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| Posted by Kenna M. Buice on 09-Aug-2005 | One plus one are twoTheorem: 1 + 1 = 2
Proof:
n(2n - 2) = n(2n - 2)
n(2n - 2) - n(2n - 2) = 0
(n - n)(2n - 2) = 0
2n(n - n) - 2(n - n) = 0
2n - 2 = 0
2n = 2
n + n = 2
or setting n = 1
1 + 1 = 2
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| Posted by Angel Pig on 09-Aug-2005 | Statistical one-linerQ: Why don't statisticians like to model new clothes?
A: Lack of fit.
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| Posted by Amanda Bennett on 09-Aug-2005 | Math is turning bad"Psst, c'mere," said the shifty-eyed man wearing a long black trenchcoat, as he beckoned me off the rainy street into a damp dark alley. I followed.
"What are you selling?" I asked.
"Geometrical algebra drugs."
"Huh!?"
"Geometry drugs. Ya got your uppers, your downers, your sidewaysers, your inside-outers..."
"Stop right there," I interrupted. "I've never heard of inside-outers."
"Oh, man, you'll love 'em. Makes you feel like M.C. ever-lovin' Escher on a particularly weird day."
"Go on..."
"OK, your inside-outers, your arbitrary bilinear mappers, and here, heh, here are the best ones," he said, pulling out a large clear bottle of orange pills.
"What are those, then?" I asked.
"Givens transformers. They'll rotate you about more planes than you even knew existed."
"Sounds gross. What about those bilinear mappers?"
"There's a whole variety of them. Here's one you'll love -- they call it 'One Over Z' on the street. Take one of these little bad boys and you'll be on speaking terms with the Point at Infinity."
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| Posted by Wonder-Woman N. Super Man on 09-Aug-2005 | Reducing travel riskThere was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it , then slow down again once he'd got over it. One day, he took a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast over junctions. The statistics student replied, "Well, statistically speaking, you are far more likely to have an accident at a junction, so I just make sure that I spend less time there."
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| Posted by Nick K on 09-Aug-2005 | Answering machineHello, this is probably 438-9012, yes, the house of the famous statistician. I'm probably not at home, or not wanting to answer the phone, most probably the latter, according to my latest calculations. Supposing that the universe doesn't end in the next 30 seconds, the odds of which I'm still trying to calculate, you can leave your name, phone number, and message, and I'll probably phone you back. So far the probability of that is about 0.645. Have a nice day.
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| Posted by whitney on 09-Aug-2005 | Statistical one-linerUnderwater ship builders are concerned with sub-optimization.
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| Posted by Ashy Ashy on 09-Aug-2005 | Statistical one-linerA new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.
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| Posted by Jennifer Tanko on 09-Aug-2005 | Math one-linerStudent: Yes sir, but what happens if the number of sheep is not x?
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| Posted by Courtney L. van Emmerik on 09-Aug-2005 | Purchasing the shoesA shoeseller meets a mathematician and complains that he does not know what size shoes to buy. "No problem," says the mathematician, "there is a simple equation for that," and he shows him the Gaussian normal distribution. The shoeseller stares some time at het equation and asks, "What is that symbol?" "That is the Greek letter pi." "What is pi?" "That is the ratio between the circumference and the diameter of a circle." Upon this the shoeseller cries out: "What does a circle have to do with shoes?!"
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| Posted by DancingGal on 09-Aug-2005 | Statistical one-linerThere is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates.
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