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| Posted by Ben Driediger on 14-Aug-2005 | ouch!A man walks into a bar
Ouch!
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| Posted by Max on 14-Aug-2005 | Stinking, Drunken, and ClosefistedA stinking Brit, a drunken Irishman, and a closefisted Scot go
out to a pub and order 3 pints. They each find a fly floating on
the top of their mugs.The stinking Brit says, "Bartender, can I
have a spoon?" and quietly removes the fly from his brew. The
drunken Irishman says, "Get out of there!" and flicks the fly
away with a finger. The closefisted Scot picks up the fly with
his fingers and says, "Alright ya wee bastard. Spit it out. Now!"
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| Posted by Dave Smith on 14-Aug-2005 | WineAn Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor
of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just
water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell
wine? The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's
done it again!"
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| Posted by Zildjian_87 on 14-Aug-2005 | Cut It OutPaddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman go to see a
hypnotist. All three are hypnotized and come the end of the
show, the hypnotist tells them that when they go home to their
wives the first thing they tell them to do they will do without
any arguments. On the way home they decide to stop off at the
pub first. They have a few rounds of beers and then head off
home.
Paddy Englishman gets home and as soon as he opens the door he
starts falling all over the place knocking everything over. The
wife says to him, "That's right, wreck the place." So Paddy
smashes everything in the house.
Paddy Scotsman gets home and gets straight into bed and decides
to have a smoke before nodding off and falls asleep before
finishing it. The wife who was already in bed says, "That's
right Paddy, burn the place down." So he gets up a sets fire to
every room in the house.
Outside the house. The 2 Paddies run over to the cops car, to
Paddy Irishman and asks him what happened. He replies, "I went
home and felt a little horny. So I got into bed and her pussy.
Then she told me to cut it out."
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| Posted by Someone Funny on 14-Aug-2005 | Air Disaster
Ireland's worst-ever air disaster occurred today when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery early this
afternoon in central Dublin. Irish search and rescue workers
have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb
as digging continues into the evening.
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| Posted by dodo zhang on 14-Aug-2005 | Afro Pot noddlesTrue stroy this...
Down at the voodoo lounge in Dublin, Ireland at Halloween, if
you dressed up you could get in for free.
Two lads Mark and J were to going down to meet up with their
friends
Mark dressed up with a home made silver madalion made from tin
foil and sixtys clothes and a large afro wig, and J didn't dress
up at all thinking he could get past unseen.
At the entrance to the voodoo lounge J tried to hide in a
crowd of his friends all dressed up in their halloween costumes.
But the man on the door spotted him and ordered him to forke
out his five pounds.
"Do you not know who I am", he screamed in his face.
The man on the door srugged. J looked ofended.
"You don'y know who I am" he put on an act, "I'm your lad from
the pot noddle add and this, this is Big Dave" he said pointing
to Mark.
Suprisenly enofe they got in!
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| Posted by John Byram on 14-Aug-2005 | IrishYoung man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish
firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and
both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to
take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the
questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for
your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."
Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9
questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I
should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers,
but on the question you missed."
Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than
the other?"
Manager: "Simple. The American put down on question # 5, 'I
don't know.' You put down 'Neither do I.'"
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| Posted by MickeyMouse on 14-Aug-2005 | Never Trust a CorkmanThis Irish guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Sinead, an
Irish student who is currently working behind the bar, takes his
order and notices his Irish accent. Over the course of the
night, they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night, he asks
her to sleep with him. Although she fancies him, she says no. He
then offers to pay her 100 quid for the deed. Sinead is
travelling the world, and because she is strapped for cash, she
agrees.
The next night, the same guy turns up, and after showing her
plenty of attention throughout the night, he asks her to sleep
with him again for 100 quid. She figures "in for a penny - in
for a pound," and as it was fantastic the night before, she goes
home with him again.
This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into
the bar, but this night he just orders a beer and sits in the
corner. Sinead is disappointed, and figures that maybe she
should pay him more attention.
She goes over and sits beside him. She asks him where he's from,
and he says, "Cork." "Wow," she says, "Me too! - what part?"
"Montenotte," he says. "Jesus, that's amazing," she says, "Which
street?" To which he names the street. She is truly gobsmacked.
"This is uncanny," she says, "what number?" "Number 20." "You
are not going to believe this," she says, "I'm from number 22!
My parents still live there!" "I know", he says. "Your Da gave
my five hundred quid to give you!"
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| Posted by Kathyren M. Williams on 14-Aug-2005 | Irishman Falling DownAn Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender
finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up
to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more
time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some
fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he
stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4
blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and
again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and
into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This
time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell
right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the
pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him,
shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"
"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent
look.
"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
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| Posted by Super*Star* on 14-Aug-2005 | Terminal Irish ManAn Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long
illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and
looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I've got some bad news for
you...you have the cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you
two weeks to a month." Murphy, shocked and saddened by the news,
but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from
the doctor's office into the waiting room.
There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, "Son, we
Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things
don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have
cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for
the pub and have a few pints."
After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less
somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were
eventually approached by some of Murphy's old friends who asked
what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish
celebrate the good and the bad...He went on to tell them that
they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends
"I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with
AIDS." The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a
couple more beers.
After his friends left, Murphy's son leaned over and whispered
his confusion, "Dad I thought you said that you were dying from
cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from
AIDS?" Murphy said, "I am dying from cancer son, I just don't
want any of them sleeping with your mother."
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