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| Posted by pink_sparkle on 14-Aug-2005 | The second hand shopWhy did the hand cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the second hand shop
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| Posted by Dete on 14-Aug-2005 | Jelly BabyA Jelly Baby goes to see his doctor
"Doctor, doctor i think i have aids!"
The Doctor says:
"You can't have aids, you're a jelly baby."
To which he replies
"Yeah I know but I've been shaggin Allsorts"
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| Posted by bubba joe on 10-Aug-2005 | Sneezy"Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm!"
"Are you doing anything for it?"
"Snorting pepper."
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| Posted by jeanine k. kivimaki on 10-Aug-2005 | The Deacon and the PreacherThere once was this deacon and this preacher, and they had been real good
friends for a long time. Well one day the deacon got sick and was put in the
hospital, so the preacher decided to go and see his old friend. When he walked
into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and stuff they had
going into the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and
asked, ''How ya doing?'' The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand.
''You want that?'' the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes.
So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write.
All of a sudden the deacon died. At his funeral, the preacher was asked to
deliver the service. ''He was a good man and I'll never forget him,'' the
preacher said, ''I was with him when he died and as a matter of fact I have his
last thought in my coat pocket here.'' The preacher reaches into his pocket and
pulls out the paper. ''Please, get up! You're kneeling on my oxygen hose!''
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| Posted by Hallie S. Comet on 14-Aug-2005 | 6 Pack of Ping Pong BallsJohnny was about to turn 14 and his father didn't know what to
buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny "What do you want for
your birthday, Son?"
Johnny replied "Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls."
Johnny's father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny a skateboard instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said "Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 15 and his father didn't know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny "What do you
want for your birthday, Son?"
Johnny replied "Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls."
Johnny's father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny a bike instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said "Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 16 and his father didn't know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny "What do you
want for your birthday, Son?"
Johnny replied "Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls."
Johnny's father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny a pair of rollerblades instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said "Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 17 and his father didn't know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny "What do you
want for your birthday, Son?"
Johnny replied "Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls."
Johnny's father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny a laptop instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said "Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 18 and his father didn't know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny "What do you
want for your birthday, Son?"
Johnny replied "Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls."
Johnny's father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny a 9 pack of ping pong balls instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said "Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 19 and his father didn't know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny "What do you
want for your birthday, Son?"
Johnny replied "Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls."
Johnny's father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny an atlas instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said "Well Dad, this is
really great (actually, it really, really sucks), but I would
really have liked a 6 pack of ping pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 20 and his father didn't know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny "What do you
want for your birthday, Son?"
Johnny replied "Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls."
Johnny's father thought Johnny was getting a little bit old for
a 6 pack of ping pong balls, so he didn't bother searching.
Instead, he bought Johnny a car.
When Johnny opened his present, he said "Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Johnny was driving his car one day when he had a terrible car
accident. In hospital, he said to his father "Dad, I do not have
much longer to live, so you can ask me one question."
Johnny's father thought for a moment and then said "Why did you
want a six pack of ping pong balls?"
Johnny replied "Well Dad, I wanted the 6 pack of ping pong balls
because .............. "
Then he died.
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| Posted by Kandi Shingler on 14-Aug-2005 | Viagra StorySo what's the differnce between an Italian and a Jewish wife?
The Italian wife tells her husband to buy Viagra.
The Jewish wife tells her husband to buy Pfizer.
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| Posted by kelbell on 14-Aug-2005 | 4 wrong ways to eat a Reeses1 Cram it in your ear
2 Put it in your butt
3 Stuff it in your neighbor's nose
4 leave the wrapper on
... Remember.. there IS wrong ways to eat a reeses!!!
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| Posted by pointless on 14-Aug-2005 | BranA man takes his regular trip to the doctors. To his horror, his
doctor tells him he has acquired AIDS. The patient asks what he
should do, if he can be cured. The doctor simply tells him to
eat bran foods, prune juice, anything to get the poo flowing. So
the man does exactly as the doctor tells him.
A month later, the same man comes back to the clinic. With
confidence he may be cured, he asks the doctor. The doctor
laughs and says, "No, I just wanted you to know what your ass
was for!"
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| Posted by ??? on 14-Aug-2005 | Iron Will Do The JobThere was once an elderly woman, who was once a blonde, before
her hair changed to gray. She had several wrinkles on her face,
and really, really wanted to look younger.She went to a doctor
to see about getting a face lift, but that was too expensive.
Later that day, while walking through a department store, she
got a brilliant idea.
she bought an iron and went home. A little while after that, an
ambulance drove up to the ER. The paramedics were laughing
histerically as they pulled the old woman out of the ambulance.
The doctors asked her why she had burns that appeared to be from
an iron on her face. She told the doctors That she was sick of
looking like a raisin, so she bought an iron to get the wrinkles
out of her skin because it did such a good job on her clothes!
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| Posted by rkzad on 14-Aug-2005 | A DiseaseA young man went to a party and met a very attractive young
blonde. She seemed very agreeable and after a few drinks she
invited him to her apartment around the corner. Soon they were
naked, and she told him that she had been to the doctor that day
and diagnosed to have a disease. But she couldn't remember what.
"Do you have any idea", asked the man. "It started with an 'a'.
It was either AIDS or arthritis. I can't remember which", said
the women.
Quickly the man called a doctor friend of his. But the friend
couldn't do the diagnosis over the phone. "But I have an idea",
said the doctor. "Chase her around the room a little, and if her
joints swell then make love to her."
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