|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Rosanna h. Young on 09-Aug-2005 | The Lone RangerA teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her Grade Two class because she realizes Little Johnny's habit of using sexual innuendo is going to cause some trouble.
Johnny remains attentive throughout the whole class and, finally, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, 'I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.'
`Very good, William,' said the teacher.
'My mummy had a baby,' said little Esther.
'Oh, that's nice,' replied the teacher.
Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. 'I was watching TV yesterday and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.'
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, 'And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?'
'It'll teach those Indians not to f*** with the Lone Ranger.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Tammy Roy on 09-Aug-2005 | Horsey ridesThat little bastard Little Johnny was passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his parents in the act.
Before his Dad can even react, little Johnny exclaims, 'Oh boy! Horsey ride. Daddy can I ride on your back?'
Daddy, relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable questions and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.
Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon his mummy starts moaning and gasping and Johnny cries out, 'Hang on tight, Daddy. This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mitchy Dee on 09-Aug-2005 | CircumspectionTwo five-year-old boys are standing at the toilet to piss.
One says, 'Your thingy doesn't have any skin on it.'
'I've been circumcised,' the other one says.
'What's that mean?'
'It means they cut the skin off at the end.'
'How old were you when it was cut off?'
'My mum said I was two days old.'
'Did it hurt?'
'You bet it hurt. I couldn't walk for a year.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by lil dude on 09-Aug-2005 | She fakes itA little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap and Santa asks,
'What would you like me to bring you for Christmas?'
The little girl replies,
'I want a Barbie and a G. I. Joe doll.'
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says,
'I thought Barbie comes with Ken.'
'No,' the little girl replies, 'She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by pedro on 09-Aug-2005 | Parents AwayA traveling salesman knocks on the door of a house. A kid, about 12 years old, answers the door. He's wearing a pink tutu, has a cigar in one hand, and a martini in the other.
The salesman is a little taken back, so he asks,
'Excuse me, son, are your parents home?'
The kid takes a big puff on the cigar and answers, 'What the f*** do you think?'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Grace Littlehales on 09-Aug-2005 | Speed CameraA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeding motorists but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem.
A 10-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign that read 'Radar Trap Ahead'. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading 'Tips' and a bucket full of change.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Katiekate m. Star on 09-Aug-2005 | Out of gasA little girl asks her mum,
'Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?'
Mum says,
'No, because the dog is in heat.'
'What's that mean?' asks the child.
'Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage'.
The little girl goes to the garage and says.
'Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mum but she said the dog was in heat and that I should ask you.'
Dad says,
'Bring Susie over here.' He takes a rag, soaks it with gasoline, and scrubs the dog's rear with it and says, 'OK, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go onetime around the block.'
The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Dad says, 'Where's Susie"'
The little girl says,
'Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block and there's another dog pushing her home.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by missee d. on 09-Aug-2005 | ContagiousA teacher asks her class to use the word contagious.
Roland, the class swot, gets up and says, 'Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious.'
'Well done Roland,' says the teacher. 'Can anyone else try?'
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails says, 'My Gran says there's a bug going round and it's contagious.'
'Well done, Katie,' says the teacher. 'Anyone else?'
Little Johnny jumps up and says, 'Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a 4 cm brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious.'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Justin Andre on 09-Aug-2005 | Jonny get the goodsLittle Johnny was walking down the road one day and an old man was sitting on his front porch rocking back and forth in his rocking chair.
The old man said, 'Whatcha got there, son?'
Johnny said, 'Got me some chicken wire.'
'Whatcha gonna do with that chicken wire, son?' asked the old man.
'Gonna catch me some chickens,' said Johnny.
'You can't catch chickens with chicken wire,' said the oldster.
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and walked on down the street. About half an hour later, Johnny came back passing the old man's front porch with three chickens entangled in the chicken wire.
The old man was shocked and couldn't believe his eyes.
A little later Johnny passed the old man's porch.
'Whatcha got now, son?'
'Got me some duct tape.'
'And whatcha gonna do with that duct tape?' the old man asked.
'Gonna catch me some ducks.'
'You can't catch ducks with duct tape,' said the old man.
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and kept on walking.
About half an hour later, back comes Johnny with three ducks tangled in the duct tape.
Again, the old man rubbed his eyes in disbelief.
Half an hour later, Johnny was again passing the old man's porch.
'Whatcha got now, son?' asked the old codger.
'Got me some pussy willow.'
The old man said, 'Wait right there while I get my shoes!'
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by RoCkEr BaBe on 09-Aug-2005 | $1000 instant lottoLittle Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Lucky Charms.
His dad said," Well, Johnny, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"
Johnny said, "No!!"
Johnny's dad said, "Well, there's your answer."
Later, Johnny asked if he could have Spagettios.
His dad, again, said, "Can you touch your asshole with your dick?"
Johnny said,"No!!"
His dad said, "Well, there's your answer."
At the end of the shopping trip, Johnny's dad felt bad about how he had talked to Johnny, so he bought him an instant lottery ticket.
Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won $1,000!!!
His dad said,"Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man?"
Johnny asked,"Dad, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"
Johnny's dad said,"As a matter of fact, I can!"
Johnny said,"GOOD, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
