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| Posted by Hector R. Cruz on 14-Aug-2005 | How Many Lawyer Jokes?How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only 3. All the rest are true stories!
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| Posted by emily n on 14-Aug-2005 | All Buckled InAn airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed
the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get
prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if
everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer
who is still going around passing out business cards."
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| Posted by The Almighty Gino on 14-Aug-2005 | Dead LawyersThe gate between heaven and hell collapsed. Saint Peter and
Satan argued who was responsible. Saint Peter said he would hire
a lawyer to defend the interests of heaven. Satan says "Where
are you going to get a lawyer? I've got them all!"
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| Posted by mike harcus on 14-Aug-2005 | Charity contributionAn attorney was asked to make a contribution to a worthwhile
charity. His response was, "I guess you hadn't heard, my mother
is suffering from a terminal illness and she has medical bills
which far exceed her income. My brother is a disabled combat
veteran. He is not only blind, but is in a wheelchair and he has
to take ten different medicines a day. My sister is an only
parent of three children since her husband died without life
insurance. She has no college and scrubs floors for a living
while moonlighting by taking in ironing. My wife is in a mental
ward, and may never get out. My only child is in a drug
rehabilitation program, but he left and no one can find him."
Before he could get his breath and continue on, the fund raiser
thought it wisest to end this and let the poor man alone. "You
are correct, sir. I had no idea of your problems. Of course we
can't expect you to make a contribution with so many demands
already on your income."
The attorney nods and replies, "Exactly. Why should I contribute
to your organization when I don't even give to my own family?"
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| Posted by Ally1 on 14-Aug-2005 | Lawyer and a Bucket of ShitWhat is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.
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| Posted by Collin d. Cortez on 14-Aug-2005 | 400 lawyersQ: What do you call 400 lawyers at bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
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| Posted by Cheron Smith on 14-Aug-2005 | Anal SexA woman went to her doctor for advice. She said that her husbad had
developed a penchant for anal sex and she was not sure that it was such a
good idea. The doctor asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said her husband was
very gentle and it didn't hurt. The doctor then said, "Well, then, there's
no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex if that's what you like, so
long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She
asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The doctor replied, "Of
course, where do you think lawyers come from?"
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| Posted by Kendr Reneah on 14-Aug-2005 | The Priest's MistakeA preacher and an attorney were talking one day about the
mistakes they made in their respective professions, and how they
deal with them.
The lawyer boasted that because he was a lawyer if he made a
really big mistake he just shuffled a few papers and pulled a
few legal maneuvers and covered it all up. If it was a small
mistake he just ignored it and went on with life. The attorney
turned to the preacher and asked, "How do you do it, pastor?"
The pastor said, "If it is a really large mistake I just turn to
the Lord and ask forgiveness." The attorney interrupted him and
asked, "But what about small mistakes, how do you handle them?"
The preacher replied, "Well, just last Sunday in my sermon I was
quoting Jesus from the gospel of John chapter 8 where he said,
"You are your father the devil, he was a liar from the
beginning." Instead I said, "You are of your father the devil,
he was lawyer from the beginning." Upon hearing this the lawyer
became indignant and retorted, "Well how did you handle it?" The
preacher replied, "It was such a small mistake that I just
ignored it and went on."
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| Posted by William C. Herbert on 14-Aug-2005 | Billing hoursAfter the 30 year old lawyer died he screamed at St. Peter, "How
could you do this to me? A heart attack at my age! I'm only 30!"
St. Peter replied, "Well, when we looked at your total billing
hours, we figured that you were at least 95!"
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| Posted by Julie Evangelou on 14-Aug-2005 | Laywer JokeA lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly,
he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck.
The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're
doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice
while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't
see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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