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| Posted by Sarah A. Pedersen on 11-Aug-2005 | Pile of WishesAn Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are on top of a mountain when a genie appears infront of them. "You may all have one wish." says the genie. "But, whatever you wish for you will land in once you jump off the cliff."
The Englishman jumps off the cliff and shouts "GOLD!"
The Scotsman jumps off the cliff and shouts "WHISKEY!"
The Irishman goes to jump of the cliff, trips over a rock and says "Oh Shit!"
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| Posted by Bob D. Smith on 11-Aug-2005 | One WishTwo guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork up his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork up your ass?"
The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a Genie came oozing out. He said, "I am a Genie, I can grant you one wish. And I said, "No Shit!"
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| Posted by kyle loucas on 11-Aug-2005 | Josh Thinks It OverOne day, Josh went over to Ben's to have a look at the small yacht he was selling. Ben had it on dry land because it had a small gash in its keel. But other then that, what a fine yacht it was....a mahogany deck, the latest in navigational gears, including a state of the art fish-finder. Ben wanted just $5,000 for it and assured Josh he would even have the keel repaired himself.
Well, Josh needed time to think it over so off he went fishing. He took his small aluminum boat out into the bay and it wasn't 5 minutes later, when he got his first bite. He pulled his line in and found he had caught a nice-sized cod. As he was taking the hook out, the fish spoke to him:
Fish: "Please release me, let me go. I am the last of my species and if you put me back in the water, I will grant you a wish."
Josh thought for a second and then said, "I wish this here small boat of mine, was a small yacht just like Ben's."
The following day, Josh was found clinging to a buoy after the small yacht he was fishing in, sank from damage to its keel.
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| Posted by BaByGuRLovesBaByTiGeR on 11-Aug-2005 | Genie JokeA husband and a wife were out enjoying a round of golf about to tee off on the third hole which was lined with beautiful homes.
The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to their surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.
They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife said, "Do you live here?"
"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful," he answered.
The wife said, "Are you a genie?"
"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes...one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.
The genie nodded and said, "Done!"
The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife." I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."
The husband and wife agreed.
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?" to which she responded, "Three years." The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?" to which she responded, "31 years old." The genie then asked, "How long has he believed in this genie stuff?"
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| Posted by Leila K. Barker on 11-Aug-2005 | Dennis RodmanDennis Rodman finds a bottle on the beach and picks it up ...suddenly a female genie appears from the bottle.
"Master, I may grant you one wish." says the genie with a smile.
"Hey, Bitch... don't you know who I am ... I don't need no woman give me nuttin!" barks Rodman.
The genie pleads..."But Master I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever."
Dennis thinks a moment ... then grumbling about the inconvenience of it all... he says "Ok, ok ... I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning. So just do it!" (giving the genie an evil glare) "Now leave me alone!" he screams.
So the annoyed genie says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle.
Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis is gone, his leg is broken, and he has no health insurance.
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| Posted by robyn on 11-Aug-2005 | What fish?This man was on his way back from the dock carrying two buckets of live fish when a game warden stoped him. He said,"ok sir, I know you went over your limit, but not only that, it's not even season. So the man began to explain, "no officer, these are my pet fish. I keep them in a tank at my house and about twice a week I take to that lake, let them swim around for a while. Then I whistle and they come right back." The game warden did not believe him. So the man offered to show him. Once they got to the dock he dumped the fish in the water and waited a while. Then the warden asked, "Aren't you going to whistle for you fish?" The man turns to him and says "what fish?"
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| Posted by Moosen on 11-Aug-2005 | Lake of beerThere were two guys fishing in a boat. And they haven't caught anything all day. Suddenly the one pulls up a old lamp and wipes it off. Out comes a genie. The genie says " I will give you one wish what will it be?" So the guy says turn the whole lake into beer. Poof the lake is beer. The guy turns to the other and says so what do you think of that, the other guy says "I think your a fucking asshole, now we have to piss in the boat.
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| Posted by Serena Zold on 11-Aug-2005 | Tired Game WardenOne day two men were fishing, when a Game Warden slipped up on themand asked
to see their fishing licences.One of the men took off running in . So
the warden started chasinghim. He ran after the man up and down the
side of the river, thru the swamp,up the side of a mountain, the man swam across the
river with the warden right behind him . Then he swam back across the river with the warden still right behind him.Finaly after about three miles of chasnig the game warden caught up with the man, bleeding and out of breath the warden asked to see his fishing licence. The man reached in his pocket and pulled out his licence and
handed it to the warden.And the warden asked why did you run? The man just looked at the warden and smiled and said the other guy didn`t have his licence.
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| Posted by Jeffrey Jones D. Jones on 11-Aug-2005 | Circumsizing a whaleHow do you circumsize a whale?
you send down four-skin divers.
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| Posted by redhead on 11-Aug-2005 | What's the differenceWhat's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Well, beer nuts are about a dollar fifty and deer nuts are under a buck.
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