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| Posted by kiks6 on 14-Aug-2005 | Queen of England and the PopeOne day, the Queen of England is visiting the Pope, outside,
there is a big crowd. The Queen was talking about how loyal her
subjects were, and the Pope asked her to demonstrate this. So
she said that with a wave of her hand, she could make the people
of England cheer, and sure enough, when she waved her hand, the
people of England cheered. The Pope said that he could do
better, the Queen asked what he ment, so he told her that he
could get all of the people of Ireland to go nuts, so the Pope
and the Queen went on the balcony. Then, the Pope headbutted the
Queen.
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| Posted by Kelli M. Buckley on 14-Aug-2005 | Irish CommandoAn Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman all wanted to join the
commando's. So they went to sign up, they passed all the tests
apart from the last one.
When the Major called them through he told them what the last
task was. He said to the Englishman "Go through door number 1.
Your wife is in there, you've got to shoot her!". The
Englishman says "I can't do that" and walks off, so the Major
turns to the Scotsman and says "Go through door number 2 and
shoot your wife". The Scotsman walked through door number 2.
After 5 minutes the Scotsman comes out crying and says "I
couldn't do it", he then walks off.
The Major turns round to Paddy and tells him to go through door
number 3 and shoot his wife. After half an hour once all the
banging and crashing had finished Paddy walks out the room. The
Major says "What were you doing in there for half an hour",
Paddy replies "Some dumb bastard put blanks in the gun so I had
to strangle the bitch!".
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| Posted by GooberGal on 14-Aug-2005 | Drinking with the BrothersAn Irish man went to a pub and asked for 4 pints of beer. The
bartender recommended that the Irish man get the pints one at a
time so that he could enjoy each one before it gets hot. The
Irish man said he wanted all four at a time to remind him when
his three brothers used to drink with him before they moved to
America.
This continued everyday and the bartender learned a lot about
the Irishman and his three brothers, the man ordering 4 pints at
each sitting.
One day the Irish man walks into the pub and only orders 3
pints. The bartender goes up to the man and says, "I'm really
sorry about your loss. I know how much you loved your brothers.
The Irish man told him not to worry, his brothers were fine, "I
just gave up drinking."
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| Posted by Barry G. Wood on 14-Aug-2005 | CheekyWho was the first Scottish man?
I don't know
Mac Adam.He He He
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| Posted by Laura Brown on 14-Aug-2005 | Noisy NeighborsA bright young Scottish lad named Shamus had the opportunity to
go to university in London. So he packed his bags and said
good-bye to his mother and left the highlands for the big city.
After the first week his mother called to see how her boy was
holding up.
"I love it here Mother," Shamus told her, "but these English
students are the oddest people ever! Why the boy who lives in
the dormitory room next to me bangs his head against the wall
until midnight every night. And the boy in the room above me
stomps around until midnight every night. And the boy right
below me blasts his stereo until midnight every night."
"Why don't you complain to the Dean of students?" asks his
mother.
"Well, it doesn't bother me much," answers Shamus. "I'm usually
up until that time quietly practicing my bagpipes anyway."
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| Posted by nichole,alisha eason on 14-Aug-2005 | Englishman, Scotishman and an IrishmanThe three men are sat on the building site having their lunch.
The Englishman opens his lunchbox and says 'Oh no, chedder
again, if I get chedder again tomorrow I'm gona throw myself off
this building site!'
The Scotishman opens his lunchbox and says, 'Oh crap! No haggis
again! If I've got haggis tomorrow I'm gona throw myself off
this building site with ya!'
The Irish man said, 'I've got ham again, if I've got ham
tomorrow, I'm gona throw myself off this building site too.'
The next day the englishman looks in his lunchbox, gets up, and
jumps off the building site.
Scotsman shout 'Yuk! Haggis!' Runs and jumps off the building
site.
The Irishman says 'Oh no, ham.' He does the same.
At the funeral the wives all talk. The englishman's wife says,
'He could have just asked if he wanted different sandwiches for
lunch.' The scotsman's wife says 'I know, if he had asked, he
could have had something else.' The Irishman's wife said 'I cant
understand it! He makes his own dinner!'
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| Posted by Rik Armstrong on 14-Aug-2005 | Getting into OlympicsAn Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman all went to the Olympics,
but they had forgot to order any tickets in advance. When they
got to the ticket office, the lady behind the desk told them
that there were no tickets left.
All three were devastated until the Englishman had an idea. He
walked over to a car and ripped out the hubcap. He then walked
over to the gate and said, "Hi, I'm here for the Discus." "Ok,
go along there. The locker rooms are on your right," replied the
official.
The Scotsman then walked over to a pole stuck in the ground. He
took it out and walked over to the same official and said, "Hi,
I'm here for the javelin." "Ok, go along there. The locker rooms
are on your right."
Not to be out done the Irishman walked over to a load of barbed
wire, and rapped himself up in it. He then walked over and said
to the official, "Hi, I'm Paddy and I'm here for the fencing."
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| Posted by Anya on 14-Aug-2005 | Three Irish Wishes One Day an Irishman was walking down the street when he
stumbled upon a lamp. He rubbed the lamp and sure enough out
poped a genie.
The Genie told him he would grant him any three wishes he
wanted. The man thought for a while and finally decided.
"First off I want a bottomless mug 'o beer"
POOF
In the man's hand appeared a mug of beer. He downed the mug
and it filled right back up. He did this 5 or 6 more times.
After a while the genie asked "have you decided on your last
two wishes."
The man said "I'll take two more of these."
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| Posted by Tiger Fly on 14-Aug-2005 | Paddy man?Paddy Irish man, Paddy scotish man and Paddy Fat man where
caught smuggling on a far contry.
As a result they where deserted on a deserted island and all
given the chosse of somthing to bring with them.
MAN; so paddy Irish man what would you like.
PADDY IRISH MAN; A car door.
MAN; Why?
PADDY IRAISH MAN; So I won't dehidrate
(he turns to paddy scotish man)
MAN; What would you like?
PADDY SCOTTISH MAN; Sun tan lotion.
MAN; Why?
PADDY SCOTISH MAN; So I won't burn.
(turns to paddy fat man)
MAN; And you?
PADDY FAT MAN; A car door
MAN; Why?
PADDY FAT MAN; So when it gets to hot I can role down the
window.
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| Posted by foxee sexee chik on 14-Aug-2005 | Scottish CowsOne day, an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scottish man, were
standing on a bridge. As they were standing on the bridge
chatting, a herd of cows crossed the bridge.
"Those have got to be English cows," the Englishman commented.
"They're black and white."
"No," the Irishmen argued. "They've got to be Irish cows, they
got spots."
"I beg to differ," the Scottish man said. "Those are Scottish
cows. They got the wee bagpipes hanging down!
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