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| Posted by mac115 on 11-Aug-2005 | Farmer's DaughtersOne day there was this farmer. He had 3 daughters and they each had a date on Saturday night.
The first date comes to the door. the farmer answers the door. The first date says, "Hi my name is Joe, I'm here to take your daughter Flow to eat some dough."
The farmer says sure. Soon the second date comes to the door, "the date says hi, I'm Freddy, I'm here to take your daughter Betty to eat some spaghetti." The farmer goes sure.
Then the last date comes to the door. "he say hi, my name is Chuc-k..."The farmer goes "Get the hell out of my house!!!
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| Posted by Ricky THE MAN on 13-Aug-2005 | The end of the Lone RangerThe Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons, when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of Indians. They start to spur their horse forward, when they realized that there are hundreds of Indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again, see hundreds of Indians rising from the hill. They begin to back away in the direction from which they had come and they realize they were surrounded.
The Indians had spread out and they were trapped. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says, 'Tonto, my friend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together, but now I think we are doomed.'
'We?' replied Tonto. 'What's all this 'we' crap, Paleface?'
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| Posted by Lily Flower on 11-Aug-2005 | ComfortableOle and Lena's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and couldn't leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull.
The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten cents, but she was finally the successful bidder.
Unfortunately, the train home was fifty cents. "Please, Mr. Conductor, couldn't you make an exception just once?" pleaded Lena. "Sorry lady," he replied, "but you can send your husband a telegram to tell him your problem. The office is just down the street."
At the Telegraph office, Lena asked, "Mister, how many vords can I send to my husband for a dime?" "It's ten cents a word," the clerk answered. Lena pondered her dilemma, then finally said, "OK, here's da message: "COMFORTABLE".
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| Posted by Lisa M. Funkychicken on 11-Aug-2005 | Country LaneA husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.
The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"
"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole"
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| Posted by Kitty K. Kitty on 11-Aug-2005 | BrewsterThere was a farmer who was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters whose job was to fertilize the eggs. He kept records and any rooster or pullet that didn't perform well went into the pot and was replaced. Now this took an awful lot of time. So when the farmer saw a set of 8 tiny bells that each rang a different tone he promptly bought them.
He glued a piece of foam rubber to each clapper shaft so the bell wouldn't ring except when violently shaken. He hung a bell on each rooster's neck and went and mixed a Mint Julep. Now he could sit on the porch and sip while filling out an efficiency report on the roosters by listening to the different tones of the bells and marking down each encounter.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Brewster. Brewster was a fine specimen, but his bell didn't ring all morning. He went to investigate.
Several roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing. Brewster had his bell in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Chagrined at first, the Farmer was soon so proud of Brewster he entered him in the county fair.
Brewster was an overnight sensation. They not only awarded him the No Bell prize but also the Pullet Surprise.
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| Posted by Shannon Swiney on 11-Aug-2005 | Big Eared MuleThere were two farmers, neither one had much common sense. They were told by their boss to put the mule in the barn.
When they led the mule over to the barn, they decided that the mule's ears were to long and he would not fit into the barn. So they put their heads together and decided to get a ladder and a saw and saw the overhead of the barn out so the mule could walk right on in the barn.
They began their job and the boss walked over to them and asked them why they were sawing out the top of the barn. When they told him the mule's ears were too long to go into the barn, the boss said:
"Why don't you just get a shovel and dig the dirt out of the ground below, then the mule could walk on in"
The two half smarts looked at each other and said "We told you his "ears" are too long, not his feet !
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