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| Posted by jesse d. stojan on 11-Aug-2005 | Army WisdomA Purple Heart proves three things: you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
10 second fuses only last 7 seconds.
Anything you do can get you shot, even doing nothing.
Claymores are labeled "This side toward enemy" for a reason.
Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever, ever volunteer to do anything.
Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.
If it's stupid but works, it really isn't stupid.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
If the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is *not* our friend.
If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
It is generally unadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
The easy way is always mined.
The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
a. When you're not ready for them.
b. When you're ready for them.
Either time is inconvenient and generally a bummer.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
When in doubt empty the magazine.
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| Posted by Kaveh C. Mohebbi on 11-Aug-2005 | Dear John ReplyThe soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
A creative fellow, he went out and collected from his buddies all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following:
"Dear Mary,
I can not remember which one is you ... please keep YOUR photo and return the others!"
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| Posted by donald a. scott on 11-Aug-2005 | Role ReversalA visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives!
She approached one of the women for an explanation: "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.
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| Posted by emmi e. SHORTYMODLE on 11-Aug-2005 | Not me Sarge!A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
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| Posted by leah on 11-Aug-2005 | The last laugh!Several years ago, after having Japanese executives from the automotive industry tour a Ford Plant, they held a press conference in which one of the Japanese execs claimed that the American workers were slow and lazy.
Not long after, a friend sent me a picture of a bumper sticker on a truck at the Ford plant.
It read - "We may be slow and lazy, but we build a damn good bomb!"
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| Posted by Bryan J. Thibodeau on 11-Aug-2005 | On the high seas!A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after an evening of partying ashore.
As they climbed the gangway, the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above, him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!"
The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.
"Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he'd also took a dump in your pants."
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| Posted by B B on 11-Aug-2005 | Army vs. Marines!Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston.
One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.
Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines.
The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," said the Soldier, "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier's shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier's other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston.
As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" the Soldier asked.
"This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"
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| Posted by Johan B. Kool on 11-Aug-2005 | Aussie Trouser Snake.An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.
The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said. " In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak".
The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, " In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands ...! "
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| Posted by Charisma K. Carsinoger on 11-Aug-2005 | Bubba and Junior!Two good ol' boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Bubba says, "Hey, Junior - there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have us a drank."
"But we's privates," protests Junior.
"NO, we's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside
"Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drank."
"But, we's privates," says Junior.
"You blind, boy!" says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's Sergeants now!"
So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good -- but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it's good, give me the okay sign."
Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
"Junior," he says, "What you give me the okay for?!"
"Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates."
Then he pointed to his stripes and says, "But we's Sergeants now!
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| Posted by shelly Neely on 11-Aug-2005 | Military TalkOne reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.
For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.
Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.
Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.
The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
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