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| Posted by cory on 14-Aug-2005 | SkydivingA blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were
all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to
jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and
grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.
But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival
on the ground?" he was again asked.
He quickly answered "Oh, that's the easy part. It's when the
dog's leash goes slack."
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| Posted by Jes_Sandra_Ash_Bill on 12-Aug-2005 | The Monkey and the FridgeQ-Why did the Monkey fall out of the tree? A-because it was dead! Q-Why did the Fridge fall out of the tree? A-because it was attached to the Monkey! Q-What do you do if a Monkey falls out of a tree? A-watch out for the Fridge!!!!!
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| Posted by Mr Leafy on 14-Aug-2005 | Shark!!!A man stranded on an island builds a raft to try to escape to
another island where people may be living hopeing to get help
back to the America. The man was terribly afraid of sharks so
upon approaching another island, he spots a man and calls out to
him, "are there any sharks in the water?" the second man calls
back "no".
The first man then proceeds to leap into the water so as to swim
ashore, halfway there he yells out to the man on the
island..."why arn't there any sharks in the water?"
The man replys, "Because the alligators ate them."
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| Posted by Lindy Meyer on 14-Aug-2005 | Car ProblemsA man's car breaks down right in front of a farm and he's trying
to fix it when he hears a voice coming behind him, "You have
water in the gas tank." The man turns around and all he sees is
a cow from the farm.
He goes back to his car and again the same voice says, "You have
water in the gas tank." The man turns around again and he sees
the cow but this time the voice came again but it's from the
cow, "You have water in the gas tank."
The man is shocked so he knocks on the door of the farmer's
house. When the farmer answers the door the man says, "The cow
talked to me and said I had water in my gas tank. He can talk?"
The farmer replied, "Ignore him, the cow doesn't know a thing
about cars."
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| Posted by Herman on 14-Aug-2005 | IM GOINGOne day a guy walked into a pet shop and a guy walked up and
said" Would you like a animal that can talk and do all of your
chores"
the guy thought a moment and said "Sure i would" they walked
around
the corner and it was a centiepiede in a cage this is our best
one we have sir ill take it the guy said then he left to go
home when he got there he said to the centepiede to go get some
milk the centipede walked
directly outthe door the guy waited 30 mins. not back yet 45
mins not
back now an hour the guy got up walked to his door and opened it
he looked down
and saw him what are you doing the guy said then the centepiede
said im going im going im
tieing my shoes
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| Posted by Gothic Bitch on 14-Aug-2005 | the english cat and the french catthere was an english cat called one two three and there was a
french cat called un don twa
any way they decided to hav a race across the english channel
the one two three cat made it but the un don twa cat sank
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| Posted by Betsy on 14-Aug-2005 | Angry piggy in the orchardThe angry piggy went to steal some cherries. It entered the
orchard and climbed a cherry tree and started to eat...
The ranger sees the angry piggy and shouts to it: "What the heck
are you doing up there?". The angry piggy answered: "I'm eating
apples!"
The ranger: "Don't try to foul me, you're up in a cherry tree!"
The angry piggy: "Yeah, but i brought apples with me from
home..."
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| Posted by Erin Lord on 14-Aug-2005 | the chickenwhat did the baby chicken say when a hen laid an orange?
look at the orange marmalade.
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| Posted by URBANDEVIL on 14-Aug-2005 | Rabbit and BearOnce upon a time, there was a river, the nile river to be exact.
On one side lived the rabbit and on the other side lived the
bear. One fine day the bear was sitting on a stump eating his
breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It
was the rabbit.
"Hey, Teddy, get your butt over herr. I've got something to show
you!"
"Not now. I'm eating."
"Oh come on. It is really important."
"no way!"
"please"
So the bear decided to go. It took him all day and night. He
nearly drowned. He got over panting for air.
"well rabbit, what is it?"
"Look at all those berries on the other side of the river!"
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| Posted by Nathan Paxton on 11-Aug-2005 | BatsTwo vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood.
One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."
"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave. When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."
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