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| Posted by yo mama jokes on 11-Aug-2005 | The Three ChoicesThere once was a man who wanted to go fishing so he asked his wife if she wanted to go fishing or not and she said NO. So the man said you can either go fishing, take it annal, or give him a blow job. He told her to think about it while he put the dog in the truck. When he came back she said she would give him a blow job. So she did five minutes later she stops and said this tastes like shit. And he said the dog didnt want to go fishing either.
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| Posted by Wendy J. Essinger on 11-Aug-2005 | 3 Guys On an IslandThere were 3 guys on this island. They find a magic lamp and rub it. The Genie Comes out and says I'll grant you each one wish, so the first guy says I want to go home to my wife and my kids. So he goes back home. The second guy says well I also would like to go home to my wife and kids. So he goes back home. The third guy says well I'm not really sure. 20 minutes later he comes back and says I know what I want! I want my 2 friends back!
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| Posted by Snow Man on 11-Aug-2005 | Believe In Genies?A married couple were golfing in thier front yard. The guy hits two balls and one of them lands in the window across the street. The girl did not notice. She went up to the T and she hit the same window in the same house. The girl felt guilty and said to the husband to get say sorry. They went to the house and knocked on the door, but no one answered, the door just flew open. They made their way up stairs to where their balls had it. When they opened the door a genie-like man was standing there. He said " When your golf ball hit you hit my lamp and set me free. for this I give you 3 wishes" The man said "I want a mansion" the genie replied "Your mansion is built in your old house" The girl sais " I want to be richest person alive" The gnie replied " all of the money you want is in your mansion" For the third wish they wished to be famous. The genie replied " you are now famous". The couple was all happy now. They were walking out the genie asked them if he can have something in return for giving them all the nice stuff. The Man said "like what". " can I sleep with you life for one night". The man said yes with no regrets. The guy sat outside for an hour waiting for his wife. When they were finished the Genie said "And you still believe in Genies"?
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| Posted by Xandi on 11-Aug-2005 | Better Off LastA secretary, a paralegal, and a partner in a big law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, "I want those two back in the office right after lunch."
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| Posted by alison l. connolly on 11-Aug-2005 | Three WishesA guy finds a magic lamp and a genie comes out.
He says I'll give you three wishes but, your mother in law gets double of everything you get.
So first he wishes for 1 million dollars so his mother in law gets 2 million dollars. Then he wishes for 1,000 acers of beautiful land so his mother in law gets 2,000 acers of land. For my last wish I want you to beat me half to death. You know what happens.
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| Posted by Chrissy Demetrion on 11-Aug-2005 | Gone FishingAn old man takes his grandson fishing on afternoon. After 15 minutes of fishing,ol grandpa takes out his flask of wiskey and starts drinking. His grandson ask's,"Can I have some Grandpa?
"Can your dick touch your ass?" he replies.
"No"
"Then you're not old enought,sit down"
Another 15 minutes pass and grandpa takes out his Camel and starts to puff away. His grandson ask's "Can I have some of that gramps?"
"Can your dick touch your ass?"
"No"
"Then you're not old enought,sit down."
Feeling bad the little boy sits down and starts to eat some chocolate chip cookies that he brought along.Grandpa sees these cookies and ask's,"Can I have a cookie?"
"Can your dick touch your ass?"
"Yeah"
"Then go fuck yourself cause grandma made these for me."
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| Posted by Suki on 11-Aug-2005 | Mad GenieA man walking down the beach sees an old bottle in the sand and begins to play kick-the-bottle to amuse himself. After a while he picks it up, and a pissed-off genie emerges. She says, "normally I grant 3 wishes, but in your case, you son-of-a-@#*%, I am going to grant only 1."
The man thinks a minute and says, "Okay, I want to wake up with 3 women in my bed." She says, "So be it!", and disappears back into the bottle.
Next morning, the guy wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hilary Clinton. He has no penis, a broken leg, and no health insurance.
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| Posted by The Gekko on 11-Aug-2005 | The Island fruitThree guys were stranded on an Island. one was named justin, one timmy, and one eric. the men came across a genie's lamp and wished to go off the island. the genie agreed but said you must bring me one piece of fruit by this time tomarrow. they agreeded and came back with fruit. the first man brought a bananna and the genie said if i can shove this up your ass without you making any noise, you can leave. so the genie started and the man laughed half way up. the genie said "why did you laugh?" the man said it tickled. the second guy, timmy, brought back grapes. the genie started and with one grape left timmy busted up laughing and the genie said "why did you laugh?" and timmy said " beecuase i just saw eric coming around the corner with a watermelon.
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| Posted by S Patel on 11-Aug-2005 | The genieA man goes into a bar, sits down, and looks at the drunk guy next to him. he asks the drunk if he wants to see something amazing; the drunk says yeah, so he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny grand piano and a little man who proceeds to play beethoven, bach, etc... the drunk is severely impressed and asks the guy where he got the little man; he tells him that he found a genie one day in africa and was granted 3 wishes for setting it free from it's bottle. the drunk asked him what else he wished for and received the answer" nothing; it's a fucked-up genie". the drunk asked if he could borrow the genie for a few minutes...the man said no...it's a fucked-up genie! the drunk pulled out his wallet and offered the man a thousand dollars to let him borrow the genie for five minutes and the man reluctantly agreed with the admonition that it was a fucked-up genie. the drunk walked outside the bar with the genie's bottle and there came a huge blast of light...the drunk came back in followed by a large flock of baby ducks, looked at the man and said " you're right; that is a fucked-up genie...i wished for a million bucks and got a million ducks"!! the man looked at the drunk and said " i told you it was a fucked-up genie; do you REALLY think i wished for an eight-inch pianist?"
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| Posted by Misty Jenkins on 11-Aug-2005 | The genieThere was this guy he walked into a bar. He told the bartender he wanted a beer. Well he noticed that the bartender had quite a body on him. He says to him"Im not trying to sound gay but you have a muscalar body but such a little head why is that?"
The bartender had been asked this question before he says to me "one day" he begins. I was walking through the woods and I got lost and then from beyond a tree I heard a voice and it was saying" help me" I looked around and couldnt find anyone then I heard it again "help me" well I looked down a seen a frog The frog asked me to kiss her and she said"I will turn into a beutiful genie" I looked around and seen nobody was around so I kissed her and there she stand naked and beutiful she told me that I had three wishes She asked me what my first one would be. I said I want to have a body like arnald swarnegger so she muttered a spell and poof I stand there body build and everything I took my clothes off and she says to me your second wish I said I want to make love to you by the lake here and she said poof your wish is granted they lay there for hours making love and then after we are done she said to me you know you still have one more wish. I said "How about a little head"
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