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| Posted by Nol T. Johnson on 14-Aug-2005 | ChiropractorWhy did the computer go to a chiropractor?
It had a slipped disc.
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| Posted by Grinch on 14-Aug-2005 | Half A Job"This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of
your job for you."
Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine, I'll take two."
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| Posted by Jeremy Radle on 14-Aug-2005 | Computer SuperheroWhat do you call a computer superhero?
A screen saver.
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| Posted by Bruce R. Wood on 14-Aug-2005 | How to Tell If You Are a Geek1. You make acronyms for everything. Such as: IAG (I'm a Geek) and TMHE
(That Movie had Errors)
2. You know more digits of PI than people.
3. You use the computer more than you sleep. Not just on weekends!
4. You eat "Super Chocolate Lard Blocks" for breakfast.
5. You watch Star Trek every day, and look for small errors.
6. You look on all these websites and find tiny grammar mistakes that no
one cares about.
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| Posted by Jeremy A. Bennett on 14-Aug-2005 | Top 10 Rejected Kid's Video Games"Mommy, mommy! look at all those $2 video games at the back of
K-Mart! Can you get me some?" The voice of an innocent child who
does not know what he is getting himself into. He has entered...
The Reject Zone!
Here are some rejects for your viewing pleasure. Heehee!
10. Barney goes through puberty (and i always thought he was
hairless!)
9. Drunk airplane pilot 4: descent (bubba ain't done with his
damn 40 yet!)
8. Dungeon Peeper (you hornball, you!)
7. Sonic the Hedgehog discovers how to use a gun (finaly! i'm
sick of his damn non-violent actions! blood, gore, blood
gore!!!! oh um, excuse me, got a little carried away there)
6. Mario and the evil hermaphrodite colony from venus (oooooh! a
new definition of masturbation!)
5. How to masturbate for dummies (yes, yes, i know, you learned
the hard way)
4. Sim amoeba (look at those germs go!)
3. The Tellitubbies disover they're gay (i knew all along)
2. Whorehouse raid (lookin' for a good time, sailor?)
And finally,
1. Barbie misses her period (a classic)
Personally, my favorite is Dungeon Peeper (very graphic). But
don't take my word for it! Waste your own money on these
wonderfully explicit, cheap, (and fake) games!
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| Posted by a b. c on 14-Aug-2005 | MS Word + I should fartType "I should fart" (sans quotes) in MS Word, highlight and then click on
thesaurus (shift+f7).
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| Posted by Heather M. Jones on 14-Aug-2005 | Computer DatingAfter only being married for six months, the unhappy wife made an
appointment with a divorce lawyer. "We met through a computer dating
service," she said between sobs. "For the life of me, I'll never
understand what that machine saw in him."
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| Posted by Ken c. Jupre on 14-Aug-2005 | MS Solitaire CheatIn MS Solitaire, while playing with three cards turning over, hold Ctrl +
Alt + Shift to turn over only one card at a time.
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| Posted by Vanessa E. Saunders on 14-Aug-2005 | The Man Sun TanningThere was a man reading a newspaper and sun tanning on the
beach, in the nude. Then he saw a little girl walk towards him
so he put the newspaper over his dick.
The little girl said "what do you have under that newspaper."
The man said "I have a bird under this newspaper."
The girl said "ok" and left
The man decided to take a nap, he woke up in the hospital.
The doctor asked him "do you remember anthing"
The man said " the last thing I remember was a little girl
asking me a question.
They find the little girl and asked her what she did.
She said " Well the man said he had a bird so I started to play
with it, then it spat at me, so I snapped his neck cracked its
eggs and set its nest on fire
By M.J
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| Posted by Lauren Adamowsky C. Adamowsky on 14-Aug-2005 | If God Made Software ...If God made software ...
... It would always work, and work perfectly every time.
... It would have every feature a user REALLY needed.
... The software would never expire or go out of date.
... It would come with automatic back-up and rescue utilities.
... It would recommend votive candles for installation, training, and
support.
... Upgrades could be installed with a little extra effort on the user's
part, but would come with built-in support.
... Help would be available 24 x 7 at no charge.
... Support calls would never have busy signals or voice menus.
... Support for the product would never be discontinued.
... It wouldn't be junk.
... It would be compliant for all millenia.
... Help for one application would work for all other applications.
... Games would teach us important life lessons, too.
... It would be immune to viruses (and XXX web sites).
... It would work on every hardware platform and every user configuration.
... The software would work particularly well when the hardware was
failing.
... You wouldn't need any kind of special peripheral device or internet
connection.
... You should always have enough memory to run it.
... A monopoly would be a good thing.
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