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| Posted by Brian C. Kaase on 11-Aug-2005 | Soup's OnQ: What do you call a leper in a Jacuzzi?
A: Soup.
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| Posted by cody boles on 11-Aug-2005 | The New DipThere was a guy he was at a baseball game....
this man had terrible lepercy and his back was filled with pus and blood and all that...
well the guy beside him kept throwing up...
so the man with the disease said "i am sorry i know its me i will go"
the man looked at him and said "no its not you, you can stay"
the man with the disease said ok so he sat back down
later the man threw up again and the man with lepercy said "i will go i am sorry"
the other manh said no its not you just stay its ok" so the man stayed
then like 10 min. the man threw up again and the man with the disease said ok enough i am gonna go now. the other man said no don't go its not you just let me explain...the guy behind my keeps dipping his chips in you back...
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| Posted by CrazyMan on 11-Aug-2005 | 20 Reasons Throwing Up is Better than Dorm FoodAfter you throw up, you feel better.
You can throw up whenever you want.
When you throw up, you don't have to wait in line.
Throw-up is always warm.
You don't have to sneak throw-up out of the cafeteria.
When you're throwing up, a bent spoon is an advantage.
You can lose weight throwing up.
You don't have to pay to throw up.
Throw-up is SUPPOSED to look like that.
When you throw up, you don't have to come back for seconds.
You don't have to throw up everyday.
Throwing up can never cause you to eat dorm food afterward.
You can throw up without a photo ID.
Throw-up is organic and biodegradable.
They don't ration throw-up.
After you throw up, at least you know what you've eaten.
Plastic throw-up is funny. Plastic dorm food is redundant.
You don't have to throw up the same thing five days in a row.
A dog will eat throw-up.
After you throw up, at least there's some taste in your mouth.
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| Posted by SEveN UpYuRS on 11-Aug-2005 | One More TimeThree gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their
lovers (Rascal, Dumbass ,Bobby) happened to be at the funeral home at the
same time,
and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man (Rascal) said, 'My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up
in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky.'
The second man (Dumbass) said, 'My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm
going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.'
The third man (Bobby) said, 'My Jim was such a good lover, I think
I'm
going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my
ass up just one more time.'
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| Posted by Super Man on 11-Aug-2005 | Hot MealTwo hobo's are walking down railroad tracks, haven't eaten in a couple days, and are starving. Ahead of them, lying on the tracks, is a dead buzzard....maggots crawling all over the badly decomposed bird...green flies swarming the stinking mass. Stopping to stare at the smelly thing, one hobo says, "Let's eat this bastard." The other hobo says, "Naw, I'm gonna wait and have a HOT meal." The first hobo replies, "Well, I'm too damned hungry to wait, I'm eatin' this fuckin' buzzard". The second hobo says, "Suit yourself, but I ain't waitin' on you", and starts down the tracks again. Ravenously, the first hobo begins stuffing the rotton bird into his mouth. After licking the last maggot from his lips, he looks down the tracks and sees his buddy....by now about a mile away... and takes off running to catch up. After running 10 minutes in the hot August sun, the hobo catches up to his buddy.....sweating...panting....stomach churning from the rotten buzzard he'd just eaten. Suddenly he begins to puke....every bit of the rotten buzzard is now laying in a putrid mass on the tracks. The second hobo smiles at the first hobo and says, "See?? I told you I was gonna wait for a HOT meal".
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| Posted by Arty S. Choco on 11-Aug-2005 | The athiestThere is an athiest who is walking out in the woods thinking evolution caused all of the beauty of the forest. Well along comes this 7 foot tall grizzley bear. Th e athiest turned around and saw the grizzly and screamed a bloodcurdling scream anruns up the hill. Then the grizzly starts chasing and closing in on him. Well just as the bear got ready to kill him he screamed save me God! Time stopped and a bright light shown in the sky and god said why should I save you after all these years of you teaching others I'm not real? The athiest replied, Lord it would be a hypocrocy to ask to be a christian now but could you at least make the bear christian? The Lord said O.K. Time started again and the bear took its paw away and put both together and said"Lord thank you for this food I am about to recieve Amen."
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| Posted by Shalene J. Mccully on 11-Aug-2005 | Burger royalitiesQ:why did the burger queen get pregnant?
A:the burger king forgot to wrap his whopper.
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| Posted by Harry Nipples on 11-Aug-2005 | Smart pillsTwo buddies were walking down the warf one day.Jack asked Joe what is 99+347.Well Joe said,thats easy boy,thats 446.Joe boy your getting some smart Jack said.Well Jack I been eating smart pills.You got anymore Joe.Yes I got More.So then Joe puts his hand down the ass of his pants and takes one out and gives it to jack.Then Jacks says my Joe,this tastes like shit.Joe says well Jack,your getting smarter already.
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| Posted by Lees on 11-Aug-2005 | Most dangerous Food!A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
"Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode the stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and few of us realize the long-term harm caused by the pollutants in our drinking water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."
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| Posted by Christopher J. Lennon on 11-Aug-2005 | VegetarianismA man was talking to his friends about why he was a vegetarian.
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals," he said, "I'm a vegetarian 'cause I HATE plants!"
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