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| Posted by NINER on 14-Aug-2005 | The Bear and the Rabbit Once there was a bear taking a nasty, smelly crap. Five
minutes later, a rabbit hopped by. When the rabbit stopped the
bear asked."Do you have problems of crap sticking to your fur."
"no" replied the rabbit
The bear said "Good." Picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt.
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| Posted by Joe Skager on 14-Aug-2005 | The ParrotA lady was waiting for a plumber to arrive to fix her sink. She
figured she had a couple minutes before he came so she ran out
to do an errand. As soon as she left the plumber showed up. The
plumber rang the doorbell.
"Who is it?" said the lady's parrot ("Who is it" was the only
phrase it ever learned)
"It's the plumber" shouted the plumber.
"Who is it?" repeated the parrot
"It's the plumber" the plumber said a little louder.
"Who is it?" said the parrot.
"IT"S THE PLUMBER!" screamed the plumber.
"Who is it?"
"IT'S THE !@#$%^&* PLUMBER!" said the plumber while jumping up
and down and screaming. Suddenly the plumber had a heart attack.
The lady finally showed up at her door to see the man laying
dead on her front porch.
"who is it" asked the lady.
And the parrot chimed in with, "It's the plumber!"
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3 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Nat Hartten on 14-Aug-2005 | Guide Dog Almost Killed Blind ManA blind man is walking down the street with his guide dog one
day. They come to a busy intersection and the dog, ignoring the
high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind
man right out into the thick of the traffic. This is followed by
the screech of tires as panicked drivers try desperately not to
run the pair down. Horns blaring, the blind man and the dog
finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of
the street and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat
pocket which he offers to the dog.
A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't
control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth
are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you
killed!"
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To
find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass!"
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1 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by M C 0 4 on 12-Aug-2005 | Monkeyswhat dont monkeys like doing?
answer
hanging around!
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| Posted by Chris R. Marshall on 13-Aug-2005 | Door to door EvangelismTwo church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open.
She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result -- the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said: "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."
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| Posted by Bob John on 08-Aug-2005 | I'd die for you...A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you!" The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"
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| Posted by Jordan L. Lee on 11-Aug-2005 | The Brown and White Cows!There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture.
He told his son to watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.
"Yeah daddy, yeah daddy," said the little boy.
After a while the boy came into the living where his father was talking with some friends.
"Say, Pop," said the boy.
"Yes," replied his father.
"The bull just screwed the brown cow!"
There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said "Excuse me" and took his son outside.
"Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company. You should say 'The bull "surprised" the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull "surprises" the white cow."
The father went back inside the house.
After a while the boy came in and said, "Hey, Daddy!"
"Yes, son. Did the bull "surprise" the white cow?"
"He sure did, Pop! He screwed the brown cow again!"
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| Posted by Phil_87 on 13-Aug-2005 | Deaf fleas!A professor places a flea on the tabke and orders it to jump.It does. He then cuts of its legs and repeats the command. The flea remains stationary.The professor then proclaims to his students.....i have now proved that by cutting off a fleas legs the creature is rendered completely deaf!
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| Posted by nick g on 13-Aug-2005 | What do you call Jessica Winston?...What do you call Jessica Winston?
Bessy the fat cow.
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| Posted by cory on 14-Aug-2005 | SkydivingA blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were
all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to
jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and
grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival
on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, that's the easy part. It's when the
dog's leash goes slack."
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