale of hue created He him, and nothing
at all like the monkey.
And God said, Behold I have given you every herb bearing seed,
which is upon the face of the earth. But ye shalt not smoketh
it, lest it giveth you ideas. And to every beast of the earth
and every fowl of the air I have given also every green herb,
and to them it shall be for meat. But they shall be for you. And
the Lord God your Host suggesteth that the flesh of cattle goeth
well with that of the fin and the claw; thus shall Surf be
wedded unto Turf.
And God saw everything he had made, and he saw that it was very
good; and God said, It just goes to show Me what the private
sector can accomplish. With a lot of fool regulations this could
have taken billions of years. And the evening of the fifth day,
which had been the roughest yet, God said, Thank Me, it's
Friday. And God made the weekend.
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| Posted by Alex A. Tarlescu on 14-Aug-2005 | The Belgium and his friend Thre good friend are in a bar .A Belgium ,Marrocan and a
Turkich.
And they waer drinking Bier fore a long time.Theyn the Marrocan
ses :
Let's have a competion of drinking the most bier and the one
that stops forst mast pay.The adders sey O.K
They stardet to drink fore a hour .The Marrocan drinkt 20 biers
the Belium 15 .the Belgium stops and gos to the toilet .
The Maroccan drinks 25 alraydy and the Turkich 25 .
The Marrocan stops at yhe 30 bier and gos to the toilet.
The Belgium and Marrocan watch the Turkich drinking his 40 bier.
And they ask wy are you never going to the toilet .
The Turkich ses :Ho! Yes i always go bat today i have a dyper on.
hahaha!!
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| Posted by Joseph E. Pennisi on 14-Aug-2005 | busy dumbassHow do you keep a dumbass busy for hours?
( go to bottom of page)
How do you keep a dumbass busy for hours?
( go to top of page)
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