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| Posted by taylor hunt on 14-Aug-2005 | Dear AbbyDear Abby,
My husband has cheated on me our entire marriage. He tells
everybody how much he loves me, but they all know what he's
doing. He has many influential friends and they just pretend
it's not happening because they want his help in big deals.
They're so snowed by him that they avoid the whole issue. I know
I should be thankful that he is successful in his profession,
but now many of his coworkers are leery of him. Every time he
gets caught, he first denies it all, then admits that he was
wrong and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so
long, everyone in town knows he's a cheater. I don't know what to
do. Frustrated.
Dear Frustrated,
Why don't you move to New York and run for the Senate?
Abby
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| Posted by Julie E. Smith on 08-Aug-2005 | Dumb WivesAn Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The Englishman says, ''I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in.''
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker.
''Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car,'' he laments, ''and she doesn't even know how to drive!''
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. ''Ah, it kills me everytime I think of it,'' he chuckles. ''My wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn't even have a penis!''
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| Posted by Lalalak on 08-Aug-2005 | Going To BedMom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed."
She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches, rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.
She then put some wet clothes into the dryer, put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the newspapers strewn on the floor, picked up the game pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a textbook out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then creamed her face, put on moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and trimmed her nails.
Hubby called, "I thought you were going to bed."
"I'm on my way," she said.
She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out a bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her list of things to do for tomorrow. About that time, the hubby turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular "I'm going to bed," and he did.
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| Posted by Cam Salisbury on 09-Aug-2005 | Snow on the roofA seventy-five year old guy, his hair is completely white, marries a twenty-two year old girl, and she gets pregnant. Nine months later, he walks into the Maternity Ward. He says to the nurse, "Well, how'd I do?"
The nurse says, "She had twins."
He says, "Heh, heh, heh...well, I guess that goes to show, that even if there's snow on the roof, there can still be fire in the furnace."
She says, "Well, then you'd better change filters. Both of the babies are black."
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| Posted by bloody bob on 09-Aug-2005 | Crutches pleaseWhen Don first noticed that his prick was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was Donna.
But after several weeks and nearly nine inches later, Don became concerned and the couple went to see a doctor.
After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, although rare, Don's condition could be cured through corrective surgery.
"How long will he be on crutches?" Donna asked anxiously.
"Crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well, yes," said Donna, "You ARE planning to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Ashley E. Who Cares on 11-Aug-2005 | More Pick Up Lines1. I want you almost as much as I want world peace.
2. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.
3. We both know that I am going to follow you home anyway, so why don't you just come along peacefully?
4. I envy your lipstick.
5. I just want to be loved - is that so wrong?
6. You remind me of an ice cold Pepsi - I've just gotta have it.
7. Do you believe in the hereafter? Good, then you know what I'm here after.
8. If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.
9. Baby, you look so sweet you're giving me a cavity.
10. Is it me or am I gorgeous?
11. I'd even marry your dog just to be related to you.
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| Posted by Zach Evans on 12-Aug-2005 | Nudy whothere was a lady
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| Posted by Nol T. Johnson on 13-Aug-2005 | Its so funny
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| Posted by jen on 13-Aug-2005 | Trainsexcouple where travaling in train .
they wanted to have sex .so they made codes
todo.
to insert-pepsi .
to take out-coca cola.
at night they started pepsi-cocacola.........
then the old man sleeping down wake up
and said pepsi coco cola is alright dont through pepsi on me.
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| Posted by Sucha Dog on 14-Aug-2005 | The Two Men There were once two men, Bob and Joe, who were debating on who
did the worst sin. Bob says, "I had an affaire with a hot
brunette with light blue eyes while my hot blond hair with dark
green eyed wife was at home." Joe laughed and said, "I had an
affaire with a hot blond hair with dark green eyes while my hot
brunette with light blue eyed wife was at home."
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