One Liner Jokes (1861) / Funny Riddles (5136)

One Liners

People love and at the same time hate a smart aleck. And what better way to embarrass or frustrate a co-worker than with those insulting One Liners that draws the eyes where ever you may be. May you be in school, work or even at home, a well timed one-liner is sure to get the attention of each and every one ion the vicinity. One Liners, are concise but direct to the point and can solicit varied response from your audience. www.Funny-Jokes-Portal.com has a sizeable collection of the best of the best one-liners from all over the world for it is the premier site for all the best fun stuff anywhere on the internet.

It’s collection of over 60,000 individual jokes and other fun stuff grouped into over 90 categories with one solely for One Liners is considered to be the largest and most diverse collection of fun stuff on the web to date. Don’t take our word for it and check out the site. www.Funny-Jokes-Portal.com for all the best fun stuff on the web plus a whole lot more. Need a laugh to cure the woes of the day or at least take them off your mind even for a minute? Subscribe to the mailing list and get them every day for a good dose of healthy humor. Want to help us expand our collection? Send your jokes in to us and we’ll include them in our ever expanding collection of fun stuff anywhere else on the web.

Did you ever hear the one about the paranoid dyslexic? He always thought he was following someone.

Shouldn’t the Air and Space Museum be empty?

What was the elephant doing on the highway? About 10 Kmh.

Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because C-shells are to small and D-shells are to large.

What did the big candle say to the young candle? You’re too young to go out!

How can you tell when you’re getting old? When you go to an auction and four people start to bid on you!

What do you get a 500 pound gorilla for his birthday? I don’t know, but you’d better be sure he likes it!

Why was the pointy-eared guy down in the dumps? He had low elf-esteem.

What do you get to call a store that sells shoes and also offers Karate lessons? Chop Shooey!

How do you keep cool at a football game? Stand next to a FAN.

Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.

How can you tell if the elephant is about to charge? He asks if you accept Visa.

Where do vampires learn to suck blood? Law School.

What does the teacher call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call a lost diamond ring lost in a golf course? A diamond in the rough.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a prostitute? A 16,000 pound whore that lays for peanuts.

Anybody hear about the thieves who stole a calendar? They both got six months each.

Why is Cinderella bad at sports? Imagine having a pumpkin as your coach, wouldn’t you run away from the ball?

A rabbit and duck went out to dinner, who paid? The duck, he had the bill.

What do you get when you cross a snake, a rabbit and an amoeba? An adder who can multiply and divide.

What do you get when two silkworms go on a race? They end up in a tie.

Why did the parrot wear a raincoat? So he could be polyunsaturated.

Did you ever hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was accused of buttering up his teacher.

How would you analyze financially a fortune-teller who isn’t doing too good? You’re not making much of a prophet.

Why is a hospital gown similar to health insurance? Because you’re never as covered as you think you are.

Did you hear about the two podiatrists who opened offices on the same street? They were arch-enemies.

What do you call a blonde with 80% of her intelligence gone? Divorced.

Why do cats hate flying saucers? Because they can’t get to the milk, silly.

What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it and the rich need it and if you eat it you die? “Nothing.”

What is the difference between a large cheese pizza and a poker player? The pizza can feed a family of four!

