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| Posted by Doug Thomas on 13-Aug-2005 | Fruity PunishmentOne day three salesmen went to a farmer. They asked him if he wanted to buy some of their products. He said, "All right. Wait here until I come back with the money...-but don't touch my daughter while I'm gone!"
When he came back, he found them all on top of his daughter. He pointed his shotgun at them and said ,"Go out to my garden, pick 10 things, and come back in here."
The first salesman came in there with 10 cherries. The farmer goes, "Ok, shove them up your butt and you can go." So, not wanting to be shot, the salesman shoved the cherries up his butt and he was free to go
The second salesman came in with 10 oranges. Again, the farmer told him to shove them up his butt. After he had done that, the salesman started laughing. The farmer asked, "what's so funny?"
The salesman replies, "The other guy's out there picking watermelons."
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| Posted by Raoku on 11-Aug-2005 | Airplane RideA farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.
"$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot.
"That's too much," said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."
The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."
"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."
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| Posted by hairymouth on 11-Aug-2005 | Dead FarmerWhen a farmer dies, why is he only buried six inches deep?
So he can still get a hand out.
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| Posted by Andreza M. Chaves on 13-Aug-2005 | Cowboy RemediesThis cowboy walks into the saloon and orders a whiskey. The bartender slides it along the bar and the cowboy downs it in one gulp. Immediately he rushes back out the bar, goes to his horse, lifts its tail, and gives it a huge smacking kiss there.
He then goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey. The bartender slides it along the bar and once again the cowboy downs it in one gulp then rushes out the bar, goes to his horse, lifts its tail, and gives it a huge smacking kiss there.
He goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey. By this time there are a number of other patrons looking at him with a fair bit of interest. The bartender decides he'd better ask what's going on before the cowboy gets too drunk to answer.
"So, Cowboy, why is it that every time you order a whiskey you go out and kiss your horse on the bum?"
The Cowboy (in his best drawl) replies "Chapped lips."
The bartender says with some surprise "Oh, does that cure them?"
The cowboy says "Nope, but it sure stops me lickin' 'em".
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| Posted by Meggi-Poo on 11-Aug-2005 | A Good DealThis guy was visitng the country one day and saw a for sale sign in front of a farm. The guy goes up to the farm and asks the farmer to show him around the farm.
The farmer starts with the house and shows him all the rooms. The guy likes the house and tells him that he always wanted a house like this on his farm.
Then the farmer shows him the barn. The city fellow likes the barn and tells him that he's always wanted a barn like this on his farm. Then the farmer shows him the land and the guy is very pleased with it and was just about to write the farmer a check when he noticed some bees flying around a tree.
The farmer told him they were honey bees and that they were very nice. The man still refused and told him he didn't trust bees and he didn't want any on his farm.
The farmer was very eager to sell his farm so he told the man that he'll tie him naked to a tree and cover him with honey and if one of the bees stings him he could have this farm for half of what he was asking. The buyer agrees and lets the farmer ties him up.
About 6 hours later the farmer remembers about the buyer and went to see him. When he got to him he asked him if any bees stung him and he said, "No but doesn't this cow have a mother?"
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