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| Posted by Ashley K. A on 14-Aug-2005 | Can You See It?Well one day this teacher was trying to explain evolution to her
kindergarten class. She uses a little boy named Tommy to help
her. This is what happened that day.
Teacher: Tommy can you go outside and look at the tree?
Tommy: Ok
(Tommy goes outside looks at the tree and comes back in)
Teacher: Did you see the tree?
Tommy: Yep.
Teacher: Ok, now I want you to go outside and look at the grass.
(Tommy goes outside looks at the grass and comes back in.)
Teacher: Tommy, did you see the grass?
Tommy: Yes.
Teacher: Ok. Tommy, go back outside and look at the sky.
(Tommy goes outside looks at the sky and comes back in)
Teacher: Did you see the sky?
Tommy: Yea.
Teacher: Ok now one last time Tommy. I want you to go outside
and look back up into the sky.
Tommy: Ok.
(Tommy goes back outside and looks back at the sky.)
Teacher: Now Tommy, did you see God?
Tommy: No.
Teacher: That's right. Because He's not there.
(Then a six year old girl stands up and asks the teacher if she
could do something. The teacher said fine.)
Girl: Tommy go back outside and look at the tree.
Tommy: (A little annoyed) OOOOKKK.
(Tommy looks at it and comes back in.)
Girl: Did you see it?
Tommy: YES!!
Girl: Ok Tommy, now look at the teacher.
(Tommy looks)
Girl: Do you see her?
Tommy: Yea.
Girl: Did you see her brain?
Tommy: No.
Girl: Well with what she just taught us today she must not have
one.
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| Posted by Stu D. Baker on 14-Aug-2005 | Ebonics TranslatorEbonics Phrase English Meaning
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Let's get Jiggy with it. Shall we go Party?
Let's roll to my crib. Shall we go to my house?
Where my Dawgs At? Hello my friends
What the dilly yo? What is going on?
I'm packing heat. I have a gun at the current time
I smoke mad weed. I have used a large amount of marijuana
That was off the hook! That was quite amazing!
That joint was hot! That song was very nice
Phat, your Phat! You are a very cool person
You My Boy! You're a very good friend of mine
Lets chill at my 'hood. Shall we visit my neighborhood?
That's wack. I greatly dislike that
Why you tripping? What's your problem?
You so crazy. Your a very crazy person
Keep it real. Continue to be your cool self
WestSide!!! I support the west coast
EastSide!!! I support the east coast
I'll bust a cap in yo ass. I will shoot you
Hit a freestyle. Make a rap song from the top of your head
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| Posted by Samantha A. S on 14-Aug-2005 | Rednecks and poetryThe finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two
finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate. The other
finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M. The rules of the
contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute
or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu". The Duke
graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he
jumped up and recited the following poem:
------------------------------
Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination-Timbuktu.
------------------------------
The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?!
The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in
the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
------------------------------
Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu.
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| Posted by Juliet on 14-Aug-2005 | First Grade TeacherA first grade teacher was a die-hard Colorado Avalanche fan. She
told the class to raise their hands if they were true Avalanche
fans like her. The children, not knowing what an Avalanche fan
was, raised their hands. They too wanted to be just like the
teacher, all except one little girl. She did not raise her hand.
The teacher approached her and asked, "Why aren't you an
Avalanche fan? They are the best team and I love them." The
little girl responded, "I'm a Detroit Red Wings fan." The
teacher asked, "Why are you a Wings fan?" The little girl said,
"Well, my parents are Wings fans."
The teacher, getting upset at this point, stated, "Just because
your parents are Wings fans doesn't make you one. What if your
dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot, what would that make
you?" The little girl thought for a moment and said, "Well, that
would make me an Avalanche fan."
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| Posted by Arielle on 14-Aug-2005 | Grow up to Be a DoctorOne day in the first grade class, the teacher asked the class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "A doctor?"
"And why's that?" asked the teacher.
"Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to
take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the
bill."
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| Posted by Misty D. Hall on 14-Aug-2005 | To Home With LoveDear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying
very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I
need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I
would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to
keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit
of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
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| Posted by Angelic Beauty on 14-Aug-2005 | Tell the Dean How You FeelWouldn't it be nice to tell the Dean of your college what you REALLY think
about him/her?
Well,... if you like YOUR Dean as much as I like MY Dean, then you'd
better keep your mouth shut. I knew I'd get kicked out of the college if I
expressed my true feelings, so I remained silent for the last four years.
But yesterday was my graduation. And as I walked across the stage, the
Dean handed my diploma to me (nicely scrolled and tied with a ribbon).
Once she handed it to me, I could finally tell that bitch what I REALLY
thought about her. So I leaned across her podium and I looked her straight
in the eye.
"Hey Bitch," I said. "You're so damn ugly... you could practice birth
control just by leaving the lights on!" And then I walked off the stage,
and went home. I gotta tell you that it felt just as good as I had
imagined it would forthe last four years.
Today, I unwrapped my diploma, framed it, and hung it in the living room,
where it proudly exclaims to the world:
"In order to receive your diploma, please present this certificate
to the Dean of your college after final grades have been posted!"
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| Posted by S W on 14-Aug-2005 | Quiz for Weeding Out InduhvidualsThere is much concern that Induhviduals are trying to pass themselves off
as DNRC members. If you are in doubt about a particular person's
Induhviduality, simply administer this IQ quiz (Induhviduality Quotient):
1. What is the capital letter in Russia?
2. If 2 + 2 is 4 and 2 x 2 is also 4, what's the big deal about
multiplication anyway?
3. Titanium is:
A. A big boat that sank
B. A vulgar latin term
C. A long-haired performer who plays the ukelele
4. When you close the refrigerator door, what happens to the light inside?
A. Nobody knows because it's dark in there
B. It gets trapped inside because it's not as fast as you might think
C. It combines with the yogurt to make "Light Yogurt."
5. If you bang your head against your keyboard, it feels good as soon as
you:
A. Stop
B. Become unconscious
C. 0;Hijejnkh9*&^^^jnnlwj
6. If you are planning to be in a relay race and you can't find a baton,
a
good substitute would be:
A. Scissors
B. Hand grenade
C. Soap
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| Posted by Japeloup on 14-Aug-2005 | Unwilling Part in a PlayJohnny was made to take a part in his school play in order to
get a passing grade on his report card. Johnny stressed several
times that he could not remember the lines asigned to him to
recite. The night of the play came around and he again stressed
that he could not remember the lines he was to perform.
As his turn grew ever closer he studied his lines over and over
with little success in remembering them. Here is what Johnny was
supposed to recite. "Oh you alabaster witch, with turquoise eyes
and ruby lips, how you make my heart twitch, Shakespeare!"
As Johnny walked onto stage and saw the crowd looking intensely
at him his lines once again slipped from his mind. Here is what
he said. "Oh you Alabama Bitch, with turkey eyes and rubber
tits, how you make my asshole twitch, snake shit, bat shit, rat
shit, didn't want to do this fucking play anyway."
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| Posted by cory a. HOGAN on 14-Aug-2005 | BroomA young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of
work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile,
gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out
the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here,
give me the broom. I'll show you how."
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