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| Posted by Sarah P. Hazlett on 14-Aug-2005 | A trip to the DoctorOne day my friend told me that his uvula(the little flap of skin
hanging down in front of your throat) was hurting, and he needed
to go see a doctor. Now, he was trying to impress her, and so he
asked me for the scientific name for it. I told him, and off he
went. He came back over to my house a few hours later, with a
face redder than a fire truck. Apparently, when the doctor asked
him what was wrong, he replied that his vulva was sore.
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| Posted by Stephanie Lewis on 14-Aug-2005 | Proctologist vs. bartenderQ: What's the differecne between a proctologist and a bartender?
A: A proctologist looks at the assholes one at a time
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| Posted by bugzaboo on 14-Aug-2005 | Oral vs. Rectal ThermometersWhat is the differance between an oral thermometer and a rectal
thermometer?
The taste.
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| Posted by ~*Angel*~ on 14-Aug-2005 | The Skin CollectorFor two years, a surgeon saved all the skins from the
circumsizions that he preformed thoughout the years. Well, one
day he decided to make use of them and left his office to take
them to a leather worker.
"Sir, i have these skins here and i would like for you to
fashion me something from them...I have nothing in mind, and you
are the expert so i will let you use your own judgement" Said
the surgeon.
"No problem", replied the leather worker, "just return in about
2 weeks i will have you something made from them."
Two weeks passed and the surgeon returned to the shop and said
that he has returned to pick up the product that he wanted made.
The leather worker held up a small coin purse and said her you
go sir.
The surgeon replied, "with all of those skins i gave you all you
could make was a small coin purse?
"Of course not," exclaimed the leather man, "go ahead and rub
it...it turns into a suitcase."
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| Posted by "Leppy" on 14-Aug-2005 | Lick Your Envelope!This is a true story reported on CNN.
If you lick your envelopes...You won't anymore!!!! A woman was
working in a post office in California. One day she licked the
envelopes and postage stamps instead of using a sponge. That
very day the lady cut her tongue on the envelope. A week later,
she noticed an abnormal swelling of her tongue. She went to the
doctor, and they found nothing wrong. Her tongue was not sore or
anything.
A couple of days later, her tongue started to swell more, and it
began to get really sore, so sore, that she could not eat. She
went back to the hospital, and demanded something be done. The
doctor took an x-ray of her tongue, and noticed a lump. He
prepared her for minor surgery. When the doctor cut her tongue
open, a live roach crawled out. There were roach eggs on the
seal of the envelope. The egg was able to hatch inside of her
tongue, because of her saliva. It was warm and moist...
**********
Andy wrote:
Hey, I used to work in an envelope factory. You wouldn't believe
the things that float around in those gum applicator trays. I
haven't licked an envelope for years. To All: I used to work for
a print shop (32 years ago) and we were told NEVER to lick the
envelopes. I never understood why until I had to go into storage
and pull out 2500 envelops that were already printed for a
customer who was doing a mailing and saw several squads of
roaches roaming around inside a couple of boxes with eggs
everywhere. They eat the glue on the envelopes. I think print
shops have a harder time controlling roaches than a restaurant.
I always buy the self sealing type. Or if need be I use a glue
stick to seal one that has the type of glue that needs to be wet
to stick.
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| Posted by Dylan W. Maloney on 14-Aug-2005 | TapewormA guy goes into a doctor office and says, "I think I have a
tapeworm, doctor. I keep eating and eating but I don't gain any
weight!" The doctor says, "Come see me tomorrow, and bring a
banana, and a cookie."
So the man buys a banana and a cookie on the way home, and goes
to the doctor the next day. The doctor says to him, "Okay, give
me the banana and the cookie, and pull down your pants." "Are
you sure?" "Positive." Grudgingly, he pulls down his pants. The
doctor shoves the banana right up his ass. He waits a few
minutes, and up goes the cookie.
The doctor says, "Okay, now tomorrow, I want you to do the same
thing." So he does. And this goes on for about a week.
On the second to last day, after treatment, the doctor says,
"For tomorrow, I want you to bring a banana and a hammer."
Fearing the worst, but wanting to get rid of the tapeworm, the
man does so.
The next day, up goes the banana. The doctor waits a few
minutes, and then out pops a sign that says, "Hey! where's my
cookie?!" And well, I think you can figure out what the doctor
did with the hammer.
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| Posted by bourban on 14-Aug-2005 | PicturesThis guy goes to a psychologist. The psychologist shows him an
inkblot and says, "What does this remind you of?" The guy says,
"A naked woman."
Then he shows him another inkblot and asks him the same question
and the guy says, "A naked woman on a bed."
Then the psychologist tells to him, "You sick pervert!" The guy
replies, "I'm not a pervert, you are the one who is showing me
all these naughty pictures."
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| Posted by Wesley Allen on 14-Aug-2005 | Automatic Tampon RemoverA man was on an aeroplane and needed to use the toilet but the
mens was broken so he went into the ladies.
He was amazed how different it was to the mens toilets, there
were loads of buttons, so he decided to try them out.
The first one washed his bum and the second one dried it. The
third one pampered his bum.
Then he saw one marked ATR, as soon as he pressed it he blacked
out.
3 hours later he woke up in hospital and in extreme pain. He
noticed the air hostess from the flight. "The button you
pressed," she said with a smirk on her face "was an Automatic
Tampon Remover. Your dick is under your pillow."
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| Posted by T L. P on 14-Aug-2005 | Cancer & Alzheimer'sThe doctor tells the patient, "I have bad news for you. You have
cancer and you have alzheimer's."
Patient, with a sigh of relief, "Well, at least I don't have
cancer."
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| Posted by Brian Worrin on 14-Aug-2005 | Enlargement PillsA Mexican and a cowboy both entered a pharmacy one day and asked
the pharmacist if he had anything to make their dicks grow
bigger. The pharmacist said, "Yes, I have these pills. How many
would you like?"
The Mexican replied, "I will only take two because I don't want
it to be too big to carry!"
The Cowboy then said, "Give me four-I want it big-REALLY BIG!"
So the pharmacist gave them the pills and asked them to return
in two weeks time to show him the results of the enlargement.
Two weeks later the Mexican arrived back in the shop and said,
"My rope is so long you have too walk really straight or it
falls out!"
A few seconds later the Cowboy entered with his huge cock in one
hand swinging it about and yelling, "Yee Haw!"
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