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| Posted by Fi Phe on 14-Aug-2005 | Court
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence
for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness
on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the
witness.
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| Posted by Ashley Brown on 09-Aug-2005 | Jonah's FateA little girl spoke to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.
The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale."
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.
Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then YOU ask him!"
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| Posted by silverseeker on 14-Aug-2005 | Lawyer's ArmOn a Sunny day in Boca Raton, FL a lawyer is getting out of his
BMW. All of a sudden, a raging driver flies by and takes out his
drivers side door while he's standing there.
The Police come and they are so amazed at this guy, he's so pig
headed. They say "I cant beleive your going crazy over your BMW,
are you in pain?". "Why would I be in pain" claims the lawyer.
"Well your left arm is ripped off" says the cop. The Lawyer says
"OH SHIT!, my Rolex!"
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| Posted by ciaran kelly on 14-Aug-2005 | Your Money Is No Good Here!A priest walks into a barber shop, and asks for a hair cut. When the
barber was finished, the priest offered the man some money, but the barber
said, "No, you're a man of God, you serve the Lord, your money is no good
here." The next day, he found a Bible and a gold rosery on the front
steps of the shop.
A day later, a cop walks into a barber shop, and asks for a hair cut.
When the barber was finished, the cop offered the man some money, but the
barber said, "No, you're a man of the law, you protect people, your
money is no good here." The next day, he found a box of donuts on the
front steps of the shop.
A day later, a lawyer walks into a barber shop, and asks for a hair cut.
When the barber was finished, the lawyer offered the man some money, but
the barber said, "No, you're a man of the government, you help people in
trouble, your money is no good here." The next day, he found twelve more
lawyers on the front steps of the shop.
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| Posted by Alisha D. H on 14-Aug-2005 | Anyone Dislike Lawyers?I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning
us began right off as an intimidating showman.
When he came to his question, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?"
Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."
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| Posted by +--JoKeR--+ on 14-Aug-2005 | Polution/SolutionPolution- a lawyer in the sea.
Solution- all of the lawyers under the sea.
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| Posted by Lynox Norman on 09-Aug-2005 | Bad Car DayA police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition. ''What are you going to do with the prize money?'' the officer asked. The man responded, ''I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license.'' At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, ''Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk.'' This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, ''I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car.'' At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked ''Are we over the border yet?''
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| Posted by Tanner Chacon on 10-Aug-2005 | HOW LONG HAVE I GOT LEFT?A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it
to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that
his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer."
When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side
of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and
closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician
asked what he had in mind.
The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd
check out the same way."
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| Posted by Yellow Jacket on 10-Aug-2005 | CommonQ. What do a lawyer and a prostitute have in common?
A. They both screw people out of money.
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| Posted by Jack O. Farrelly on 14-Aug-2005 | The Ethical QuestionUpon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney
charged her $100. She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck
to another $100 bill. On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical
question came to the attorney's mind, "Do I tell my partner?"
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