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| Posted by Stinky Balboa on 09-Aug-2005 | Stop repeatStop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
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| Posted by luke s. heald on 09-Aug-2005 | I loveI love animals, they taste great.
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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| Posted by J Harry on 09-Aug-2005 | Ambivalent? WellAmbivalent? Well yes and no....
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Is it time for your medication or mine?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck
How do I set the laser printer to stun?
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be ... ?
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| Posted by ann h. moose on 09-Aug-2005 | All generalizationsAll generalizations are false, including this one.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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| Posted by Tyler Luedtke on 08-Aug-2005 | Woman driver and the treesA woman driver is heading down the expressway, when all of a sudden the woman sees a tree to her left, a tree to her right, and a tree directly in front of her, so she swerves and hits a guardrail.
Later, a cop arrives and ask her what happened, to which she replied,"I saw a tree to my left, a tree to my right, and a tree directly in front of me!"
The cop says, "Ma'am, there ARE trees on both sides of the road, but the one you saw directly in front of you was your air freshener."
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| Posted by Sara Beth on 08-Aug-2005 | Stay in this circleA woman driver bumped into a guy's car and did a fair amount of damage. The male driver asked why she did it, and she replied, "Because I wanted to. That's all the reason I need."
Then the driver said, "You ignorant bitch! Stand in this circle and don't move, then I will mess up your car to teach you a lesson!"
He started by hitting it with a bat, but the blonde started laughing, so the driver turned around, and she stopped laughing.
Then he started ripping up the seat, and again she started laughing, so he turned around, at which point the blonde stopped laughing again.
Then he started messing up the whole car then she started laughing again, so the driver finally asked her why she was laughing and she said, "Well every time you had your back turned I stepped ouy of the circle, so there!"
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| Posted by Porlin Yeung on 09-Aug-2005 | WANTED: MeaningfulWANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots....I married their king.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
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| Posted by Mindy L. Haag on 09-Aug-2005 | On theOn the other hand, you have different fingers.
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"
"I souport publik edekasion"
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy."
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| Posted by Tsango on 09-Aug-2005 | Sarcasm isSarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Adults are just kids who owe money.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
You! Off my planet!
-Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?
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| Posted by Jeremy M. Fouquet on 09-Aug-2005 | Gravity -Gravity - It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Life is too complicated in the morning.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
My wife said "If you go hunting or fishing one more time I'm going to leave you" ...I'm sure going to miss her.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Today's subliminal message is: ( )
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