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| Posted by Lyn Le on 14-Aug-2005 | Love MakingA Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on
an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began
discussing their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman
bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she
told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian
responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and
told me she could never love another man."
When the Englishman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked,
"And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she
say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."
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| Posted by Secret_Fool on 14-Aug-2005 | The Italian Who Went To New YorkOne day ima go to New York to a bigga hotel. I go down to eat
soma breakfast. Iwanna two piss toast. She branga me only onea
piss. I tella her i wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I
say you no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you
better no piss on the plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even
know the lady and she calla me a sonna ma bitch.
Later i go to eat soma lunch at Drake restaurant, the waitress
bringa me a spoon, ana knife, but no fock. I tella her i wanna
fock. She tellsa me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no
understand, i wanna fock on the table. She say you better not
fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the
lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch.
So i go back to my room inna hotel, an there's no sheet on the
bed. I calla the manager and tella him i wanna sheit. He tellsa
me to go to the toilet. So i say you no understand, i wanna
sheit on the bed. He say you better not sheit on the bed you
sonna ma bitch. I don't even know tha man and he call me sonna
ma bitch.
I go to check out and the man at the desk, he say peace to you.
I say piss onna you too, you sonna ma bitch. I GO BACK TO
ITALY!!!
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| Posted by Fiona L. Holliday on 14-Aug-2005 | The ListThere was a guy that just came to the U.S. and did not speak
very good english. His wife gave him a list of things to buy.
The first thing on the list was to buy a Bucket. So he goes to
the hardware store and says to one of the employees,"Hey mister
hardware store guy can Ihave a fuck it."
Hardware store guy:"Oh he must mean a bucket."
So the guy got his bucket. The next thing on the list was some
bread. So he goes to the bakery store and asked the guy,"Hey can
a have a head."
Baker:"Oh he must mean bread"
So the guy got his loaf of bread. Next was a Cocker Spaniel. So
he went to the pet shop and asked the pet shop guy,"Hey can I
have a Cock And Spank It"
Pet shop guy:"Oh he must mean a Cocker Spaniel."
So the guy got his Cocker Spaniel. Right when he got out of the
pet shop his Cocker Spaniel runs away. So he starts to panic and
runs to the police. So when he got to the police he says,"Will
you hold my head and fuck it while I go find My cock and spank
it!!!"
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| Posted by Bob Nelson on 14-Aug-2005 | Eurolanguage Year 2000The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish [Euro for
short].
In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly,
sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be
replased with 'k'. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replased by 'f'. This will make words like
'fotograf' 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which ahve always
ben a deternent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes
of silent 'e' in the languaj is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the forth uer, peopl wil be receptiv to steps such as replasing the
'th' by 'z' and the 'w' by 'v'. During the fifz uer, ze unesesary 'o' kan
be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes nud of kors be
splid to ozeer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli senisbl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor tubls or difikultis and avrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
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| Posted by Dan Berkowitz on 14-Aug-2005 | French Countryside VisionsAn elderly man was walking through the French countryside,
admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he
spotted a young couple making love in a field. Getting over his
initial shock he said to himself, 'Ah, young love... ze spring
time, ze air, ze flowers... C'est magnifique!' and continued to
watch, remembering good times. Suddenly he drew in a gasp and
said, 'Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman - she is dead!' and he
hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the
police chief.
He came, out of breath, to the police station and shouted,
'Jean... Jean zere is zis man, zis woman... naked in farmer
Gaston's field making love.' The police chief smiled and said;
'Come, come, Henri you are not so old; remember ze young love,
ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L'amour! Zis is ok.'
'Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!'
Hearing this, Jean leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the
station, jumped on his bike, pedaled down to the field,
confirmed Henri's story, and pedaled all the way back non-stop
to call the doctor:
'Pierre, Pierre, ... this is Jean, I was in Gaston's field; zere
is a young couple naked 'aving sex '
To which Pierre replied, 'Jean, I am a man of science. You must
remember, it is spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour! Zis is
very natural.'
Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply, 'NON, you do not
understand; ze woman, she is dead!'
Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed, 'Mon dieu!' grabbed his black
medicine bag; stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other
tools; jumped in the car; and drove like a madman down to
Gaston's field.
After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back
to Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station. He got
there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said, 'Ah, mes amis,
do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead; she is British.'
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| Posted by Howie Payne on 14-Aug-2005 | a French man!there was this french man who came to america. he was walking
down the street and saw a shop selling bukets for 1$ each so he
went inside and he says to the owner "i would like a fuket.'
"you mean a buket?'
"yes a fucket." so he bought the buket! a few blocks down he saw
a pet shop selling cockaspaniels for 50$ each! so he went inside
and says "i would like to buy a cocker!"
the shop keeper sys "you mean a cokerspainl"
"yes a cocker"and bought one. the next shop he entered was a bar
and they were having happy hour all bud lights for a dallor! so
he asked the bar tender "can i have a butt"
the bar tender says "you mean a bud?'
"yes a butt" so he buys one and at that moment his dog gets lose
and he goes to the guy next to him
"please hold my butt and fucket while i chase my cocker!"
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| Posted by Joe B. Bob on 14-Aug-2005 | The Dog and the GermanOne day, a woman was walking her dog on the beach, suddenly,
from nowhere, a large gang came up behind her. They didn't hurt
her, they only threw the dogs ball into the water. Because the
dog loved the ball so much, it went in after it. The dog started
drowning. As the gang disappeared, a large German man came out
as if from nowhere.
He jumped into the water and brought the dog to shore. When they
arrived, he gave the mutt the kiss of life. The dog started
running around with its ball on the beach again. "Thank you for
saving my dog!" cried the woman happily. "Are you a vet?" The
German replied, "Of course I am vet, I've just been in the
vater!"
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| Posted by skitzo frenic on 14-Aug-2005 | Serbian ProstituteWhat do you call a Serbian prostitute?
Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch.
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| Posted by Kristina on 14-Aug-2005 | Hitler vs. Station WagonWhat is the difference between Hitler and a station wagon?
If you don't know you must be pretty stupid.
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| Posted by SongBird5685 on 14-Aug-2005 | Cessna Crash In PolandThe worst disaster in Polands history happend today when two
seater Cessna 120 airplane crashed in a cemetery. So far, 326
bodies have been found. Polish search and rescue team believe
the number will rise as they continue to dig.
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