|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by creamofsumdumguy on 09-Aug-2005 | 3 Little PigsMy friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales at night.
Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often adlibs parts of the stories for fun.
One day his youngest son was sitting in his new entrants class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. She came to the part where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home.
She said, 'And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me, sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?"
Then the teacher asked the class, 'And what do you think that man said?'
And my friend's son raised his hand and said 'I know! I know. He said, "Holy shit! A talking pig!"'
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by coucool slim (moe dog) on 09-Aug-2005 | New BikeOn Christmas morning, a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid,
'Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?'
The kid says, 'Yeah.'
The cop says, 'Well next year, tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike.'
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off he says,
'By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?'
Humoring the kid, the cop says,
'Yeah, he sure did.'
The kid says, 'Well next year, tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.'
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by alison robichaux on 09-Aug-2005 | Playing trainsA mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying,
'All you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop. And all you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your arses in the train, 'cause we're going down the tracks.'
The horrified mother went in and told her son,
'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.'
She hears the little boy continue
'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'
As the mother began to smile, the child added,
'For those of you who are pissed off about the two-hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.'
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Allison L. Aaserude on 09-Aug-2005 | Teachers First DayIt was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer".
So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!".
The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe me!"
Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.
The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?"
"Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by stephan o. brion on 09-Aug-2005 | Uncle CharlieA teacher was giving class lessons in morals and asked for examples.
Little Mary stood up and said,
'My father is a chicken farmer and when we collect the eggs each morning, we take more than one basket, so you don't put all your eggs in one basket.'
'Very good, Mary,' said the teacher. 'Any more morals?'
Little Johnny stands up.
'During the war,' he says, 'my Uncle Charlie was alone in a fox-hole with a rifle and a bottle of whisky.'
'A whole German battalion was approaching him, so he had a big gulp of the whisky and fired all his bullets at the Germans, killing at least 100. He fell back into the fox-hole, took another large swig of whisky and ran out and used his bayonet and rifle butt to kill all the Germans left.'
'That's very brave of your uncle,' said the teacher, 'but where's the moral to the story?'
'Well.' said Johnny, 'You don't f*** around with Uncle Charlie when he's been on the piss.'
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by vic Lee on 08-Aug-2005 | Blueberry HillLittle Johnny walked into his class and the teacher asked where he had been. he replied, "On blueberry hill."
The teacher, still confused, said, "Ok... have a seat." Another boy walked in and the teacher asked, "Where have you been." he replied, "On blueberry hill."
The teacher grumbled a bit and continued class. Enevtually, a girl walked in and the teacher said, "Let me guess... You were on blueberry hill."
The girl replied "No, but how did you know my name was Blueberry Hill?"
|
4 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by korn_kid on 08-Aug-2005 | Red wagonLittle Jane was sitting in her red wagon with her dad's fireman hat on, and her father walked by and said man that sure is a fine fire engine you have there.. all you need is a hose, a siren and a motor, and it would be perfect.
The next day her father walks by her again and now she has her hose strapped to the side, a dog tied to the front, and a cat tied to the back.
He says, "Wow! That really looks like a fire engine now, but I think you were also suppose to tie the cat in the front and she says "Then how would I have a siren?"
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Jay Knite on 08-Aug-2005 | Turn to stoneLittle Johnny and his friend Little George walk in the woods and see a naked girl. Little George says, "Don't look at the naked girl because my dad said that if you look at naked girls, you will turn into stone. Little Johnny said, "Too late. I'm already getting hard."
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Halli on 09-Aug-2005 | Teachers First DayIt was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer".
So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!".
The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you don't believe me!"
Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.
The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?"
"Hell no!" replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by J W on 10-Aug-2005 | How old is your father ?Teacher : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me.
Teacher : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
