|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Madison D. Taylor on 09-Aug-2005 | What kids say'Never trust a dog to watch your food.' - Patrick, aged 10.
'When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer.'- Hannah, aged 9.
'Never tell your mum her diet's not working.' - Michael, aged 14.
'Stay away from prunes.' - Randy, aged 9.
'Don't squat with your spurs on.' - Noronha, aged 13.
'Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.' - Emily, aged 10.
'When your mum is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.' - Taylia, aged 11.
'Never allow your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment.' - Traci, aged 14.
'Don't sneeze in front of your mum when you're eating crackers.' - Mitchell, aged 12.
'Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac.' - Andrew, aged 9.
'Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.' - Kyoyo, aged 9.
'You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.' - Armir, aged 9.
'Don't wear polka-dotted underwear under white shorts.' - Kellie, aged 11.
'If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.' - Naomi, aged 15.
'Felt pens are not good to use as lipstick.' - Lauren, aged 9.
'Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.' - Joel, aged 10.
'When you get a bad grade at school, show it to your mum when she's on the phone.' - Alyesha, aged 13.
'Never try to baptise a cat.' - Eileen, aged 8.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by laken thompson on 09-Aug-2005 | Winnie the pooThe kindergarten kids had graduated to the infant class. Their teacher wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten.
She told them to use grown-up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.
The first little one said he went to see his Nana.
The teacher said, 'No, no, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown-up word.'
The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo-choo. The teacher again said, 'No, no, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown-up word.'
Then the teacher asked the third little one what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and, in a very adult way, replied, 'Winnie the Shit.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Kel on 09-Aug-2005 | Xmas timeLittle Jonny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.
The shrink said,
'Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Luke what he wants Santa to bring him. If He cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gifts or gifts he requests.'
Two days before Christmas, Luke's father asked him what he wanted for Christmas.
'I want a damn teddy bear laying right beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.'
On Christmas morning, little Luke woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage.
When Luke walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, 'What did Santa bring you this year?'
Luke replied, 'I think I got a dog but I can't find the son-of-a-bitch!'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Pimp Daddy on 09-Aug-2005 | Dr Seuss's PCDr Seuss explains computers:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot it,
and let it go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the micro-code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to ram your ROM,
So quickly turn off your computer and go and tell your mum!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mike T. Bokinskie on 09-Aug-2005 | Crowded airlinerAs the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum.
No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force Wing General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle.
Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken general leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the general slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
'Excuse me, General,' she asks quietly, 'but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?'
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides,
'I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Marvin Tapessur on 09-Aug-2005 | Whats a periodThe kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
Eventually little Johnny's turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, waited a short time and make a second small white dot next to the first.
Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was.
'It's a period,' reported Johnny.
'Yes, I can understand that,' she said, 'but what is so exciting about a period?'
'Damned if I know,' said Johnny, 'but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by derek on 09-Aug-2005 | Little SimonLittle Simon came running into the house and asked,
'Mummy, can little girls have babies?'
'No,' said his mum, 'of course not.'
Simon ran back outside and his mum heard him yell to his friends, 'It's okay, we can play that game again!'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Gillian Cheng on 09-Aug-2005 | Your an 8Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out,
'Miss Jones, I need to have a piss!'
Miss Jones replied,
'Now Johnny, that is not the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is urinate. Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly and I will allow you to go.'
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a 10.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by kaitlyn a. myers on 09-Aug-2005 | I need a bikeA few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed his mum's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, 'I need a man, I need a man.'
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day Johnny came home from school and heard her moaning again. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself and moaned, 'Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mike A. Rotch on 09-Aug-2005 | No honeyLittle Johnny (that little bugger again!) was being particularly reckless one day. He was playing in the backyard when some honeybees started swirling around, annoying him. He began stomping on them in a temper and his father saw him.
'That's it. No honey for you for one month.'
Later, Johnny pondered over some butterflies and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him and after a brief moment of thought said, 'No butter for you for one month.'
Early that evening, Johnny's mother was cooking dinner and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead.
Johnny's mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her, to which Johnny said, 'Are you going to tell her, Daddy, or do you want me to?'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
