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| Posted by Goldberg Exterminator on 10-Aug-2005 | Biological ClocksA High School class in Florida consisted of a particularly well- motivated
group of juniors. Students felt free to ask questions on any subject that
concerned them. One afternoon a girl raised her hand and asked me to explain all
the talk about a woman's "biological clock."
After I'd finished, there was a moment of silence, and then another hand shot
up. "Mrs. Woodard," a student asked, "is your clock still ticking, or has the
alarm gone off?"
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| Posted by Angie Baby on 10-Aug-2005 | The Lion Sleeps TonightThe Weenie Whacker Song
To the tune of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
In the bedroom...the quiet bedroom
The Bobbitt sleeps tonight...
In the kitchen...the downstairs kitchen
Loraina grabs her knife...
(chorus)
Weenie wacker weenie wacker
Weenie wacker weenie wacker
Slashed his pee pee...his tiny pee pee
It left a nasty scar
Stuck his rocket into her pocket
And drove off in the car...
(repeat chorus)
Out the window...the Nissan window
She threw his shuttlecock
Then the cops came and found the unit
And outlined it with chalk...
(repeat chorus until sent to your room)
In the cooler...the Playmate cooler
They packed it up real tight
the doctor patched it...and reattached it
It still don't work quite right...
(repeat chorus until spanked)
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| Posted by deta H. van Hees on 08-Aug-2005 | FascinateA teacher wanted one of her pupils to come up with a sentence with the word fascinate in it. A girl put her hand up and said,"I went to Disneyland. It was fascinating."
"No no, I want you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating".
A boy known for his bad language put his hand up and said, "My sister?s got a shirt with 12 buttons but her tits are so big, she can only fasten eight."
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| Posted by Sucha Dog on 08-Aug-2005 | Aunt CarolA Teacher was trying to get her class to pay attention the last few days of school so she came up with a project that her students had to go home and make their parents tell them a story and have a moral to it. The next day all the kids had great stories and then Jimmy raised his hand and the teacher asked him if he had a story and he said you bet"Its about my Aunt Carol,she was a pilot flying over Iraq and she got shot down and all she had was a pistol,a knife and a bottle of wisky! so she quickly drank the bottle of wisky because she figured she fall into a group of Iraqies! So,sure enough she fell into a group of 12 Iraqies,she shot 9 of them with her pistol,2 of them with her knife until it broke and strangled 1 with her bare hands" and asked if it had a moral to it and he said "You bet, don't mess with my Aunt Carol when she is drinking."
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| Posted by URBANDEVIL on 08-Aug-2005 | OmeletteThe teacher came into the class one day and said, "Students, today's assignment is to make a sentence using the word 'Omelette'".
I volunteered and said "That dude cussed me out but omelette it go instead of fighting about it!"
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| Posted by Audrey K. Veneck on 08-Aug-2005 | College light bulbHow many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's what grad students are for
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| Posted by Kristen S on 09-Aug-2005 | Ways to confuse a roommateThese are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
105. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn."
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| Posted by Carla J. Hicks on 09-Aug-2005 | Ways to confuse a roommateThese are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
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| Posted by Mara - on 09-Aug-2005 | Ways to confuse a roommateThese are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
115. Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, "Psst! Is it gone?"
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| Posted by Kayli on 09-Aug-2005 | Ways to confuse a roommateThese are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
87. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, "You shouldn't have done that to me."
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