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| Posted by Christopher L. Eloy on 09-Aug-2005 | Price of gasI'm not sure if my local gas station owner is being a good business person or just trying to maximize his exploiting of the price of gasoline. His full service line now includes a drive up window to a loan officer.
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| Posted by Jason A. Romig on 09-Aug-2005 | Airline foodThe nice thing about airlines??™ in-flight meals is that there??™s no confusion about the quality of the food.
The best and the worst tastes exactly the same.
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| Posted by BILLY B. PLOTTER on 09-Aug-2005 | Bono & hitchhikersBono is known as charitable but he??™s cautious too. I mean, he??™ll pick up hitchhikers then make them ride in the trunk.
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| Posted by joke magus on 09-Aug-2005 | Parking ticketA driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off:
"I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."
Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:
"I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job... Lead us not into temptation."
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| Posted by Adam R. Culbertson on 09-Aug-2005 | MaroonedA boat carrying blue paint and a boat carrying red paint collided in the middle of the ocean.
What happened to the crew?
They were marooned.
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| Posted by Ba A. Bi on 09-Aug-2005 | Hung like a horseA horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.
He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
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| Posted by Nicholas Hock on 09-Aug-2005 | Drunk driverA policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
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| Posted by KrAzYBoY on 09-Aug-2005 | Things not to sayEight things not to say to a cop
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!
5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.
6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
7. I pay your salary!
8. Bad cop! No donut!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by herpez a. bigk on 09-Aug-2005 | A snails paceA snail was crossing the road when all of a sudden he got rolled by a turtle.
The next thing the snail knows he's at the hospital, and the doctor asks him: "How did everything happened?"
The snail replied: "I don't know, everything happened so fast."
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Samuel P. Wilson on 09-Aug-2005 | Pilot to tower"Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land, 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct! "
"Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, which art in heaven...'"
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