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| Posted by B B on 14-Aug-2005 | GorillasQ:Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?
A:because their fingers are so big.
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| Posted by Ramon Hughes on 14-Aug-2005 | Ducks at the Bar One rainy day, a duck walks into a bar with a cheeky grin
on his face. He orders a bottle of beer. The bartender asks,
"Why are you so happy?" The duck replies, "Oh, I've been in and
out of puddles all day." The bartender gives him his beer.
Another duck walks in the bar. He has sweat all over him
and he's panting like a crazy dog. He orders a glass of water.
The bartender asks him, "Why are you panting like that?" The
duck replies, "I've been jumping in and out of puddles all day
long." The bartender gives him the water.
After the two ducks left, another duck walks in the bar
with a frown on her face. She orders a glass of wine. The
bartender asks her, "Why are you so sad?" The duck replies, "I'm
Puddles."
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| Posted by Yo Momma on 14-Aug-2005 | Animals and Porsche A mouse was walking back home in Africa, when he fell into a
briar bush. Mean while, an elephant hears the mouses call for
help and he tell the mouse to hold on to his dick (sence
elephants don't have hands). So the mouse did as the elephant
wanted and he got out of the briar bush. Then the mouse tells
the elephant that when he needed help, just ask the mouse for it.
About five minutes later, the elephant falls into an
elephant trap. The elephant is screaming for help and then the
mouse remembered his promise to the elephant and so he goes to
the elephant with his Porsche and tells the elephant to hold
onto the bumber with his trunk. Now the elephant does as he is
told and he gets out of the trap.
What's the moral of the story.
If you have a big dick you don't need a Porsche.
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| Posted by Mickey Kirksey on 14-Aug-2005 | Mary's little lambMary had a little lamb,
She tide it to a pylon,
500 volts went up it's ass,
and now it's wool is nylon
Mary had a little lamb,
she knew it cudnt swim,
she took it to the swimming baths,
and threw the fucker in
Mary had a little Lamb,
she also had a duck,
she put them on the mantle piece,
to see if they wud fuck
Mary had a little Lamb,
her father shit it dead,
now everyday she takes it to school,
in a roll of bread!
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| Posted by Frank J. James on 14-Aug-2005 | Whale Hijinx
Two whales are swimming along one day, bored. One whale spots a
ship and suggests to the other, "Hey, why don't we swim under
that boat, and spurt out water so it tips over?"
"Well," says the other whale, "I'll give it a blow job, but I
refuse to swallow to swallow any sea men!"
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| Posted by Aaron D. Fredrick on 14-Aug-2005 | A day in the jungleHow do you hide an elephant?
Stick him up a tree and paint his balls brown.
Whats the loudest noise in the jungle?
Tarzan picking coconuts.
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| Posted by jake hatesworth on 14-Aug-2005 | Major MisunderstandingA guy walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money on the
counter. Natrally the guy asks the bartender 'That money couldnt
have possibly been collected in tips, whats it there for?'
so the bartender explains 'well in this jar is $5,000 in cash
and i am willing to give it up if someone will take on a dare i
propose to them.'
so the guy say says 'well whut is the dare?'
the bartender smirks and explains 'well u see that huge, burley,
monster of a man?' the guy nods-
-the bartender says 'you have to knock him out cold in one
swing, and you see that door in the back of this bar?'
the guy nods while the bartender continues 'behind that door is
a pitbull, you gotta reach in her mouth and pull out her gold
tooth, and u see the old woman sitting on that park bench across
the street?' the guys nods again-bartender says 'she is 93 and a
virgin , u must have sex with her'
so the guys sits for about 10minutes thinking this dare over and
in the end thinks what the heck - ill take the dare, i need the
money anyway.
so he goes up to the gigantic man and knocks him out cold ,
one punch to the head. then he goes to the back of the bar opens
the door goes in, and closes it. for at least 30 minutes the
rest of the bar hears loud squealing and yelping from the
pitbull and moans and groans from the guy. Finally the guy comes
out looks at the bartender and says 'ok so wheres the old lady
with the gold tooth?'
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| Posted by candy gram on 14-Aug-2005 | Christmas ParrottA man walks into a pet store and tells the owner that he is
looking for a parrot that sings Christmas carols. The owner
tells him that he is in luck becuase they just got one in that
day. So the man asks to see it.
It is a beautiful bird, and the man is very excited, so he askes
how you get it to sing. "Oh that's simple," answers the shop
owner, "all you have to do is hold a lighter up to the bird's
body and it will sing different songs."
So the man gets out his lighter and holds it up to the birds
left wing and it sings "Jingle Bells", he is impressed. He then
holds it up to the right wing, and the bird starts to sing
"Frosty the Snowman", when the lighter got held up to the birds
stomach it started to sing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer."
Finally the man holds the lighter up under the bird's tail, and
without a moments hesitation the parrot starts to sing "Chesnuts
Roasting on an Open Fire."
Ha Ha Ha you know you love it!! :)
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| Posted by Brian G. Hurley on 14-Aug-2005 | puddles? three ducks walk into a bar, the bar tender askes the first one
"whats your name?" the duck replies "tom, i've had a wonderfull
day i've been playing in puddles in and out over and through! it
was fun!" the bar tender says "i bet it was" and he goes to the
seconde duck "whats your name?" the duck replies "i am dick, and
i've had a wonderfull day i was playing in puddles in and out
over and through it was fun!" and the bartender says "i bet it
was" then he goes to the third duck "i bet your name is harry!"
"no" the duck replies "my name is puddles and you don't wanna no
what kind of day i had".
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| Posted by Ryan I. Mehmi on 14-Aug-2005 | The Horse in the BarA man walks into a bar one day to see a horse tied up to a stool
with a bucket full of five dollar bills beside him. The man goes
up to the bartender and says,"Hey, whats going on with the
horse?" the bartender replies, "You put five dollars into that
bucket and if you can make that horse laugh, you can take home
all the money." the guy figures its worth a shot so he puts five
dollars into the bucket and whispers into the horses ear. The
horse looks dazed for a moment and then starts laughing
uncontrolably. The man picks up the bucket and silently walks
out.
The next day, the same man walks into the same bar and sees the
same horse. He goes up to the bartender and says, "same thing
today?" the bartender says, "Nah, today you gotta make him cry"
so the guy puts a five into the bucket and leads the horse into
another room. A couple of minutes later the guy and the horse
come back. The horse is sobbing and weeping all over the place.
The man picks up the bucket and is about to walk out the door
when the bartender says, "Hey, pal, wait up. What did you do to
that animal? I've got to know." The man smiles and simply
replies, "Well the first day I told the horse I had a bigger
dick than he did, and today I proved it."
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