|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Betsy on 11-Aug-2005 | Ode To BeanThere was a young girl named Maxine
Who found a new use for the bean.
As a vaginal bearing
She found it long-wearing,
And it varied her fucking routine.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by roadrunr on 11-Aug-2005 | Patato'sQ:There are two patato's sitting on the cornerof a street, how can you tell which ones the prositute?
A: the one with the sticker on it that says IDAHO!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Tiger_Lily on 11-Aug-2005 | Ode To PukeWith apologies to Mr Poe
As I kneel, head bowed, puking,
as I choke and snort my sputum
croaking, coughing, retching, groaning,
on the bathroom floor,
I think, though brain is dizzy,
things I've never thought before
Things I've missed, though often spewing,
or somehow managed to ignore
While I lie bedraggled,
on the stinking cold hard floor.
Now with head a-throbbing,
o'er the great white bowl I'm bobbing,
Bobbing, throbbing, weaving, chucking,
surely there can be no more?
No more vomit I lay praying,
Jesus! save me now, and seal my maw
And send a team of maidens
to mop this stinking cold hard floor
And if you do, I promise,
on my honour, Nevermore!
But lo! my gut's ill-fated,
and my heaves are unabated,
And now my thoughts turn back
to whence they were before,
As I'm squirming, smacking, flopping,
like a spastic being ignored.
And no maidens do I hear,
not one wet-wipe does appear,
Nought but dread convulsions
on the stinking cold hard floor.
Tis curious, I wonder,
as I purge more sauce-filled chunder,
How the saucy slick of chunder,
appears, oh what a wonder!
As a likeness of myself
such as I've never seen before
As a likeness of myself,
writhing on the cold hard floor
And the likeness set me thinking,
how my doping, not my drinking,
could result in such a stinking,
stinking on the cold hard floor.
And two things I did conclude,
"Thank you, torrid interlude!"
And thank you Gods, all praise to you,
for there's truth in floating spew.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by DeLio on 11-Aug-2005 | New Grocery Store HelperOne day, a little girl walked in to a grocery store. She asked someone at the grocery store, who coincedentally was new, if they had bacon. He said "I don't know, I don't know." So the little girl left. then the manager came and said to the new worker, "you don't say 'I don't know. I don't know. you say 'Yes we do. yes we do.'" the next day and old man walked in to the store. he asked, "Do you have any bacon?" and the same worker said "Yes we do. yes we do." then the old man asked, "How much is it?" and the worker said "I dont' know. i don't know." so the old man left. then the manager came back and said, "you don't say 'i don't know, i don't know.' you say '50 cents, 50 cents.'" the next day a teenage boy came to the store. he asked the worker, "do you have any bacon?" and the worker said "yes we do, yes we do." then the boy asked, "how much is it?" and the worker said "50 cents, 50 cents." then the boy asked, "Is it fresh?" and the worker said "I dont' know, i don't know." the boy left. then the manager came and said "You don't say 'i don't know, i don't know.' you say 'very very fresh, very very fresh.'" the next day a young woman walked into the store. she asked the worker, "do you have bacon?" and the worker said "Yes we do, yes we do." then she asked "How much is it?" and the worker said "50 cents, 50 cents." then the woman asked "is it fresh?" and the worker said "very very fresh, very very fresh." then the lady asked "is it on sale?" and the worker said "i don't know, i don't know." so the lady left. the manager came and said, "you don't say 'i don't know, i don't know,' you say 'not today, maybe tomorrow.'" the next day two criminals came. they asked "do you have money?" and the worker said "yes we do, yes we do." then the criminals asked "how much?" and the worker said "50 cents, 50 cents." then one of the criminals asked, "are you being fresh with me?" and the worker said "very very fresh, very very fresh." then the criminals asked, "can we kill you?" and the worker said "not today, maybe tomorrow."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Krystal on 11-Aug-2005 | CakeThe corner shop baker was a true artist when it came to making birthday cakes. One customer asked him "can you make a birthday cake for my wife, she's an optician?" He agreed and produced a birthday cake in the perfect detail of a winking eye.
His next customer said " can you make a birthday cake for my husband, he's a dentist." He agreed and produced a cake in the shape of an open mouth, including the teeth and tongue.
At that moment another customer began to leave his shop, when the baker asked "can I help you?" The lady turned and said"no, I don't think so,it's my husband birthday today, but he's a gynaecologist".
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Me Mo on 11-Aug-2005 | THINGS go better with CokeAn airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals.
They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.
The Chief said, "You betcha!"
When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi."
The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"
The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi."
Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"
The Chief replied, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."
After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you...you know...eat, their...'things'?"
The chief says, "No."
"No?" asked the rescuer.
"No," replied the Chief, "THINGS go better with Coke."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Nutter Pupper on 11-Aug-2005 | The newest vitaminThe newest vitamin is made from chicken soup. It makes men cocky and
women lay better.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Sara Bernabeo on 11-Aug-2005 | GrossOne day i was at the library and i was just standing there and hten i blew out thisbig wet juicy fart i was dripping down my legs then it started turning a green and yellow colour it looked good enough to eat so i whipped down my pants and started eating it it was like a taste of heaven some off you people out there with wet farts should try them some day i would also like to conclude.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Rhonda A. Arnold on 11-Aug-2005 | The magical fruitOne day a guy was driving home from work urging for baked beans.After so long he finally went into a nearby restaurant and ate 5 servings of beans.He drove home and his wife told him she had a surprise for him,so she blindfolded him.Just then the phone rang and the wife went to get it but said whatever you do, dont peek and sat him at the dining room table.The guy noticed the beans satrted to have an affect.He lifted up his leg and let out a big one.He kept farting and finally the wife got off the phoine.She walked into the dining room and said .....whats that smell?.......It was time for his surprise so the wife took off his blind fold and there were guests all around the table for his birthday.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Stockers on 11-Aug-2005 | Food + waterDeciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in-law declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice. But after eating his first bowl, he told my sister, "I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It goes down real rough."
"Well," she asked, "how long did you cook it?"
"You're supposed to cook it?" he said.
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly what's my problem?"
Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
