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| Posted by Nikki L. Heller on 09-Aug-2005 | Statistical one-linerQ: How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another?
A: Check the p-value.
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| Posted by STATIC X on 08-Aug-2005 | Those darn variablesA math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting.
His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on."
Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying.
After the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?"
"Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1..."
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| Posted by daguydude dada on 08-Aug-2005 | Mathematical baby formulaAdd a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply.
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| Posted by coolkaty on 09-Aug-2005 | The fate of marriagesIt is often cited that there are half as many divorces as marriages in the US, so one concludes that average marriages have a 50% chance of ending by divorce. While I was a graduate student, among my peers there were twice as many divorces as marriages, leading us to conclude that average marriages would end twice...
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| Posted by Shadow Rat on 08-Aug-2005 | Numeric fashionQ: What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt!
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| Posted by +--JoKeR--+ on 09-Aug-2005 | Math one-linerIf parallel lines meet at infinity - infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together!
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| Posted by Princess Leia on 08-Aug-2005 | Adding insultQ: How does one insult a mathematician?
A: You say: "Your brain is smaller than any ε>0!"
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| Posted by Canice J. Leung on 08-Aug-2005 | PROOF THAT ALL ODD NUMBERS ARE PRIME:
Mathmatician -- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, the rest follows by induction.
Statistician -- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is expermental error so throw it out, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, the rest follows by induction.
Computer Scientist -- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, ....
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| Posted by Matt D. Malkmus on 08-Aug-2005 | Statistical assumptionsThere were a physicist, a circus strong man, and a statistician marooned on a desert island. A box of canned food washes ashore, and the question is how to open the cans. The physicist suggests dropping them from the trees so that they break open. The strong man says that's too messy. Instead, he will rip the cans open with his bare hands. The statistician says that's still too messy, but he knows how to open the cans without making a mess. "First," he says "assume we have a can opener."
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| Posted by Countess E. Bathori on 09-Aug-2005 | Statistical one-liner80% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot.
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