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Office Jokes (7901):Computer Jokes (1331): Run/Dos/Run


Posted by Leif on 14-Aug-2005

Run/Dos/Run

C:\run
C:\run\dos
C:\run\dos\run
   

3 people have rated this joke:
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Office Jokes (7901):Computer Jokes (1331): Bill Gates joke 2


Posted by calicutieangel on 14-Aug-2005

Bill Gates joke 2

Why does Bill Gates wear layer-up-on-layer of wooly jumpers?

Because he likes Soft-Ware!

   

1 people have rated this joke:
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Office Jokes (7901):Computer Jokes (1331): Tennis


Posted by Katie P. Kromwell on 14-Aug-2005

Tennis

Why can't cmputers play tennis?

They try to surf the net.
   

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Office Jokes (7901):Computer Jokes (1331): If Bill Gates Was Jewish


Posted by jesse d. stojan on 14-Aug-2005

If Bill Gates Was Jewish

-Your computer would automatically shut down on Friday evening till
Saturday night.

-On the calander it would say what time you need to light the candles.

-Your computer would alert you if there is some unkosher food in your
house.

-Instead of the optional languages: English, French or Spanish, it would
be: Yiddish (cuz Hebrew is a holy language, religious ppl don't want to
talk Hebrew unless it's for a prayer).

-Depending what time of day it is, your computer desktop wallpaper would
be the text of the prayer needed to be said at that time of day.

-The year would change in September-Rosh Hashana




   

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Office Jokes (7901):Computer Jokes (1331): Power Outage


Posted by Charisma K. Carsinoger on 14-Aug-2005

Power Outage

A True Story....
A friend of mine worked for the local internet
company as a tech support guy, when one day he received a call
from a man who was obviously computer ignorant. The man told my
friend that his computer screen went black while he was using
it. He asked the man if the little light on his monitor was
still on, and the man said no. So then he asked him if the
computer was still pluged in. The man asked him to hold on while
he checked. A few minutes later, the man comes back and tells
him he can't see the plug in because the electricity had went
off. Therefore, my friend told him to put his computer back in
the box and take it back to the store because he was too stupid
to own a computer!


   

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Office Jokes (7901):Computer Jokes (1331): Caveman Tech Support


Posted by antz on 11-Aug-2005

Caveman Tech Support

The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:
This fire help. Me Groog

Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.

You have flint and stone?

Ugh

You hit them together?

Ugh

What happen?

Fire not work

(sigh) Make spark?

No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday.

*sigh* You change rock?

I change nothing

You sure?

Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire, right?
   

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Office Jokes (7901):Computer Jokes (1331): Micheal jackson and micdonolds


Posted by Someone Funny on 13-Aug-2005

Micheal jackson and micdonolds

wat do micdonalds and micheal jackson hav in commmon,they both stick there 46 year old meat into 6 year old buns.
   

2 people have rated this joke:
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Office Jokes (7901):Computer Jokes (1331): For People Play StarCraft Only