Name	By	Category	Rating
"This Won't Hurt, I Promise."...	chicky pie	One Liner Jokes	10.0
Computers Make Very Fast, Very Accurate Mistakes....	Jeff Melson	One Liner Jokes	10.0
the Best Way To Win An Argument Is To Start...	Lucky Lucy	One Liner Jokes	10.0
Smash Forehead on Keyboard To Continue ......	Brad k. Robinson	One Liner Jokes	10.0
Southern DOS: Y'all Reckon? (Yep/Nope)...	Katie Mackle	One Liner Jokes	10.0
Shoes	Steven Strazzulla	One Liner Jokes	10.0
If the Shoe Fits, Get	dropsofjupiter	One Liner Jokes	9.00
Disco	Silly Goose	One Liner Jokes	9.00
Talent Is the Ability To Convince People You...	Christine Daae	One Liner Jokes	8.00
Confusius Say: He Who Smoke	britt conrado	One Liner Jokes	8.00
How Come Wrong Numbers Are	Jamal Hassan	One Liner Jokes	7.00
Sex Position	Pete Makiha	One Liner Jokes	4.00
Buy A Pentium 586/90 So You Can Reboot Faster....	Jeremy Radle	One Liner Jokes	3.00
Barred	Matt A. Marmaros	One Liner Jokes	2.00
Why Do "slow Down" and "slow Up" Mean The...	Mark M	One Liner Jokes	1.00
Fire Hydrant	Cowardly Lion	One Liner Jokes	1.00
2 Skunks	Donald Peckover	One Liner Jokes	1.00
Lesbian Ice Cream	Aaron Y	One Liner Jokes	1.00
Taxation With Representation Isn't So Hot,...	pamela j. keele	One Liner Jokes	---
I Killed A 6-pack Just To Watch It Die....	Curly	One Liner Jokes	---
Does Killing Time Damage Eternity?...	Joe J. Shmo	One Liner Jokes	---
Time Is the Best Teacher; Unfortunately It...	Richie -. Vivian	One Liner Jokes	---
Don't Be So Open-minded -- Your Brains Will...	K F	One Liner Jokes	---
the Major Cause of Auto Wrecks Is A Screw...	Lady Jedi	One Liner Jokes	---
If At First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Is...	Jared A. Stevenson	One Liner Jokes	---
Sorry, I Don't Date Outside My Species....	christy l. jakson	One Liner Jokes	---
90% of Being Smart, Is Knowing What You're...	Munem Alidina	One Liner Jokes	---
Documentation Is Like Sex: When It's Good,...	KrAzYBoY	One Liner Jokes	---
Procrastinate Now!...	Steven Miller	One Liner Jokes	---
in Canada There Are Two Seasons......	Japeloup	One Liner Jokes	---
Energizer Bunny Arrested, Charged With Battery....	Ricky D. Lynn	One Liner Jokes	---
I Want To Die in My Sleep Like My Grandfather....	Sam Binstead	One Liner Jokes	---
" Hire A Teenage While They Still Know Everything,...	Jordan L. Lee	One Liner Jokes	---
Knowledge Was Never Known To Enter the Head...	gf000	One Liner Jokes	---
the Gene Pool Could Use A Little Chlorine....	Chris W. Hoover	One Liner Jokes	---
Never Stand Between A Fire Hydrant and A Dog....	lulabelle	One Liner Jokes	---
Everything Should Be Made As Simple As Possible,...	Maxwell Murder	One Liner Jokes	---
If I Can Survive Death,...	Silly One	One Liner Jokes	---
Show Respect for Age. Drink Good Scotch For...	Briman B. Briman	One Liner Jokes	---
Sex Is Nobody's Business Except the Three...	chris d. delis	One Liner Jokes	---
A Closed Mouth Gathers No Feet....	L Y	One Liner Jokes	---
You're Slower Than A Herd of Turtles Stampeding...	Krissy Boo	One Liner Jokes	---
One Pound of Learning Requires Ten Pounds...	Raynman M	One Liner Jokes	---
I Know Somewere Inside of Me There Is A Sober...	nutmegg	One Liner Jokes	---
It Was All So Different Before Everything...	- illiane -	One Liner Jokes	---
Texans Are Living Proof That Indians Screwed...	Melanie Mudd	One Liner Jokes	---
I'm A Member of the Immoral Minority....	Pyro Pyro	One Liner Jokes	---
I Hate Graffiti. in Fact, I Hate All Italian...	Alice Tsai	One Liner Jokes	---
We Have Enough Youth - How About A Fountain...	Da Joker	One Liner Jokes	---
Everything Is Controlled By A Small Evil Group...	Candii	One Liner Jokes	---