Posted by Funnyjoker420 on 14-Aug-2005

For People Play StarCraft Only

Note: this is not serious

- SCV should have 101 hP
- there should be an upgrade that let drone moves slower
- infest terran should do 5 conclussive damage
- Fire bats get a rocket launcher for air units and do 50 damage
- spider mine should be able to dance around and confuse the enemy
- battle cruise should have 30 cannons instead of one.
- carrier should be able to crash into any buildings and incinerate it.
- tassadar should be back
- drop ship drop bombs, not units
- Vultures can cast plague
- Why did the chicken cross the road?
- Ultras can dig a hole underground and sneak up on any unit by sticking
it's blades out like a sunken.
- there should be an ungrade that let zerglings teleport to anywhere in
the map
- hatchery should cost 1000 mineral + 1 gas
- marines and firebats have to take bath otherwise units around him start
dieing (like irridiate)
- "nuclear launch detect" should appear just after the nuke hits
- there should be an upgrade that allows zealots to attack, research at
the arbitor tribunal, and requires fleet beacon and robotic support bay.
- Apples should be blue
- there should be a new templar and archon
- EMP, Irradiate are both research at the sci Vessal and cast by the
science facility
- All protoss buildings must be built on the creep
- All zerg buildings must be built near a pylon
- Protoss and Zerg will be force to allied, and they say the United
Nations are useless
- probe --> advance buildings -->
robotic support bay (requires robotic facility)
observatory (requires robotic support bay)
robotic facility (requires observatory)
- lockdown will be useless against vultures, tanks, goliaths, wraiths,
dropships, Science Vessals, Battlecruisers, SCVs, Carriers, Arbitors,
Scouts, Shttles, Reavers, observers, Dragoon, and Probe. You can only use
them against overloads and buildings.
- a spell from the queen, it would target a unit, and it will eventually
die off slowly, just like irradiate. Also, any other unit within 2 matrix
of the infected unit will also be infected immediately, and will spread
just like a virus until there's no more unit to infect. I'll call it the
spell "Microsoft".
- give medic the ability to heal "Microsoft"
- Two archons make a ultrarchons and cost 8 psi
- Two ultrarchons make invincarchon and cost 16 psi
- Two invincarchons make a TooBigToFitInAShuttleArchon, and take 32 psi
- Burrow ability research at the larvre, which constatly produce
Hatcherys, which in turn morph into various warriers and minions
- Three Hatcherys Max per larvre
- Oh did I mention that Hatchery cost money? 1000 m + 1 g
- you get 950 mineral + 1 gas back for zerglings. So a pair would still
cost 50m
- Guardian can morph into harvoclisk, but would require the EvenGreater
Spire, morph from the Greater Spire
- Consume will require 51 energy to cast
- Infested Nexus.
- Extractor/Assimilator/Refinery should now cost 100gas
- Carriers get an upgrade, allow it to have 100,000 intecepters
- Intercepters will deal 0 damage to all units and buildings, except for
other intercepters.
- Evolution Chamber becomes an addon to the Hatcher... I mean Larvre
- Spawning pool, another addon to the Larvre
- Hydralisk Den, an addon to the Spawning pool
- Queens Nest, attach to the Hydralisk Den
- Battlecrusers have a cloaking field, all units around it (Yes ALL)
becomes cloak
- Marine have a de-cloaking field, no units around it can cloak
- Marine against Battlecruisers, Marine wins. Marines cloak (frpm the BC),
BC doesn't(from the Marine). So BC can't shoot.
- did I mention Science Vessal can't detect anymore?
- You are still reading this.
- Goliath fires nukes, ghost still launch nukes, but not fire them.
- Tank, 10 conclusive damage
- Ghost, 70 explosive damage
- Dark Templar should have a mana bar, and takes 25 enegy to decloak, plus
1 per seconds after.
- Invincidrone bug fixed!!!!! NOW Mutis can be invincible instead!
- Max unit supply now goes to 200,000,000,000
- Comsat cost 201 mana to use
- Comsat energy maxium reduce to 199
- An upgrade reseached at the Academy, allows +1 Comsat Station energy
- Wraith should do 1000 ground damage
- and .001 Air Damage
- automatic features: "Newbie Detected"
- lurker do 500 damage with a range of 56 matrix
- Engineering bay now takes up 8*6 matrix instead of 4*3. Also increase
the hit point to 2000. This will help cover other objects so no one can
manually target them.
- Shuttle should move slower than the Command Center in flight

   

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Office Jokes (7901):Computer Jokes (1331): Loser + MS Word


Posted by Audrey Osterman on 14-Aug-2005

Loser + MS Word

Go into MS Word and type in:

loser

Highlight it and press Shift+F7

Maybe MSWord knows how to reply to insults!

   

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Office Jokes (7901):Computer Jokes (1331): Alternative Lyrics : Something


Posted by JAMIE E. LONGMAN on 14-Aug-2005

Alternative Lyrics : Something

Something


Something in the way it fails,
Defies the algorithm's logic!

Something in the way it coredumps...
I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this problem somehow

Somewhere in the memory I know,
A pointer's got to be corrupted.
Stepping in the debugger will show me...
I don't want to leave it now
I'm too close to leave it now

You're asking me can this code go?
I don't know, I don't know...
What sequence causes it to blow?
I don't know, I don't know...

Something in the initializing code?
And all I have to do is think of it!

Something in the listing will show me...
I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this tonight I vow!
   

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